Whats considered Moving Too Fast?

[warriormaiden]

Almost two weeks ago, I was matched with a guy from an online dating site. I was feeling really restless and antsy that night, so I asked him if he could call me, not expecting anything other than a super dry conversation that would put me to sleep. 4 hours later, I hung up. The convo was amazing, and he asked me out for that Saturday, which I said yes to. Which is out of the ordinary for me. I usually don't do phone calls that quickly, usually after a couple days of texting, and I have a two week rule when it comes to meet ups and internet men.

But I thought, Hey, I get a free movie, he didn't seem homicidal, and I wasn't even expecting to see him again. But the date went extremely well. He was the perfect gentleman. There was so much just sitting and talking, and I realised that we had so much in common, from our likes, to the special way we were raised. He asked me out again for the next day. We go get pie, took a walk, shared some kisses. Totally romantic.

Fast forward to this past Friday, he picks me up for our date, tells me that we are going to the beach. Apparently he had the entire thing planned. Hotel ready and everything. We walked in Moonlight, held hands at dinner, he even asked me if we could become exclusive, he has disabled his online profile. I said Yes!

Sex, was reaaaally good too. :/ Best I have had in....well, ever.

We spent Saturday morning together, and Saturday night together. The majority of the night we just, held each other. Didn't even talk. I've never really experienced this with anyone.

Then yesterday, he seemed quite distant. He said he had gotten into a really bad argument with his dad and he was just avoiding everyone. But when I texted him Goodnight, I got nothing.
I usually wake up to a Good Morning, but, still nothing.

So now I'm sitting here, re-thinking the entire weekend, my feelings (really antsy about jumping on to the dating site to see if his profile is back up) and just feeling like I have been duped in some way, and just, once again, Girl you really know how to pick em. :/ I also feel like I am over thinking things, and maybe this is just how he deals with his feelings, because he is a very quiet and reserved man, and he'll just pop back to being his normal sweet self, maybe?

But I keep hearing my friend's voice, who basically said he was awaiting the crash and burn. That this guy was moving too fast, and that theres something wrong with him. Basically, him saying, You Pick Dysfunction, And So, This Man Is Dysfunctional.


So my question to YOU guys is, DID we move too fast? Is this the end? Just two days of bliss, and thats it? I reaaaaaally like this one this time, and I see myself putting in time with him.
Even our FEET look alike. It just feels....right.

[warriormaiden]

Its 1:33 in the afternoon and he still hasn't texted me. I haven't texted him either. I don't want to seem pushy because I sent him two texts last night, and got nothing. So I'm trying to wait for him to pick up the phone, but no chance just yet.
My brain is bouncing all over the place. I'm considering just calling him tonight and going, if this is what you do, then bye.

But that feels like overreacting.

I'm probably just overreacting.
I'm overreacting.

Damn. Damn damn damn.

[melancholia]

Try to relax. It's not pushy if you send him a text that says, "Hey, I hope your day is going well. I had fun with you this weekend and would like to see you again." There's nothing pushy or clingy about that. It's quick, cute, and to the point. He probably has an explanation for why he hasn't reached out to you, and he will most likely let you know what that reason is. If not, and he ghosts on you, then you call it a loss and move on. Be thankful you didn't waste too much time on him, and get back into the dating game.

Too many people have different ideas of an appropriate speed for relationship development. I think it's easy to get caught up in the moment of having fun meeting a new person, especially when you connect with them so well right off the bat. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you do feel like things move too quickly, then it's ok to take a step back and say, "Hey, I really enjoy your company, I think you are fantastic, but I need time to myself and to focus on my regular responsibilities". It doesn't have to be worded that way, whatever way feels natural for you, but playing these games of not reaching out to someone you like out of fear of coming across as clingy is asinine to me. If you want to talk to him, talk to him. Don't just wait for him to reach out to you. If you are met with silence, or anything remotely negative, write him off and move forward.

This should be the fun part of dating, when you are getting to know each other and you're excited. Over-analyzing this is going to ruin those feelings for you and put unnecessary pressure on you. Send him a text and go from there!

[warriormaiden]

Thanks Melancholia. I took your advice, I texted him. Usually he's very quick about responding, but an hour later, nothing. SO. Either something awful has happened, or he's just being a guy. I'm thinking he's just being a guy. And thats that, folks.

[melancholia]

Yeah, unfortunately, there are lots of guys out there who pull those moves. But it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, and I don't think it necessarily means things moved too fast. I've dated a lot over the years, I've been in long term relationships, short term relationships, and my fair share of casual, non-exclusive relationships. In my experience, it doesn't matter how quickly you sleep with someone, or how quickly your feelings develop for them. What matters, is compatibility, and meeting the right person at the right time.

[warriormaiden]

Well....I just found out he was married.
I saw his marriage license online, and a very recent FB photo of him and his wife. He told me didn't have FB.


Its just keeps getting worse and worse with these guys.

[Magnitude]

Wow, I've been there. I never understand why people do that. It's just...why? You're clearly not happy with your spouse, so just break up. Unless it's some weird psychological game for the two of you. Either way, just, why? But that's rough and nobody deserves that.

[TheEvilJester]

Up until your recent update, my thoughts basically echoed melancholia's exactly. I understand why you'd feel a little concerned, but it is too soon to necessarily feel like anything is wrong. Some people aren't as communicative. Some people aren't as big on texting. I have friends who can text with me all day and then I have friends who will send like one or two and then just disappear and never respond again. At least in the case of those folks, it isn't because they don't want to talk or don't like me or something like that.... that's just how they are when it comes to texting.

I WOULD have said that you just give him some time and see how things go. If him ignoring you begins to seem like a pretty common occurrence, then I'd say it is maybe time to move on and find somebody else.

....

Of course, that all changes if you are correct about him being married. That is pretty big deal and certainly something he should have shared with you. My gut reaction would be that he lied to you because he's married and has no intention of ending his marriage. That he willingly cheated on his wife with you (without you knowing he was married), and that he's not likely to ever actually commit to you at all. Honestly, I could be wrong. They could already be in the process of a divorce.... but then why would he have not just been honest with you about that? You shouldn't have to find out by accident.

Honestly, at this point I suggest you forget him and move on. If HE wants to reach back out to you and explain, let that he his problem. If he does, he darn well better have a damn good explanation. Frankly, though, if I were you I don't think any explanation would matter.

Good luck to you either way.