The aftermath of being friendzoned

[Magnolia90]

It was recently revealed to me that a girl I liked, quite liked me

I got speaking to one of her closest friends and asked whether I should ask her out on a date.
Her friend responded positively, telling me the following info: (Jägermeister is great tool to get information out of people btw)

- she's told her friend that she wants to marry me someday
- she's told her mother about me
- there had been previous nights out where she'd been too afraid to ask me out for drinks

Should have just dated her there and then, but for some reason I hung on for a bit.

Eventually, I did make an effort to join her social circle, a week ago she even invited me to her dads birthday meal. Thinking this was a good sign, I asked her friend again whether she'd arrange a date for us, but this morning I got this reply: "she said your friends. A date would be weird x"

A bit gutting. I wish I'd found this out sooner so I didn't work myself up about her. Just pondering whether I should now cut loose?

[ankit chandwani]

not giving a **** is the key my friend, girls love it when a guy have ' don't give a ****' attitude and one should never beg for love you should demand it trust me i have been there and what i m telling u is your best option

[alovetolean]

FYI, 50% of my reply is based on your first line + smiley. I got a kick out of that, well played sir.

So this chick is seems off to me. I suspect she has little understanding of her feelings, like a bull in a china shop. Marry, mom, ask you out. That's a lot to take in, especially from a regurgitated source, her friend may have interpreted it wrong don't forget! Women operate on feelings, they are not logical so take what they say with a grain of salt. Which is both good and bad. Mostly bad if you don't know how it works. Good because if you do, you'd know what she says does not mean it is written in stone! I myself think you still have a shot, what she said she did not say to you directly so it doesn't count. You can still make a move, cut out the middle lady and go after the woman you want! They love when a man goes after what he wants. But above all remember this is a journey, don't dwell on the negatives, simply learn from them and thank God you had the chance to learn something new!

[Magnolia90]

Thanks for the advice alovetolean, I'll see what happens.

A point I missed out is that she is actually my best friends cousin, so maybe this is where her reluctance to date is coming from?

Her family know me very well as I've been attending their house parties for years and years. It would definitely be weird to show up at the next one as a couple!

Despite this, I feel like her mother and dad keep trying to push us together. The invitation to her dads birthday meal was completely out of the blue, plus I remember the last time I went to a house party her mother was prying about my personal life, job, etc.

I think ever since her friend told me she wanted to marry me, she's felt quite embarrassed because she now knows that I know.

I'll keep trying. Hopefully, the next time we meet I'll have a better understanding of what she wants and doesn't want. Thanks again!

[alovetolean]

Ya, it really sounds like she operates primarily on feelings. Probably going to catch her doing things totally different from what she said, and that's okay, nothing wrong with that. Sounds like an adventure!

Did you ask her out via your friend in a text?

[Magnolia90]

Her friend was still hanging out at a bar, so I just drunkenly spluttered out I wanted to her to arrange a date for the pair of us.

What has raised alarms is last Saturday, her best friend tried to get in contact with me (she never does) asking for my whereabouts. I wasn't able to reply back until the next morning, but I found out they'd both been out together at a place I'd normally go (I had to go to a wedding instead).

Not sure how to interpret this: whether she asked her friend to text where I was, or if her friend did it to try and hook us up.

- - - Updated - - -

Back in February, I sent her a casual Valentines Day message via facebook. The following weekend I asked her out for drinks, but she was a student, so naturally broke. I should have just offered to pay for her. Doh!

[alovetolean]

Ah okay. Ya, try to skip her friend, makes things more complicated for you as you already know. Think about the future: say if you do get this lady, but to do that you had to jump through hoops and deal with her 'at-the-time' cute antics such as being shy or not sure about this/that, playing hot potato and whatever else she may or may not do. In the future do you know deep down you would be okay with that?

Good luck!