Broke the no contact rule in my ldr.

[Helpme55]

Hi all,

I used the "no contact rule" on my "ex" ( LDR). After 48days I decided to reach her via Whatsapp. Her grand mother died, so I send her a message with that I'm sorry for your loss etc..

I stopped contacting her because she began to ignore my messages and I had the feeling that I was bothering her instead of making her happy with my messages.

Is it wrong that I have reach her after such a long time of no contact? She responded only with : Thanks.

Should I move on and let this go? I know that if I will ask her how she feels that she will say: Im fine and you? And after that she won't start an new subject. It's like she hasn't got interest in me as before..

[TheEvilJester]

You didn't break your no contact rule just for little to no reason. You broke your no contact rule because her grandmother passed away. You did good there. You did the right thing.

As it is, I can't necessarily comment on the rest without further details. What exactly did you two discuss as far as your "no contact rules?" Did you decide on a certain length of time? Was there a plan to come back together at some point and discuss your relationship and whether you were going to try again or end it permanently? Also, why were you two on a break in the first place? What were the issues that caused you to take a break?

You don't have to answer any questions you'd rather not, but that may help me better comment.

As it it, just based on my gut reaction to what you have shared, my advice would just be to move on. You should never have to convince somebody you are worth their time. Anybody who can't be bothered to give you their time doesn't deserve YOURS in the first place. So, if she only ever made you feel like you were a burden when you two were actively together, how exactly would that have changed now? Your significant other should be the one person in life making you feel like you matter the most. They certainly shouldn't just make you feel more worthless and like you are annoying to them. So, I'd sort of think maybe you deserve better.... but again, I don't know enough about the situation to know if there were issues you two could maybe deal with to get things back on track, or if you might just be better leaving her and looking for somebody else.

Good luck!

[melancholia]

I think the message you sent her was a nice gesture, but it's best to leave her be so she can heal.

[Helpme55]

You didn't break your no contact rule just for little to no reason. You broke your no contact rule because her grandmother passed away. You did good there. You did the right thing.

As it is, I can't necessarily comment on the rest without further details. What exactly did you two discuss as far as your "no contact rules?" Did you decide on a certain length of time? Was there a plan to come back together at some point and discuss your relationship and whether you were going to try again or end it permanently? Also, why were you two on a break in the first place? What were the issues that caused you to take a break?

You don't have to answer any questions you'd rather not, but that may help me better comment.

As it it, just based on my gut reaction to what you have shared, my advice would just be to move on. You should never have to convince somebody you are worth their time. Anybody who can't be bothered to give you their time doesn't deserve YOURS in the first place. So, if she only ever made you feel like you were a burden when you two were actively together, how exactly would that have changed now? Your significant other should be the one person in life making you feel like you matter the most. They certainly shouldn't just make you feel more worthless and like you are annoying to them. So, I'd sort of think maybe you deserve better.... but again, I don't know enough about the situation to know if there were issues you two could maybe deal with to get things back on track, or if you might just be better leaving her and looking for somebody else.

Good luck!

Our relationship was fantastic. She was looking for flight tickets to visit me and so did I. But around end may she became out of nowhere cold in her messages against me. She wouldn't send heart symbols as before and her messages were very cold like: yes i'm good you? She showed no interest.

I asked her if I did something wrong and she said no. She said that my hopes were to high and that she could not visit me till next year because she has a busy schedule with work and she ain't got a lot of money. I understanded it and I said that it doesn't matter how long I needed to wait.

After that she kept being cold. So I messaged her two weeks the next message:

Hi ..., it has been a long time since we last talked.I've honestly tried staying away from you. To give you your time/space, but I just can't.
You are not just someone you are for me the only one.
I just want to make things clear between us and to know what you think about this.

I know this is a complicated situation, but I will wait the time it takes to be with you again. Hope this finds you in good health.

She read this message and posted the next facebook status with a sad emotion for a couple of minutes : You will never understand the extent of hurt this has caused" after she saw that I seen it, she deleted it immediatly.

I message her : "you said that I will never understand the extent of hurt this has caused ( this is about your feelings right?) But why haven't you messaged me in time we did not had contact?

And I can visit you in August if you fency that. I will go with a friend of mine to London"

She never responded to it. I thought that she would like the news that I could go to the uk and visit her but she showed no emotion or opinion. ( She lives 1,5hour from London)

I even send her another message a week later to ask her if she would fency it if I would visit her.
No response.

So on 12th of July I send her the next message :
"It's clear to me after getting no response. I'll just stop texting you before I'm (if i'm already not, lol...) bothering you.

I just want to thank you. I've made my mistakes in the past, but you were never one. I might want to change a lot of things I've done in the past, but one thing I never want to change was meeting you.

No hard feelings. I wish you all the best in life.
Maybe we'll meet again in life, you never know."

She didn't respond, so I stopped contacting her until this week.
in the time that I didn't contact her, she began to post Jason Mraz love song lyrics on facebook and quote. One quote was as example:" I have ruined myself for a lot of people who weren't even worth it" I felt related to that quote, maybe I overthink but I did not ask her about it.

So the reason why I did NC was because I think that i'm bothering her instead of making her happy with messaging her.

[melancholia]

It sounds more like she lost interest in you and didn't want to pursue a relationship any further than you had. You were reading way too far into her social media actions and I think you might have come across as smothering or overbearing for her. I think you should leave her alone now and try to move on. There are other women out there who would be happy to be with you.

[Helpme55]

You were reading way too far into her social media actions and I think you might have come across as smothering or overbearing for her. .

What do you mean? I literally ignored her on social media. I stopped sending messages, liking her posts on facebook and watching her snapchat story.. i went NC on her completly from begin July till know.. The last thing that I liked on her facebook was a picture from mid June..

But maybe your right. Maybe is one message enough for her to be like: " oh, there is he again sigh.."

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, so hearing a little more of your story, I have a few follow up questions. And, again, you don't have to answer them if you don't want, but they may help me have a better understanding and thereby give a more well informed opinion.

So, you say she kind of started to seem a little cold in her responses at one point. Now, I know this is kind of asking you to guess what she was thinking.... but do you think there may have been any particular reason WHY she suddenly started to become cold on you? Did something happen, or did you two have some kind of argument or disagreement or anything like that? Is it at all possible you may have said or done something that upset her (even though, IF you did, I'm sure it was intentional on your part)? Or, as far as you can tell, were things great one day and suddenly the next day she's Mrs. Freeze?

Now, after she started being a little cold, did you ever ask her what was wrong? You did say you asked her if you did anything wrong, but did you also ask her whether there was just something going on with her? Maybe she was upset at the time, but it wasn't at you or because of you in any way, it was just completely some other unrelated thing.

Also, when you did decide just to stop contacting her to, as you put it, give her her "time/space," had you two discussed that at all? Or did you just stop contacting her completely? Final question, regarding her Facebook status of "You will never understand the extent of hurt this has caused." Was that a private message on Facebook directly to you? Or a comment on one of your posts? Or a comment in response to one of your comments on a previous post of hers?

Or was it just a brand new Facebook update of its own just on her Facebook timeline? I ask because I am wondering if it is at all possible that she wasn't talking about you. You jumped to the conclusion that this Facebook status of hers was directed at you.... and maybe it was, but it is also just as possible it was completely unrelated to you.

Anyway, the only reason I ask all those questions is to get a better idea. I mean, just as one possibility off the top of my head.... It's possible she was beginning to get cold with you because she was going through some drama in her life. It could have been completely unrelated to you, but she could have been going through some crap and maybe didn't MEAN to be so cold to you, but she was just too down to be her normal cheery self.

Anyway, to be 100% honest with you, even if that WAS the case, I still feel like my personal conclusion is the same. She let weeks go by and didn't even bother to reach out to you. I understand you did the same thing, but A) you were the last to reach out to her before you just gave up and B) you did so because she started to make you feel like she wanted nothing to do with you. So, if she still cared, she could have reached out to you within those two weeks.

Not only that, but any time you finally did reach out to her again, you still continued to either get completely ignored or to get cold, short, heartless responses. So, as far as I am concerned, it really doesn't matter much at all WHY she chose to check out of your relationship.... the fact that she did at all tells me you deserve better. Look, I can understand if she was going through a lot of crap in her life. Who among us hasn't? But, that is all the more reason to lean on your loved ones, not pull away from them.

And, Hell, maybe it is as simple as she no longer felt she could do the long distance thing, or she just wasn't that into the relationship, or any number of things like that...... BUT that doesn't change the fact that a mature, responsible adult who actually cares whether or not they hurt other people would handle that by TELLING you that.... not by just basically checking out and ignoring you. So, frankly, there is almost no excuse in the world that would tell me she deserves another chance with you. I think you should just move on and find somebody who will appreciate you the way you deserve. Good luck.

[Helpme55]

Okay, so hearing a little more of your story, I have a few follow up questions. And, again, you don't have to answer them if you don't want, but they may help me have a better understanding and thereby give a more well informed opinion.

So, you say she kind of started to seem a little cold in her responses at one point. Now, I know this is kind of asking you to guess what she was thinking.... but do you think there may have been any particular reason WHY she suddenly started to become cold on you? Did something happen, or did you two have some kind of argument or disagreement or anything like that? Is it at all possible you may have said or done something that upset her (even though, IF you did, I'm sure it was intentional on your part)? Or, as far as you can tell, were things great one day and suddenly the next day she's Mrs. Freeze?

Now, after she started being a little cold, did you ever ask her what was wrong? You did say you asked her if you did anything wrong, but did you also ask her whether there was just something going on with her? Maybe she was upset at the time, but it wasn't at you or because of you in any way, it was just completely some other unrelated thing.

Also, when you did decide just to stop contacting her to, as you put it, give her her "time/space," had you two discussed that at all? Or did you just stop contacting her completely? Final question, regarding her Facebook status of "You will never understand the extent of hurt this has caused." Was that a private message on Facebook directly to you? Or a comment on one of your posts? Or a comment in response to one of your comments on a previous post of hers?

Or was it just a brand new Facebook update of its own just on her Facebook timeline? I ask because I am wondering if it is at all possible that she wasn't talking about you. You jumped to the conclusion that this Facebook status of hers was directed at you.... and maybe it was, but it is also just as possible it was completely unrelated to you.

Anyway, the only reason I ask all those questions is to get a better idea. I mean, just as one possibility off the top of my head.... It's possible she was beginning to get cold with you because she was going through some drama in her life. It could have been completely unrelated to you, but she could have been going through some crap and maybe didn't MEAN to be so cold to you, but she was just too down to be her normal cheery self.

Anyway, to be 100% honest with you, even if that WAS the case, I still feel like my personal conclusion is the same. She let weeks go by and didn't even bother to reach out to you. I understand you did the same thing, but A) you were the last to reach out to her before you just gave up and B) you did so because she started to make you feel like she wanted nothing to do with you. So, if she still cared, she could have reached out to you within those two weeks.

Not only that, but any time you finally did reach out to her again, you still continued to either get completely ignored or to get cold, short, heartless responses. So, as far as I am concerned, it really doesn't matter much at all WHY she chose to check out of your relationship.... the fact that she did at all tells me you deserve better. Look, I can understand if she was going through a lot of crap in her life. Who among us hasn't? But, that is all the more reason to lean on your loved ones, not pull away from them.

And, Hell, maybe it is as simple as she no longer felt she could do the long distance thing, or she just wasn't that into the relationship, or any number of things like that...... BUT that doesn't change the fact that a mature, responsible adult who actually cares whether or not they hurt other people would handle that by TELLING you that.... not by just basically checking out and ignoring you. So, frankly, there is almost no excuse in the world that would tell me she deserves another chance with you. I think you should just move on and find somebody who will appreciate you the way you deserve. Good luck.

Hi Jester, I will answer all your questions. Every answer ends with a ------.

On the second of may, I send her a message to know if she still cared/loved me as the first day that we met each other(exactly two weeks ago from that date).

Me:

You know that I trust you and love you so much ❤❤,but I need to know something.. Do you still feel the same way about me as I do about you since day one? Meeting you is the best thing that have ever happened to me.. I only think about one thing and thats you. I know its hard that we dont life next to each other, but for me distance means nothing when someone like you means so much for me.. Every night I think about you before bed with the hope to have you in my dreams.. I will never give up on us. I will always give you all my love❤.

She:

It is really hard and I do feel the same but I'm worried that we won't see each other for a long Time 😢 I hate that we are so far apart I wish it was easier because I'd love to be with you ❤.

I said that it's very frustrating and that videochat would be the only way to see each other. I said that we could do a couple of time a week. I said that we needed to find a solution because i didnt want to end this.

She said:

We will see sweetie I'm just worried as if I get this managers thing it will be even harder

(She works 6days a week, she is very busy and i understand and accepted that. She was casting for a manager course and see got it weeks later. I congratulated her.)

After our conversation I send her at night a sweet dreams message and she did it to.

After that day (3may) we still had a normal conversation. I send her at night a sweet dreams again. the next morning when i woke up, I saw the next message from her:

Sweetie I'm really worried that your hopes are a little to high 😢 I don't want to let you down or see you get hurt

I said and I wonder why, maybe because I was disappointed in her for having such an vision from me :

Oke I understand. i'll forget this. Don't worry about me. I'm not mad or anything like that. I knew since the day that i got the paper with your number, that this would be a 50/50 situation. But i kept my faith in it. Im just disappointed in myself....What do you mean long time?

( She gave my friend a paper with her number and facebook. My friend gave it to me after getting it. He said that he needed to give it to me).

She:

Don't be silly just be careful it maybe a long time 😢 I'm not saying forget I'm saying don't be disappointed if I can't see you that often it's going to be hard. I just don't want you to be careful.

The next day (4may)she even send me out of nowhere a message that she had a car accident. I asked her if she was injured. ( she wasn't thank god) we talked for hours about her problem. She came to me about this accident. So she still seemed to see me as an important person to her

But she became cold after her message from me having high hopes. No more heart symbols etc..

----------

Around 17th of may. (From 6th of may till 17th we had now and then some normal conversations fyi) she posted something on FB about making a erong decision. So i was overthinking.. and i send her in private the next:

Hi ....., that post on fb about the decision. Does that have something to do with us.?


She said :

No sweetie, I was suppose to move to Australia last year now I'm regretting not going

Me:
What was I thinking. Dumb...
I just need to stop having high hopes. Got some feelings after seeing your beautiful pic at the post. I just need to accept how it is.

She:

I'm sorry I just don't know what's going on atm.

Me:
Me neither. You dont need to be sorry. Imjust very confused.

She:
I said I will try to visit you but that won't be till next year

Me:

It doesn't matter. Visiting aint a problem. If you want I can visite you after summer or even in July. I know you are extremly busy with work etc. And i just want the best for you. Im just confused cuz I got a paper in Crete with your phone number (thank god cuz i love having contact with you) and now i notice that the contact between us isnt the same as before. If i have done something wrong you need to tell me that. I know its normal cuz we dont see each other that often. But i thought that you wanted to keep contact. But if it goes this way this will fade away.

She:

I'm having a lot of trouble at home I'm just very busy and going through some crap with a few people

At this moment I knew that she had problems. So I said that i'm sorry. I said that if she needed to having someone to tslk eith that she could always message me.

She said :

I know but I don't talk well I just keep busy.
But thanks. I'm very poorly too.

I said:

I dont care if you will visit me next year or when ever. I just want you to be happy and healthy. I will visit you if you want. I understand it. I dont want to obligate you.

This was all send around 17-18th of May. She talked about her problems but she never explained exactly what kind of problems it were.. maybe I needed to ask her about that buti didn't do it. Dont know why...

This was the last message that she responded to. On the 21th of may I send her a message about having a football/soccer game and I would not be able to talk the hole day. She saw the message 5DAYS later and never responded to it.

She still send me a congratulation message by the end of may on my birthday. After the football/soccer message, I noticed that she came online on whatsapp around three times a week. When we spoke together she was always online every single day.

-------------

No, I just stopped the contact for about 1,5 weeks. From around 30th may till 9th of June. I was testing her if she would begin the conversation again. But she never did. So I send her that message.

-------------

Her Facebook status: " You will never understand the extent of hurt this has caused is related to this message from me:

Hi ....., it has been a long time since we last talked.🐶 I've honestly tried staying away from you. To give you your time/space, but I just can't.
You are not just someone you are for me the only one🙈.
I just want to make things clear between us and to know what you think about this.

I know this is a complicated situation, but I will wait the time it takes to be with you again. Hope this finds you in good health😉.

I send this message on 9th of June. she saw my message on 23th of June!!! But she immediatly posted it after seeing my message on her facebook status, so everyone could see it. When she saw that I saw her post she delete it directly.

After a while i send her a private message. I also posted the next status on my facebook: Messenger📲. I did this to let her know that I send her something in private. She understand it and read my private message.

My message to her:

I feel the pain everyday, but at least it keeps me thinking about you..!
I promised you that I would be there for you in rough times, and I still will.
I'll be going to London soon with a friend of mine.We could meet if you would like otherwise I will understand it.

She never responded to that. I even looked a couple of time on her Facebook if she would post something, but she never did.

And after that i send her another message about visiting her on 7th July. She read theprivate messageon 12th July, 5 days later..You can find it on the other poat that i did on this threat.

And then the last message of me 12th July just before going NC for 48days till now :

It's clear to me after getting no response. I'll just stop texting you before I'm (if i'm already not, lol...) bothering you.

I just want to thank you. I've made my mistakes in the past, but you were never one. I might want to change a lot of things I've done in the past, but one thing I never want to change was meeting you.

No hard feelings. I wish you all the best in life.😉
Maybe we'll meet again in life, you never know.

------------.

So I really don't know if I did something wrong. Maybe it's something I said? I really don't know.Hope you can help me with this.
But I agree with you best thing to do is to move on..

I totally agree maybe she could not handle the distance anymore. I would understsnd that, but no one deserves to be threaten this way..

Some people tend to ignore problems away. But it doesn't help anyone in the long run, Europe ignored Hitler for the best par of a decade, we all know how that turned out..

[princecaspian]

I think that breaking the no contact rule in your case doesn't exactly count. You were extending sympathy, which is a nice thing to do, especially in the case that someone's relative died. But if you know that your ex wouldn't try to pursue a conversation, then its probably best to let it go since it sounds like they aren't too interested in talking anymore.
Best of luck, though.

[TheEvilJester]

Thank you for sharing further details. I don't think I'd say you did anything wrong. However, I do sort of see a lot of me in you, so I think I understand very much so how you feel. So, the only advice I think I would offer SPECIFICALLY for you is that you do need to learn to relax a little. And, believe me, I'm not meaning that as an insult, nor am I meaning that to imply that you are at all to blame for her growing so cold with you. Believe me, like I said, you remind me a lot of me in the way you described your interactions above, so I mean no judgment at all.

However, it sounds like you may have had to learn the hard way a lesson I, too, learned the hard way. It sounds like you may have let your worries/concerns get the best of you. She kept trying to tell you that things were okay between you two, but that she wasn't sure if/when you'd have enough time to be together. She said that because she didn't want to hurt your feelings if she was unable to commit to the relationship as much as you would want from a girlfriend.

So, what you should have done was either A) accepted that, relaxed, and let your relationship take its natural course. Just see where things go and take it from there. OR B) If that honestly wasn't enough for you, you wouldn't have been wrong just to end it and move on. No need for hard feelings. Maybe you need a girlfriend you can be with more, and maybe she just cannot offer that right now.

However, instead you kept trying to ask her if things were okay and even kept pushing it when she tried to be honest with you about it. So, it is possible that contributed to her pulling away....

HOWEVER.... do not misunderstand me. That is not me saying it was okay for her to treat you that way. It was NOT. The fact that you care so much is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. It's just, and I've learned this the hard way, you have to learn to better recognize who does and does not deserve it. When she told you that you two were okay, but she just doesn't want you to get your hopes too high, you should have left it at that and just let things progress however they would (again, or just end it if that didn't quite feel right for you). However, that still doesn't make the way she treated you okay, nor is it ANY kind of acceptable excuse for her growing so cold with you.

She should be lucky to have a guy who cares as much as you. She can't see that, so she doesn't deserve you anyway. Yes, you could definitely stand to learn to relax a bit when you are in a relationship. Don't worry so much about whether a gal likes you, or whether she's going to suddenly stop liking you. If she's a good person, she won't just suddenly stop liking you out of the blue. If she DOES, then she doesn't deserve you anyway and you'd be better off finding that out sooner rather than later. You deserve a good gal who will make you happy. Stop worrying so much about whether somebody likes you, and instead focus on whether you like them.

Good luck to you!

[Helpme55]

I think that breaking the no contact rule in your case doesn't exactly count. You were extending sympathy, which is a nice thing to do, especially in the case that someone's relative died. But if you know that your ex wouldn't try to pursue a conversation, then its probably best to let it go since it sounds like they aren't too interested in talking anymore.
Best of luck, though.

Thanks!

I'm already getting over this relationship. It's hard but it's better than holding on.

I got my days that I'm sad, but it's less than before.

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you for sharing further details. I don't think I'd say you did anything wrong. However, I do sort of see a lot of me in you, so I think I understand very much so how you feel. So, the only advice I think I would offer SPECIFICALLY for you is that you do need to learn to relax a little. And, believe me, I'm not meaning that as an insult, nor am I meaning that to imply that you are at all to blame for her growing so cold with you. Believe me, like I said, you remind me a lot of me in the way you described your interactions above, so I mean no judgment at all.

However, it sounds like you may have had to learn the hard way a lesson I, too, learned the hard way. It sounds like you may have let your worries/concerns get the best of you. She kept trying to tell you that things were okay between you two, but that she wasn't sure if/when you'd have enough time to be together. She said that because she didn't want to hurt your feelings if she was unable to commit to the relationship as much as you would want from a girlfriend.

So, what you should have done was either A) accepted that, relaxed, and let your relationship take its natural course. Just see where things go and take it from there. OR B) If that honestly wasn't enough for you, you wouldn't have been wrong just to end it and move on. No need for hard feelings. Maybe you need a girlfriend you can be with more, and maybe she just cannot offer that right now.

However, instead you kept trying to ask her if things were okay and even kept pushing it when she tried to be honest with you about it. So, it is possible that contributed to her pulling away....

HOWEVER.... do not misunderstand me. That is not me saying it was okay for her to treat you that way. It was NOT. The fact that you care so much is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. It's just, and I've learned this the hard way, you have to learn to better recognize who does and does not deserve it. When she told you that you two were okay, but she just doesn't want you to get your hopes too high, you should have left it at that and just let things progress however they would (again, or just end it if that didn't quite feel right for you). However, that still doesn't make the way she treated you okay, nor is it ANY kind of acceptable excuse for her growing so cold with you.

She should be lucky to have a guy who cares as much as you. She can't see that, so she doesn't deserve you anyway. Yes, you could definitely stand to learn to relax a bit when you are in a relationship. Don't worry so much about whether a gal likes you, or whether she's going to suddenly stop liking you. If she's a good person, she won't just suddenly stop liking you out of the blue. If she DOES, then she doesn't deserve you anyway and you'd be better off finding that out sooner rather than later. You deserve a good gal who will make you happy. Stop worrying so much about whether somebody likes you, and instead focus on whether you like them.

Good luck to you!

Thanks Jester.

You're right I needed to be more relax and yes I agree that I needed to stop the contact when she said about my high hopes. I really don't know atm, why I helt contact for another 2months after she saying that.

Love makes blind they say, and it's true. I never realised at the moments that she send that kind of messages that she might not love me. I always said to myself that she still loves me.

But things are finally going better, ofcourse there are moments that I think about her and then I feel sad. But it's less than before!

[TheEvilJester]

I know exactly why you still kept contacting her and it is because you still wanted to believe there could be something between you two. You thought you saw something in her you liked and thought maybe she really could be "the one." Why would you give that up so easily? It's just, (and again, I say this from experience) if something like this is meant to be (a romantic relationship, or Hell, even just a friendship) it will be. That isn't to say you can just neglect the relationship/friendship/whatever and things will just work out. You DO have to actually put in the appropriate work and show interest..... I'm just saying that you don't have to force things.

Trust me, I've been there with women who've interested me and I've even been there with so-called "friends." For most of my life, I've had little to no self-esteem. So, it's often hard for me to believe that anybody could like me, whether as a friend or even more. So, when somebody DOES, I can't help myself from freaking out that it is going to suddenly change. I start driving myself crazy over-analyzing everything they do or say, every conversation we have, every interaction we have. I start to convince myself that sooner or later they are just going to ditch me out of the blue.

The unfortunate truth is that is because that HAS happened to me WAY too often. It became hard not to think something was wrong with me. It took me a long time, and a final straw, to finally realize that nothing was wrong with me. To finally realize that it not the way normal human beings treat somebody. The problem was those people all along. What I should have realized is that if somebody is a true friend (or girlfriend), then they will want to see me, want to hang out with me, want to talk to me, etc.

You should never have to feel like you are forcing somebody to give you their time. If you do feel that way, then maybe they don't deserve you in the first place. That was the case with the people from my past I made the mistake of trying to hold onto when they never deserved me in the first place.

It seems that may have been the case with your gal. Either that or, Hell, giving her the benefit of the doubt.... maybe she honestly just did not have the time to have a relationship with ANYBODY right now..... but that still doesn't excuse the way she went about it. She should have just been honest if that was the case.

You found it hard to let go at first, and I can't blame you for that. But, really, if you needed a girlfriend who could commit more seriously to you, than you would have been better off just to let her go. You see that now, but sometimes that can be hard to see when you are in the situation. Hopefully you've been able to learn the lesson much more quickly that I had to learn through a lot of heartache. I would not wish my experiences on anybody, but I also wouldn't change anything I've gone through because it taught me to better appreciate myself and not accept any less from others.

Good luck to you, friend. You will be fine. In time, you will find somebody who WILL appreciate you and WILL have the proper time to commit to you and you will see why that is so much better.

[Helpme55]

Hopefully you've been able to learn the lesson much more quickly that I had to learn through a lot of heartache. I would not wish my experiences on anybody, but I also wouldn't change anything I've gone through because it taught me to better appreciate myself and not accept any less.

I totally agree with you my friend.
God bless you.
Thanks for helping me out.

[Jffs24]

I hate when people have to follow RULES and not their own heart just because that RULE works for others it might not work for all or every relationship situation -- better to just do you then follow someone else's rule son how to live your life. You did a good thing reaching out after her family member died and can leave things as they were and move on now if you want. I would have done the same as you if the ex wasn't one that I swore never to bother with again because they were a train wreck.