Colossal Coworker Conundrum

[DisasterCashier]

Sorry if this is in the wrong thread, but as sex is mentioned throughout, I thought it would be safest to post it here!

First and foremost, I'm mostly writing this for my own benefit, but any and all advice/feedback is appreciated. I can't promise I'll reply, but all responses will be read, and if there are any clarifying questions that are asked, I'll do my best to get back to those in a timely manner. Also, I rambled and probably gave too much information, but I figure everything is more suitably understood when in the fullest context I can remember.

I started working at a new job right around the end of December as a cashier, my first retail job ever. Right off the bat, I developed a tiny crush on one of my coworkers, a shift manager. His appearance was exactly my type, and he was very patient and kind when working with me while I was learning the ropes. Still, it was an innocent enough little crush and didn't interfere with my work at all. I later found out through my other coworkers that he'd been in a long-term relationship for.... four or five? years, and he's living with her. That was the end of that for a long time, feelings were left alone to sit under a rock, I moved on.

One day, one of my coworkers confessed to me that the guy I had a crush on (we'll refer to him from now on as SM) was terribly mistreated by his gf. She cheated on him and he had to find out on his own rather than her coming clean, she uses his money, and since he found out she was cheating on him, they haven't kissed or had sex or acted like a couple at all. Apparently, everyone in the store knows just how crappy she is and it's a common gossip topic, which I think SM doesn't like but also doesn't get mad about because he knows its all true. He's said he and his.... not/gf?? have fun as friends, but he doesn't really feel love for her anymore, and he doesn't think she feels love for him. HOWEVER, in spite of all of this, they still live together - if they broke up, he wouldn't have anywhere to live, unless he moved back in with his father.

Well, learning all of that really ticked me off, because SM is a kind and genuinely good person. It was none of my business, but my crush on him flared up again, and I sort of lost sight of what I should or shouldn't stick my nose into. So I started texting him some puppy pictures (he likes dogs) and chatting with him and we slowly became better and better acquaintances. My motivation, at first, was genuinely just to try to be a friend to him. As the days passed, however, our conversations took a turn, and we started talking about our sexual interests with each other. He complained about being unable to have sex for so long, and I complained about my own problems with the men and women in my sex life never satisfying me or listening to what I want in the bedroom. I told him what I liked and he gushed about how much he'd like to try everything I was interested in. There were times where our texts got downright flirtatious and challenging, but one of us would backpedal or change the subject, so it was never blatantly insinuated either of us had legitimate interest in the other.

One night, all of us coworkers met up at one woman's house to play board games and card games. SM and I sat next to each other and whispered stuff to each other and joked around and had a lot of fun. He even pressed his foot up against mine, and I genuinely wasn't sure if he was being flirtatious or not. When it was time to leave, he walked me to my car, and I thought for SURE he was going to invite me over (his not/gf was out of town), but... He didn't. And in a way, I was relieved, because who wants to be a homewrecker? (Although it seems home is already wrecked beyond repair, in my point of view).

Of course.... The moment I got back home, he texted me, regretting not inviting me over to "Watch some movies" or something. I told him that even though it was late, I wasn't tired, and he gave me his address. We didn't even get halfway through the first movie before he made a move on me, and it was like the world shifted. We had sex for a few hours, and then I went home. He invited me back the next day, and we did it again...

Since that night/next day combo, we've had sex two more times. He satisfies me like no one in my entire life ever has, and we have a great time. We've been more than capable of turning everything off and being responsible employees when we work together, and we haven't told anyone about what we've been doing. However...

I'm filled with a lot of conflicting feelings. Everyone knows he and his not/gf haven't been happy for a long time, and honestly... I don't really feel guilty for sneaking around behind her back. BUT, I have legitimate feelings for SM, and I'm pretty sure he's only interested in me for the sex I provide. We had a long talk over text where he mentioned really trying to find somewhere to live so he could properly leave his not/gf, but I have no idea if he'll really do it, and if he does, will he want to be with me? Will he just keep having sex with me? Will he start banging other girls too and slowly drop me?

I've worked myself into this predicament, and I guess what I'm asking is...

Should I tell him we need to stop until he isn't living with his not/gf anymore? Should I tell him I have feelings for him? Should I keep doing what we've been doing, because in spite of everything, it makes him and me pretty happy? Should I just stop everything entirely forever because my feelings are gonna put me in a dark place when the day finally comes that he doesn't want to keep having sex? I want to be honest with him about how I feel but I'm too scared I'll drive him away and ruin not only the thing we've got going, but also our friendship, and our ability to work together...

As an end note, feel free to morally berate me if you wish for the things I've done, but I'm genuinely here to ask advice and would appreciate more than a "maybe you should read the Bible and chill" sort of comment. I'm super aware I shouldn't have done most of this stuff lol, I'm regretting a lot of it now. Thank you!

[melancholia]

I think if you want something more than a FWB relationship with this person, you should be upfront and honest about that. Maybe he does have feelings for you, but he also needs to deal with his current relationship before you two continue what you have going on, whether you want it to be casual, no-strings attached, or something exclusive and more substantial. I've been in many FWB type relationships and I've always been fine with that, as long as we've both been clear about what we want and understand it's not going to develop into a serious relationship, but it doesn't sound like that's what you want with this guy. Trust me when I say it's not worth shoving your feelings and needs aside to be more appealing to him. I've also done that before and it always backfires. If you talk yourself out of what you really want just to stay comfortable with what you have right now, then you will come to regret that and it will be harder to articulate your feelings after you've been pretending to be cool about a casual relationship.

I think you should tell him to chill until he actually ends his relationship with his girlfriend. She is still his girlfriend, even if their relationship is coming to an end; and it's not fair for him to use you as a distraction, or as leverage to push him to actually end it. He should make that decision for himself, if that is what is best for him. I can see this going drastically wrong if you continue to hook up with him, and then you could end up jeopardizing your relationship at work as well, which would be a shame.

[hazey daisy]

This guy is no angel. He is a selfish jerk ass. He has you so fooled, and everyone else. Any man who complains and doesn't leave the situation he is in, is weak, and spineless. He is nothing but bad news, and you are knee deep in it. People like him always play the victim but their situation is not what they say. He comes off as wonderful, but deep down he is a selfish bastard only out for his own needs. He has totally groomed you to fall for him, and now he has total control over you and how this is going to play out. i have no doubt he is getting banged regularly by his GF, now he has you too to get his variety. I'm not going to waggle shame on you....but I will say you are pretty dumb to even think for a second this guy has any real potential for a committed relaiotnship. He chooses to cheat on his GF....what does that say about him and his character? Your gut feeling is right...if you keep this up you will find yourself in that dark place.