Ladies, single for a year now. I need some advice

[Jamxoxo]

Hello. I have been single for a year and few months now. My ex and I separated because I found out that he was texting another female calling her beautiful and what not.

The relationship lasted for about 5 months, but talked 2 months prior to dating for 5. He treated me like a princess, but I felt we were still learning how we communicate and all that entering a new relationship. I had previous trust issues and were working on them myself. I had laid what I thought was everything on out the table with him.

About 4 months in I noticed that his behavior began to change. Skiddish when I would walk behind him while he was on his phone, phone being placed upside down, hidden phone and etc. So I had my suspicions. I confronted him about his behavior and he said he wasn't cheating or whatever. I didn't believe him and went through his phone. I found him texting and sending pictures to another female.

We broke up the next day and he had texted me that he stopped and cried in the middle of my drive way, while I went into the house crying. I spent countless of months trying to get an answer as to why he did what he did? He told me he didn't know and that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I eventually gave up.

I stopped worrying about him, but I still had to see him because he lives around. I would see him at different events and I could tell that he wanted to talk to me. He then got a "girlfriend" for a couple months while I was single and later broke up.

Between that he had deleted me on fb and such. Now after it has been a year he has added me back, sends texts to see how I am and all that. I still see him around and it has gotten to where we hug and have some conversation. My mom and everyone can see that he still has feelings for me.

Should I give him another chance? I don't know what he could possibly do to come back from this. I still miss him and he truly treated me like a princess, except for this one thing.

Do I reach out to him to try again or do I just let him continue to come on his own terms? Ugh.

Thank you for the advice in advance and reading this. Relationships suck sometimes :/

[Princep]

Id say you should give it another go. Only because you said he treated you like a princess before you broke up with him. You have already proved that you wont stand for any infedelity, as you have been apart for over a year now for that reason. I think he will or at least should have learned a well taught lesson. So i think you will probably have less to fear in terms of him doing it again, but make sure he knows that if there is a next time its the last time. You dont sound like anyones fool just trust your instincts.

[Jamxoxo]

Thank you I just have to be clear with him like you said. So should I reach out to him about me offering another chance or should I just let him come to me? He might even feel that I won't ever give him another, but I am at least talking to him.

[melancholia]

Has he actually tried to talk to you about giving your relationship another chance, or are you just interpreting his behavior as a sign that he wants to? I would tread carefully on this one. I'm not saying you shouldn't get back together with him, if he's done some quality soul-searching during his time being single, and he is ready for a real relationship, then that's great. You can talk about pursuing that together. But keep in mind that old habits die hard (for lack of a better cliche) and you want to be sure that you won't run into the same problems if you get back together. Also, it's worth asking how you've been able to work through your trust issues... have you done that? Are you able to leave your SO's phone alone and not read through their private property? It's important to trust the person you're with until they give you a reason not to. I know that he did give you a reason not to trust him before, but if you are going to start over from scratch with him, you are going to have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise the same issues will come up again like they did before, and if you go snooping for things in someone's social media/phone messages, you will find them.

[Jamxoxo]

From his behavior seems to me that he may want to be together again, but he knows he messed up so kinda holding back. I went into the relationship giving him the benefit of the doubt knowing I had my own issues. We all do, but when it becomes apparent that something is going on...then I'm going to ask. You tell me whatever, I'll take it and then see if it is a moment or pattern. I am able to leave my SO's phone alone, but why even be in a relationship with me if you're not going to do right by me. I'm being catious with him, in general.

[melancholia]

I think you would be much better off asking him directly what he wants from you as far as a relationship goes. If he can be dedicated to making things work with you two, and he doesn't fall back into the same patterns he did before, then I am sure you can have a happy, healthy relationship. But if he hasn't learned from his mistakes, and if you can't trust him, then you won't get anywhere and you'll wind up in the same place you were before. I know that couples can come back to each other after splitting up and come out stronger in the end; but that takes a lot of effort from both people to give up their old habits, insecurities, and issues, in order to let the relationship flourish.

[Jamxoxo]

I'm hesitant about asking him. Lol because I could just be looking too into it and he just wants to be friends or civil. Only he knows what he wants and I feel that if he truly wanted another chance he would mention it. Or just like me and hesitant. 😣

[melancholia]

You won't know until you ask. If you wait for him to bring it up, it may never come up and then where will you be? I think it's better if you tell him you want more than just a friendship with him and see where it goes from there.

[Jamxoxo]

That's the thing...im not sure what we are at this point. We're friendly. Some conversation and exchange of messages. How do I go about asking him? I don't want to seem so pressed and have him thinking he's got me or something. I do miss him.... I just don't know where is head is at?? I was maybe thinking to ask if he wanted to go out for drinks or something simple. Ideas?