Where is the line drawn for cheating?

[Izafly]

So Ive been with my gf for 2 years. I even have the ring picked out. Things are great, and I love her with no end. She is the woman I know will be the perfect mother of our children and someone I can grow old with. And we have a great sex life. I really couldnt have asked for a better woman.

A few months before I met the gf I had dated a woman for maybe 2 months. That ended because she lied about being divorced when she wasnt. She was merely seperated. But we had an amazing sexual run that I couldnt figure out if it was this thing some people call chemistry or just the thrill of finally having sex after being single for a few months. I kept in touch with her only in fb. The occasional hello, how ya been, etc. Just casualness.

A few weeks ago I told her hey lets go for a quick bite to eat. The odd thing is the moment I hung up with her I got an instant hard on. I had ZERO intentions of doing anything sexual. My mind was fully set on just meeting up with someone a had known for a few years. She picked me up, we went for a bite, and she brought me back home. In her car we were just playful talking kinda like teasing but not. She told me how she started getting wet, I started getting a hard on, I kissed her on the cheek good bye, and I exited her car. NOTHING HAPPENED LOL But our bodies just wanted to attack each other!

My friend said I have no reason to continue to be friends with that woman since she was just a fling from a few years ago. And that if I went on another friendly meetup that things may not be as controlling, and things are liable to happen that may make me feel like crap afterwards. Of course I also have friends that say hey no knot has been tied. Its still free game. And then there are people that talk about chemistry and how 2 people can actually have something about them that magnetically attracts them making the basic animal instincts in us to rage out of control.

So what does everyone think about everything? Im curious about what you guys think about if its safest to stay away, your thoughts on if chemistry is a real thing or just BS, the people that think its not technically cheating since we are not wed, etc. Im curious to what everyone has to say. :-)

[megvoh]

Your body and hers wanted to f uck each other, obvious by you getting hard and her getting wet. So because of that reaction you both had, and your previous getting hard just at the thought of meeting you should distance yourself from this girl. There are feelings there, even if just sexual that ONLY friends don't have but FWB do have and you might slip into being that and cheating on your gf.
Why put yourself in that situation for some cheap thrills and if you set up another visit with this girl you have to ask yourself how you really feel about your gf.

You've been with gf 2 years, picked a ring and said here you love her, so don't risk things for a hard on is my advice.

[Izafly]

You are right. I shouldnt see her. I just kinda wanted some confirmation. It be stupid to do so just for a cheap thrill of the same thing when watching p0rn but even worse since something could actually happen.

I get as excited when I see the gf. Problem is I dont see her much during the week due to logistics. There is simply nothing wrong with us and would be totally irresponsible to do something which could screw things up.

Past fling stays as such...in the PAST!

[melancholia]

Your friend is right. You aren't really friends with this woman. You were only f.uck buddies back in the day, it's not like you had a deep, connected friendship for years that you want to rekindle. It sounds like you are either not ready to settle down with your current girlfriend, or there are bigger issues in your relationship than you are willing to acknowledge. People in happy, fulfilling relationships don't cheat. Everyone has different ideas about what cheating is to them. I don't consider what you did to be cheating, but you should not put yourself in the position to want to cheat, and it sounds like you would have trouble staying faithful in the presence of that other woman.

There are people who we are naturally drawn to more than others, but just because you feel a strong physical connection to them, doesn't mean they are the right person for you. I dated a guy for about 2.5 years and although it wasn't serious, we had a strong physical connection. We would always gravitate toward each other and find ways to get together. I thought that I would never get over those feelings, but I am dating a new guy now who is so fantastic, the other guy pales in comparison. The other guy still reaches out to me from time to time, for booty calls, and even though it is tempting at times, I would never jeopardize what I have with my BF by putting myself in the position that would make it difficult for me not to cheat. It's important to understand that we are humans and we are going to be attracted to people other than our SOs, but we also have will power and a conscience that keeps us from making decisions that can destroy a good relationship.

If you love your girlfriend the way you say you do, then you will create boundaries with this friend of yours. Don't meet up with her one on one, don't exchange dirty messages with each other, and don't do anything with her that you would worry about your girlfriend finding out.

[Izafly]

Yeah that strong physical connection with someone I have no feelings over is something Ive never dealt with before. I didnt have the chance to grow feelings with that woman so didnt think much about the physical connection until we went out for a bite. Then I was like wtf is happening! And yes I DO love the gf far too much to screw things up. Thats what seprates us from the animals, right? The control? It kinda nice knowing Im wanted in this way, but not worth the loss of a beautiful woman.

[melancholia]

There you go, you've answered your own question then. It's nice to feel desired and attractive to other people, and it's ok to bask in that feeling. But recognizing the difference between sexual attraction and deep, connected love with someone is important here. You'll get over your crush on this other woman pretty quickly as long as you keep your distance and stop talking to her.

[Izafly]

Yeah Im not even going to reach out to her. She had previously asked when we meeting up again, and I told her Id let her know. But I wont. If she reaches out and asks me, Ill let her know its best to keep our distance.

[melancholia]

Good call! It's good to be honest with yourself and to know it's better to stay away from temptation. You're doing the right thing!