Why won't she have sex with me

[Ltimmjr1980]

I have been seeing this girl for about 5 months now and she won't have sex with me we was seeing each other one other time but at that time we was both in relationships with other people the first time we was seeing each other (don't judge) she would let me touch her in a sexual way and wasn't shy about showing me her body at all this time it seems like she gets mad if I even look at her in a sexual way and she says I scare her if I try to have sex with her I'm 99% sure there's not another guy but I'm at a loss of any other ideas she says she loves me and her daughter had told me she's pretty sure she cares about me too sex really is not what a relationship is all about but it's starting to make me feel like she's not attracted to me

[hazey daisy]

How can you be so sure there isn't another guy in the picture??? She had np cheating on her ex.

The only thing yo can do is talk to her about it. Only she can tell you why she refuses sex with you.

[Ltimmjr1980]

I'm so sure because she tells me every time a guy starts flirting with her and shows me the text messages and has no problem handing over her phone to me and says she wouldn't care if I did go through it

[melancholia]

If she says you scare her when you initiate sex, that's a serious red flag. She doesn't want to have sex with you for some reason, and she's completely within her rights not to. Maybe you should move on and find someone else whom you are more compatible with.

[hazey daisy]

After 5 months and she can't be truthful about why, it's time to call it quits and move on.

[Ltimmjr1980]

Where did I say she's not truthful with me

[hazey daisy]

You didn't......I said she is by my observation. I don't buy the I'm scared excuse and neither do you....that's why you are here right? You are looking for answers because she won't give them to you, right? So maybe I should reword it as "Not forthcoming", or "withholding the truth".

5 months of this stupid dance around the topic would lead me to believe she is hiding something from you. What wrong with saying "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I need time to heal from my previous relationship." If this is the case, that she is not ready, she is just using you as her emotional tampon/ friend zoned/ cuddle bitch/ BF without benefits, etc.

Basically, after 5 months of having your expectations not being fulfilled/kept in the dark so to speak, means you should part ways and move on. If she isn't ready, she isn't ready. What you are going to wait another 5 months, then she turns around and say it's over she has met someone else? Be true to yourself. If you are not getting what you need out of this, there is no point in staying.

[ajax09]

It would be better if you talk to her about this. After reading your post I don't think she is cheating on you but I can't take it so lightly when she says you scare her when you initiate sex. I think it's a serious problem that should me discussed and if this situation continues there will be problems in your relation. I think it might be because of hypoactive sexual desire and a counseling can do wonders. One of my friends had gone for sex counseling from Dr. Eliana Cohen's clinic in Toronto and she said it really helped her.

[Momma D]

Hi Ltimmjr1980's, You may have already worked this out by now, but just in case you haven't I will share my thoughts on your problem. There can be many reasons your gf doesn't want to have sex yet, the least likely is that she is with another guy. However, for a woman to say that it scares her for you to make sexual advances might be an indicator that she has been sexually abused. This is a very sensitive and frightening situation for any girl of any age. Another possibility is this is a moral issue for her. What is clear to me, is that the two of you need to develop better communication skills. After 5 months of dating both of you should feel pretty safe sharing sensitive things with each other. If not, the relationship will continue to struggle. I hope you are able to get some answers. One of my favorite quotes is: "When people show you who they are - believe them!" This woman just may be telling you something about herself without using words only actions. This could be an issue that is going to haunt her for many years to come. Consider if you are up for this in your relationship for many years.
Cheers To Love - Momma D