Does this consider cheating?

[Dhayle]

You are helping an ex on something when she starts talking about her miserable love life to you. Somehow, you say something that triggers both of you to talk about your past love. Something like "Thats what you got cos you didn't chose me." The talk from helping her changed to discussing about your past love with her, the reason why she broke up with you, etc. Your girlfriend is on WhatsApp chat with you at the same time and you reply her once in a while only cos you are being occupied with your ex. You also encourage your gf to do whatever she is doing eventhough she says she is free.

Does that consider as cheating?

[megvoh]

Not really cheating but definitely flirting and imo - rude to you.
Do you feel he isn't over her and that's why that conversation happened? Ask him if he is over her.

[melancholia]

No. It's not cheating.

[TheEvilJester]

No, in my opinion just based on what you shared that is not cheating. I can definitely understand if the current girlfriend would feel a little uncomfortable about that, so I couldn't blame you if that was you in this story. However, as long as the talk was 100% about the past and not at all about considering trying again, then I don't consider that cheating.

To be honest, I don't understand why you'd be hanging out with an ex anyway. Personally, my general rule of thumb is that your ex is your ex for a reason. Rarely is there any reason to remain close friends with them. It is okay to be friendly, but I see no reason to actively be friends. ...But, some people just have a connection/friendship they don't want to give up entirely. As long as their new significant other understand and it doesn't cross any boundaries, then if it works for all involved, more power to them.

If it bothers you, then it bothers you. Talk to him about it and maybe you two can find a happy balance that works for you both. Unless I'm misunderstanding your side of the story. Though, even if you are the one who was talking to the ex, my advice would still pretty much be the same. Talk to your current significant other about it and hopefully you can both agree to it in a way that keeps you both happy. If you are the one who was talking to the ex, think of it from your gal's perspective and I'm sure you could understand her apprehension with this situation. At the same time, though, if your friendship with your ex is not one you wish to give up then that doesn't automatically make you wrong. Again, though, nor would it make your gal wrong if she is not completely okay with it. So, hopefully you can find a balance that seems okay with you both, but if not then there is a decision to be made.

Good luck to you either way.

[Dhayle]

I am the gf and I found that out from his ex's FB about what they were doing that time. It is the same time when he ignored my texts for 7 hrs cos the whole time he was with her. We do LDR, same country different states. What saddens me is he never apologize for hurting my feeling. I feel like he prioritized her more that time by pushing me away not to disturb, forgetting that he had a gf, never even think what he did is wrong. Even if it is not wrong, at least he says sorry for hurting my feeling. He twisted it as if my feeling manipulates me sanity, that it isnt his responsibility that I feel that way. I am just jealous, that's all. I became ridiculous and childish cos I hold grudge and honestly I dont like to be blinded by jealousy feeling. He made it worse by telling his ex that I dont like him helping her which is wrong. i dont like he pushed me away and ignore me for hours cos he was with her. He defends her in when I said she knows you have a gf already why cant she leaves you alone. He said they are best friends, yea rite. To me no friendship after relationship and he says I am stupid and has no trust at all. So I left him and he didnt stop trying to get back yet never want to apologize for what he did. We got back together a few times on and off. He always say when i feel down because of him that is not his responsibility. I make myself down. He never stop attacking my reactions that they are my natural characters to be ridiculous, mean and childish when i ask him to stop befriending her. Simply because she never stop contacting him and he attends when i dont know. His reason is, it feels good to talk to someone from your native country.

I want to break up but he knows my weak spot we get back together countless time. I just want something.. someone to tell him right on his face that he is wrong. But i guess he wont buy will he...

[TheEvilJester]

Let me start off with this...

If he was ignoring your texts while he was with her, I don't necessarily automatically think there is anything wrong with that. Why? Because he's currently hanging out with her. So, it would actually be rude to her for him to be constantly ignoring her while he is in person with her to text with you all day. That is ignoring the fact that it is his ex and just thinking of her as any other friend. If she were just any other friend, I would bet it probably wouldn't bother you, or at least not quite so much. So, if you are going to be okay with a boyfriend who is still friends with his ex, then you'd have to be okay with him treating her the way he would any other friend, and for any other friend he should be hanging out with them when he is with them, not ignoring them to constantly text his girlfriend when he could talk to her/see her later.

.....

Now, that said.... There's NO reason he couldn't take two seconds to respond to one of your texts just to say "Love ya, girlie. We'll talk later, though. Right now I'm with (insert friend/ex's name here)." Something short and simple like that to demonstrate that he cares, but he's just occupied right now. For him to just blatantly ignore you... I can understand how you'd feel.

And the bottom line is.... you know what? It doesn't really matter whether he is right or wrong. There is no right or wrong here. What matters is he is completely dismissive and disrespectful of how you feel. Whether or not he thinks there is any problem with him having such a close friendship with his ex.... YOU have a problem with it. So, as your boyfriend, he should be respectful and understanding of the fact that his actions hurt your feelings. IF his friendship with her is too important to him to give up, then he wouldn't be wrong not to be willing to give it up..... BUT you also wouldn't be wrong if that just didn't work for you.

But the bottom line is where he IS wrong is by being so dismissive and disrespectful of your feelings. What IS wrong is when he belittles you for having doubts and concerns that ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING would have in your same situation. So, I would not necessarily vilify him just for being friends with an ex.... but what I personally cannot forgive is the way he treats you for not being fully okay with it. Rather than to talk to you like a mature adult and decide if you two can find a way to make it work so you are both okay with it, he basically just tells you "No. You are wrong, I am right, and that is it." Honestly, if you two talked it out respectfully and could not come to an agreement, then fine. Maybe then you respectfully, together, decide that you two just aren't the right match. But, when he dismisses you like your thoughts and feelings don't matter, he doesn't even give you the chance to do that.

So, if you ask me it sounds like you deserve better. Maybe he can actually BE that better, but if not then I wish you the strength to realize that and move on. Good luck to you.

[Anthony#8]

That's not cheating to my opinion. That's like you are chatting with some strange person on those chatting sites like Party line or Pal talk, something like that. You are just chatting, not dating that person. But still.. you have that option too. Am I right?

[TheEvilJester]

Aren't those "chatting sites" meant for hooking up? I could be wrong/may be thinking of something other than what you are talking about.... but I thought that was the intended purpose of that sort of site. So, if I am correct, that certainly WOULD be cheating. Cheating does not have to just involve sex. You can "emotionally cheat" as they say. Not to mention, if you are "sexting" with, or phone sexing, or whatever the kids do these days with somebody who is not your significant other, you may not be PHYSICALLY cheating, but the sure as heck is still cheating.