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Thread: Longing to be loved

  1. #1
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    Longing to be loved

    So yeah now when my sister left to Germany I feel lonely again. Shes been visiting only for few weeks but we been to many places and catching up with relatives.
    Im planning to return to work soon and already expect what I will see there. - Same girls that I never spoke with despite that I liked them in one or other way.

    Im really are not interested in dating, cause its the awkward part. I want skip straight to GF part. Also Im past times when I just wanted fck bitches and dont give a fck. Really now I want deeper meaning in life and relationships. Besides Im still a virgin at 27 years of age. Some people dont believe me and think I will be alone for a life. Does it increase my chances if I want to lick vagina? Just kidding.
    On a more serious note I want to fight for my life. Sometimes part of me thinking that its too late. But theres still a hope living in me. Want to change this lonely life.

    What do you guys think? Is there still a hope for me? And if yes then what would be first steps to take?
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    There is always hope. Believe me, I know how you feel more than you could imagine. I've sort of lost sight of that hope myself. Maybe I'll find it again, maybe not. Lately, I've sort of focused on just accepting it and find a way to be happy anyway. Honestly, though, I would NOT recommend that. If you want a serious relationship, then you deserve to find that, not to compromise and have to live without.

    I think the first step, really, is for you to get a better understanding of your own self. Do you want just a sex buddy? Do you want a more serious relationship? You need to know that because you can't enter into a relationship with somebody and be flip-flopping around on what it is you want. That wouldn't be fair to them, especially if they are clear with what they are looking for in a relationship. I also definitely feel you on not being a huge fan of dating.... but the thing is you are very unlikely to get into the boyfriend/girlfriend area without dating as well first.

    I'm not going to say it is impossible, but it is unlikely. You really have to and SHOULD date somebody a little bit first to get to know them better and get a better idea of whether or not you two seem compatible. If you jump too quickly into boyfriend/girlfriend territory, you run the risk of doing so with the wrong person when maybe some time dating would have showed you they were the wrong person before you even got that far. Even worse, you run the risk of getting into a relationship with the wrong person.... who is really good at hiding that they are the wrong person until you are much deeper into the relationship.

    What are your next steps? Honestly, that doesn't really matter as much as you may think. Your next steps could be any number of different paths. No two people are the same and not everybody has to walk the same path. I mean, a good exercise would be to start working on becoming more social, both with men and women, just in a friendly nature. It helps to maybe find a new hobby you enjoy, or further explore one you already enjoy. Even better if it is a social hobby somehow that you can share with other people. Do that completely without even thinking of it as an excuse to meet potential dates, do it just to have fun. You never know. An interesting gal may share your hobby and you'll meet her through that and you two will really hit it off.

    Even if not, though, learning to be more comfortable socially with just people in general in a non-dating situation will help a little bit with doing the same in a dating situation. Beyond that, though, honestly the best way to start to get better at it is through practice. In other words, talk to women, ask women out. Sometimes you will get rejected, but even that is a learning experience. You'll learn better how to handle and bounce back from that rejection. You'll learn, as best you can, not to let it bother you.

    There is always hope. You are NOT beyond hope. So, do not give up. But, more important than anything, for your own sake, learn how to be happy just through your own self. Learn how to be happy even without a relationship. That doesn't mean you shouldn't want a relationship, it's just a good relationship should merely be icing on the cake, not the whole cake itself. I know that is all easier said than done (good gravy, I know it), but don't you think you deserve that?

    Good luck.

  3. #3
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    Well thanks for reply Jester. I would usually give advice to be more social too. But yeah it dont comes so easy when all my life I been less and less social. Basicaly would have to turn my life around to follow this advice. But yeah I promised that I will try the advice given to me instead of saying something negative. So will have to try be more social.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    Oh, yeah, believe me I understand that. I'm right there with you. I'm no social butterfly myself. So, trying to go against your general nature is very difficult. It's just, unfortunately, somewhat necessary. I mean, that does NOT mean you should change who you are, though. Like, you shouldn't pretend as though you are Mr. Social. That would just come across as obviously fake.... because it would be fake. But, it is just a matter of putting yourself out there a little more, but doing so in ways that you enjoy anyway. Like, in other words, if something is a social activity.... but happens to be something you would have enjoyed anyway, that is exactly what you are looking for.

    A couple examples from my own personal experiece:

    A few years ago, I got into board games. Not talking about games like Monopoly, Life, etc. that everybody has played at some point. I'm talking more so hobbyist type games for adults, like Last Night On Earth and Zombicide (two of my group's favorites). Without anybody to play with me, I looked into starting up a gaming group. That has been going something like three or four years now, and through that I've met some great new people. Also some not so great ones as well, though. LOL! Thankfully the not so great ones usually don't stick around long. I didn't start that with the intention of meeting people per se, I just wanted to be able to play more board games.

    The other example, for me, has been the conventions I have started attending recently. Horror cons, comic cons. Again, that is a place where you'd find a lot of like-minded people. I've talked to random strangers at those events without a second thought. Again, that is a case where I didn't go to these conventions intending to meet people. I went because I enjoy them. But, as result, there are a lot of people there who enjoy the same things I do.

    I can't yet say I've personally put it to practice, but things like that are a good place to meet like-minded people, which would include like-minded women. A good place to strike up a conversation with a gal and then maybe transition that into asking her out. Those are two (super nerdy) examples from my own personal life. Those exact things may not really interest you, but find what does.

    Again, believe me, I realize that is SO much easier said than done. But, it does become easier with practice. Certainly better (and a lot more fun) than giving up. Good luck, pc!

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    Have to agree that it is necessary to go against your general nature. Cause when two introverts cant meet - in order that to happen one have to become extrovert for a moment.

    Well it makes sense to talk with strangers on convention cause you already have one common interest and its right there where you both are so it can be easy to connect.

    Recently did find out that there is actually board game group in my town. So maybe I should man up and go there. Not really interested in playing new unknown games but I do know how to play chess and monopoly so would like to play those. Besides Im pretty bad player so could lose to a girl and when girl wins the game her testosterone goes up what increases sex drive so increased chance of getting sex right there lol.

    Its funny that we both are mentioned 66 times.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    So we are. Look at that. I'm sure, though, that number will change for both of us soon enough. But, for now we have both been mentioned exactly 66 times.

    Anyway, I will say this.... if you found a board game group near you.... they are probably NOT going to be playing games like Chess or Monopoly. Most likely, they are going to be playing more involved games like the ones my group plays. If somebody has a board game group started up, it is probably because they enjoy board games as a hobby, so they are most likely not going to be playing all the standard stuff like Monopoly, Life, Clue, etc.

    So, if you are not really interested in learning and playing new games, that may not be for you. Of course, no two people, and no two gaming groups are alike. So, it could be entirely possible the gaming group you found is really more just an excuse for a social activity, in which case they may play simpler games. Doesn't hurt to reach out to the owner or one of the gamers and ask.

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    I just dont want to learn new games and stuff my head with rules. Its the reason why I still play 10 years old pc games that I learned as a teenager.
    Hey if Im new in group and I want to play monopoly then then should play it with me.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    I hear you. If it helps, though, you don't necessarily have to know the rules to the games by heart. Typically, somebody is going to be bringing games, so they are going to know the rules to the game. You can just follow along with them, usually they are willing to help when you have questions, and often times games are fairly easy to pick up once you get into them.

    It isn't like you'll be expected to read all the rule books and know the game by heart. Anyway, at least from my experience, we tend to decide as a group what we are going to play. So, sure, if other people in the group want to play Monopoly then they'll be happy to play that with you. Again, though, if they are board gaming hobbyists, they probably aren't going to be interested in things like Monopoly. If you really are set on only playing games like that, you should definitely reach out to somebody from the group first to make sure whether or not they would be likely to play stuff that would interest you. If they aren't playing games that interest you, then that isn't the gaming group for you.

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    I know theres a chess club in my town too just everyone plays so well there that its not fun. Last time 5 year old won me, I was like 13 back then.

    New games seems stressful, I prefer something Im comfortable with. Would have to man up to go play board games.

    However Im chatting up a girl on dating site now and I seen her in real life 2 years ago but she had BF back new. However now shes single and we talking about meeting. I gave her 3 options where to meet but she wasnt up to them and I gave up and now she says she didnt say she dont want to meet. Seems like shes playing games and I said I wont run after her, if she wanted to meet she would suggest something. So will see what she responds.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    Yeah, I definitely understand how you feel. Playing a game isn't about winning or losing, it is just important you have fun.... but when you feel like you are always losing that does kind of cease to be fun. I've never been a huge fan of chess myself. I'm more into themed games like the ones my group plays. Zombies, monsters, horror, and all sorts of very heavily themed board games.

    Sounds like a good start that you have been talking to the gal you mentioned. I mean, heck, even if it never moves forward with her, that is at least good experience for you. I do definitely agree with your approach after she rejected your ideas, though. Yeah, maybe she only shot them down because she actually just wasn't into those ideas.... but then at this point it is up to her to come up with another suggestion. You've tried.... three times.... to come up with something to do and she didn't like any of them. So, yeah, it would be hard not to start to feel like she's just intentionally shooting them down.

    If she legitimately wants to get together with you, at this point let her come up with suggestions, then. If it turns out she seems to have no actual interest, then just move on. Don't waste your time on somebody you practically have to chase down.

    Good luck again!

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    Thanks Jester. It happens she was out of town and still is. But she agreed to meet. In general. Still have no precise plan where and when. We been chatting for 2 days now - on FB. However I dont like that shes still online on dating site for whole day. I visit it only 2 times a day to reply new messages from other chick but Im not interested in her. However, Im lucky that girl with you Im chatting on FB replied me on dating site cause she replies seldom - most girls there replies selectively to guys. But yeah again as she said most guys just want sex.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

  12. #12
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    Update. Still chatting with the girl. Shes not online on dating site anymore. But noticed another problem - her mind is somewhere else. When we started to chat she showed a lot of pictures from her job - shes a chef, so she showed food pics what she was cooking at the time. But still she responded imediatly, then when she got into town(the same town I live too) first thing she did was meeting her friend that are girl. Then she spoke with her mom on the phone for hour. So yeah her mind seems to focused at work and close people nearby. Really dont seems like she thinks about guys much, shes been alone for 2 years now and learned to be single. Besides all that she says she wants a stronger husband in character than her, who would put her in her place.

    I would like to go on a date with this girl despite that longterm relationship seems impossible since we both want diferent things. She wants marriage and kids, I dont. I use word tits but she says only cows have tits and girls have breasts. I tried to come up with a sweet word for her like Sugar or BunnyFace(and I tried many more words), but she says she likes her first name. Then I said maybe I should straight up call her bitch but she said she faster would start to call me a bitch.
    Also I asked her 20 questions to make girl wet, but she replied with pauses like she does last days and said she wont get wet. And yeah seems like I didnt turned her on.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    I mean, to be honest with you, it sounds to me from a lot of what you describe that you two likely wouldn't be a good match anyway. You never do know. Sometimes life surprises you and opposites attract. So, if both you and her sincerely do want to give it a shot, then best of luck to you.

    But, honestly, if you were to ask me, I would say probably better for you to move on anyway. Pretty much everything you describe about you two being different would make me think that.... but I think the most glaring issue is that she wants marriage and children and you did not. That is most certainly NOT a minor little difference. That is a case where I don't see how that could ever work long term unless one of you changed your mind OF YOUR OWN ACCORD. In other words, not changed your mind FOR the other person (because that so rarely lasts), but changed your mind regardless of the other person.

    So, honestly, it may just be your best bet to move on anyway. I'd say the only reason to proceed would be if you both are well aware of the fact that it probably won't be a long term thing, but you are both okay with that for right now. Sometimes people do just want somebody with whom they can have some fun for a while and then eventually move on, no strings attached. So, if you happen to both be interested in that, I'd say go for it.

    Though, again, you have to do what feels right for you as she does for her. So, if you both want to give it a shot regardless, then do what works for you. Good luck to you either way.

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    You are right. And Im not willing to go all the way with her right now, but shorter therm relationship - I want that to happen. Been talking about oral sex today and she begged me to say her my fantazies. She said shes good at oral and I wont complain if it would go so far.
    Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

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    Yeah, then I'd say as long as you are both clear about what you want, I don't see why you shouldn't enjoy it for what it is right now. You just need to both be clear with each other than this isn't necessarily a long term thing and you just have to see how things go. You never know what could happen down the road, but if you are at least both clear in what this is to you, then you both have the same understanding and can decide either to proceed or pump the breaks.


    Once again, good luck to you, pc.

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