Lost in Feelings.

[FrankieStein]

Hello everyone. I know, I should have posted it in teen section, but since I'm going to talk about man who is beyond his teens I hope I can post it here. Not only that, but I also need mature advice. Please.
I'm turning 16 (in 2 months).. I met guy online who is 24 years old (lets call him Dan), he is from another city but due to his work we were able to meet in real life. He is coming to my city almost every month. I'm really really into him.. and can't seem to stay away. He is smart, handsome and funny, basically type of the guy I like! I've never had much interest in guys who is around my age.. They just seem to be silly. I really wish we could be together with Dan, but he is not clear about our relatioship. He doesn't want to do anything sexual with me (which actually saddens me) we only did huggs and he let me sit on his lap also kisses my cheek sometimes. I asked him directly, if we have relationship and he said something like we do, but it's special.. I think he meant something like friendship and joked out of that talk. I feel like he is love of my life and want to be with him really bad, like my whole existance depending on it. But I think he doesn't take me seriously because of my age..
I live with my dad. Ofcourse he doesn't know about guy at all, he would be mad about any guy, if he knew about 24 years old guy he'd murder me prob. So I can't really share with him. My mom lives in another country and I never talk to her, so I can't ask for her advice also. I don't have real close friends, but girl at school who know about my situation said he prob have gf already or willing to find gf and wanish off my life, she said he just playing with me because if he wanted relationship with someone like me he would do romance. I don't want him to wanish.. He said, he might move to my city (for work..) I just wish I could be closer with him, I can't quite understand what's going on, I dont want to be played with, but.. without him I will be too depressed to do anything. We talk online everyday and play online game where we met almost year ago.
Please, help me understand if he just playing with my feelings or want to be with me? Also, I would like to know how I can prove him that I'm mature, because I want to be together with him and I'm afraid he could just find someone else.
Thanks in advance.

[bloodtippedrose]

First off is the age of sexual consent in Canada 16? He seems very uncomfortable around you, and for good reason. An 8 year age gap doesn't mean much when you're older, but at the age he is at now he will get judged harshly by friends and family, and probably knows if your dad finds out HE will be the one murdered. It is hard to tell what his motives are by just a post here, he could be some lonely nerd that has never had a gf and feels for you but is embarrassed to start a relationship with someone so young, or for all we know he could be sizing you up to see how long it takes for your family to call wondering where you are when you meet with him so he can for kidnap you to rape and kill.

Girls mature faster than guys, that is a fact, you are probably quite mature for your age, but you are still naive due to lack of life experience. Trust no one, and have a backup plan, have a phone on you, tell someone where you will be, even if this guy seems cute and sweet, and he very well could be, but you never know for sure. In America the age of sexual consent is 18, which I would suggest if he really likes you, to wait to have sex until you're 18 and then have an official relationship together.

[FrankieStein]

First of all, thank you for your reply. I don't think he wants to kidnap or kill me.. Even if he wanted to do, he would have done that already prob. As for his family and friends, I never even thought of it that way. I think you are right, he would get judged for dating me. I'm sure his friends would just make fun of him because they wouldn't understand. He is kind of nerdy, I know he reads a lot, he recommended me several books. He is vegetarian and loves animals, I went vegetarian because of him also. Really not murder/rapist type, he is very kind, we've played online game together and he always helps people. I don't know if he have girlfriend.. he don't talk about girls much, he is handsome though, I'm sure girls are easy to get for him.... Only once he mentioned he had girlfriend when he was 21, who cheated on him with his friend. I don't know how to handle this.. I think about him a lot, can't get this out of my head, it makes me very depressed that we can't be together. It's not like I just want to throw myself at him, I wish we could be together and I had right to call him mine. But I don't know how to make it happen.

[bloodtippedrose]

Well, though it might be awkward to bring up, you need to have a serious conversation with him. If it were me in your situation it would go something like this:
"Dan, I know I asked you once before what our relationship was, but I didn't understand what you meant by "special friend," Do you see me only as a friend, or is there any relationship potential? Are you currently dating someone?"
Don't let him weasel out of the question without giving a real answer like he did last time. Also what IF he has a girlfriend? What if he doesn't but only sees you as a friend? Would you accept being his friend still if you knew he wasn't interested and you had to watch him date other girls? What if he admits to liking you but it is your age? Mentally prepare yourself for what his answer might be, then you can go from there. If he doesn't reciprocate those feelings though, you are only hurting yourself if you continue to pursue him.

[FrankieStein]

Thank you again for your reply.
I still need advice though, I just dont have anybody to ask really, I dont have close friends and the girls I know, their advice sounds something like "you gotta have sex with him or he is not your boyfriend and doesnt like you".
Dan will be in my city again in few weeks I been cycling situation, with serious talk you told me about, in my head all day long and I think I'm ready to have this talk with him and try not to let him slip away from it again. I think I'm prepared for any answer really, anything is better than not knowing what's going on. I'm going to be upset, depressed and heartbroken if he tells me that I'm too young for him, but it's not like I can do anything about it.. It would upset me if he said he have girlfriend, but I'll get over it, at least someone get to be happy afterall. But if he will say he would like me as his girlfriend, what then? I would have to tell my dad? I don't know what gonna happen then, he is gonna be really mad at me and like you said, he might murder Dan, assuming he is bad-kind-of-guy? I don't like hiding anything, but I am scared of his wrath.
I don't want to have this kind of talk with Dan online, but maybe telling him online is better? He would have more time to think about it? But would be much easier for him to joke out of it again though, like he always does..
Thank you for your help! I really appreciate it!
P.S. I wanted to send you private message, but this site have limits and I'm not allowed to do so. I'm afraid to reveal too much info, in case someone who knows me might run across this and figure out my personality (paranoid)xD