Help me, I'm dying inside!

[Rosita73]

After 2 and a half years of marriage, my husband says he wants to be free and try other women. He is going out with a girl
where he works at but after leaving my home he keeps on inviting me out to eat and chat but he hurts with his words me over and ove. The last
time he said , Did you think I was going to ask you back?, no way"
I'm 43 and he is 26. When I got married I thought he was my dream come true (he behaved very mature for his age) but it my dream has turned into
a horrible nightmare. Everyone says I look like 30 years old and that I'm beautiful. I work and I consider myself a loving and caring person.
I don't know what happened because he didn't give me clues of not lovig me until a couple months before telling me in a cold turkey way
that he didn't want to be with me any longer, that he was acting kind of distant.
I thought I was going to get over this but it is turning to be a situation that is destroying me. I don't want to work any more, I want to disappear
and living has become a torment for me. Is there anything you can tell me to help me come out of this torment?

[Miranda77]

Kick him out of your life! Don't fall for those calls! Like you said you are good looking and I bet you can find a date in a week! No one needs immature guy! Time to move on. I always say to my friends after breakups go out, have fun, change your hairstyle, do something crazy you never did before, talk to people, meet new people. If you want a lazy day go online chatting. My friend is now hooked on one local site sanantonio.partyline.com she's been on many dates since her boyfriend left her, that really leveled up her confidence. Just occupy yourself with anything and you'll see that life has just begun. Take care and good luck!

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with Miranda. Unfortunately, this is something that is going to hurt for some time.... but you WILL get through it. Bottom line, I don't even know your fella and I already hate him. Apologies if that seems harsh, but I have NO sympathy for somebody who could find love and then just crap all over it like that. For most of my life, I've so badly wanted love, and for most of my life I've known I'll never find it. It infuriates me when somebody could have it, but they toss their partner aside like garbage.

I am so sorry this happened to you. You deserve better. I could not agree with Miranda more. Even if he came crawling on his hands and knees begging you back, I personally do not think you should even give him the time of day. Kick him to the curb once and for all. You don't need him in your life in ANY capacity.

For now, focus on healing. Focus on remembering how to be happy just with you alone. When you feel up to it, start hanging out with friends, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, and whatever makes you happy. In time, you WILL find somebody who will appreciate you and would never dare let you go. Scumbags like him will jump from relationship to relationship like they are buying new pants and eventually find themselves miserable and alone. Let him have his fate while you move on and find yourself a REAL man.

Good luck.

[Rosita73]

Kick him out of your life! Don't fall for those calls! Like you said you are good looking and I bet you can find a date in a week! No one needs immature guy! Time to move on. I always say to my friends after breakups go out, have fun, change your hairstyle, do something crazy you never did before, talk to people, meet new people. If you want a lazy day go online chatting. My friend is now hooked on one local site sanantonio.partyline.com she's been on many dates since her boyfriend left her, that really leveled up her confidence. Just occupy yourself with anything and you'll see that life has just begun. Take care and good luck!

Thank you so much for your response and advice. I can't take a break and escape from my thoughts and my feelings since I'm trapped in my job. I need all the tips everyone can give until one hit the spot in my heart, mind and soul and make me free. I am refuging myself in God but I don't know what's wrong with me.
My mom said I created an attachment with the person I thought he was but that is just a character I created in my longing to have the prince charming in my life.
It may be truth but I don't know how to let go.

My mom says I'm not suffering so much for him since I can see he is not what I thought he was, but that I'm suffering cause I see this as a defeat in my life. Cause I am the one who has been rejected and what is worse he is rejecting me for other woman who is younger.

I want to leave my job, I want to go to other state where my sister lives, I think I'm losing my mind. Why I can't I get over this? Am I too weak? I thought I was
a strong willed person. :-(

This is so embarrasing.

[melancholia]

Do you have any vacation time available at work? Maybe you should use it and take some time away to recharge your batteries and reconnect with yourself and your life. You may be heartbroken, but you're not dead. Give yourself time to heal and be patient with yourself, but try not to succumb to the pain and the anguish for too long or it will consume you. Break ups are really hard. I've been there, but you can get through this. Your mom may be right when she said you built up this image of your husband because you wanted to conform him into something you thought he was... and he couldn't live up to that image you created. Love isn't about twisting people into the versions we want them to be, love is about allowing someone to be exactly the way they are, and not trying to stuff them into some kind of hypothetical box. You can love again, and I believe you will. You need to give yourself some time to heal from this and then you can move forward. Getting away from your life for a few days/weeks would be great. Go visit your sister, or better yet, take a solo vacation somewhere you've always wanted to go and enjoy yourself without any feelings of guilt. Sometimes we all need to just get away for a while and come back to our lives with a new perspective and greater appreciation for life.

[Miranda77]

There's nothing embarrassing about it. That just means you are human!
Let it out, cry it out (that's healthy) and you will let it go. You have all the right to do that. I know it's hard but believe me you will make it through.
I agree with your mom, you suffer for that person you created in your head, but reality is different and it hurts.
And about leaving your job, think about it, if you feel that could help you, do it!
When all this is over you'll see how strong you actually are. We fall only to rise again stronger.

[TheEvilJester]

Your Mom sounds like a smart woman. I think she hit the nail right on the head. I often offer similar advice to people who come here. I would agree wholeheartedly with your mom. I think you mourn, not for losing HIM, but for losing the him you THOUGHT he was. You want to find that special someone in your life, and there was once a time when you thought that WAS him. ...But you'll never find that by going back to him. He never was that and he never will be.

You are not weak, you are not losing your mind. You are somebody who knows what she wants.... thought she found it.... and now has to deal with the realization that she made a mistake. Believe me, I think we all know from experience at some point in our life that this particular mistake can be quite a devastating one to make. To think you were so in love with a person, only to learn they were not who you thought they were at all, that can really hurt.

That can leave you wondering what must be wrong with you that you didn't realize they were so wrong for you.... that you allowed yourself to fall for somebody who turned out to be so bad. The thing is, that is NOT your fault. I would be willing to bet a great deal that the fella you'd thought you met was NOTHING like the fella he revealed himself to be in time. In other words, I am sure he pretended to be everything you were looking for in somebody. So, at first, of course you thought he was just that. People like that are good at hiding their true scumbag selves just long enough that they get you hooked.

You are not losing your mind. Of course you are hurting right now. But, that will get better in time, and eventually you won't hurt at all anymore. As others have suggested, if you have some vacation time available to you at work, now might be a good time to use a little. Take some time to yourself. Do something that makes you happy. In addition to that, spend some time with people you love. Positive influences on you.

The more you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, the more they will help you realize that the problem isn't you, it was him all along. Eventually, you will feel better, and that is the time to get back out there and try again (just NOT with that jerk). Your Mr. Right is out there looking for you. You'll find him some day. Don't let Mr. Wrong ruin that for you.

Good luck.

[dontaskme]

Leaving your job is the worst thing you can do during a break up. My grandfather used to say, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop". Keep yourself busy with work or anything instead of wallowing in despair. Pain is a part of breaking up but it will get better in time, especially if you can shift your attention into something more positive and worthwhile.