In need of an advice

[The_Lost_One]

So like my story begins with a girl which dated a guy 5 years.She had a boyfriend and my relationship with her were just friendship.In the end they broke up because he cheated on her and we started dating.We date with her for 1 year already but i do understand that its hard for her to forget about her first love which she had for 5 years.This summer she gone on vacation to her homeland for 2 month we keeped each other in touch by calling each other and webcaming.
Last week she told me she met her ex and they slept with each other since she still had feelings for him.I asked her what happened that time and she told me that she asked him if the cheating thing which people was talking about him was true and he told her that it wasnt just once.So after that she have no faith in males or in love.
I decided to forgive her but she said that she cant forgive herself and its really hard for her.So in the end i told her that we should decide about our relationship once she comes back.
The problem is i told her that i forgived her but those few days i cant help but think about all this situation so its hard for me to call her or something.
In need of advice if some1 who understands what i feel right now or had similar situation reading this then im asking for your help

[hazey daisy]

How you are feeling? it's reality smacking you in the face. She is emotionally unavailable, because she still loves her ex despite the infidelity. You are just a rebound/stepping stone while she heals from her last relationship. She's a hot mess. She got burned twice by this guy.....the first time wasn't her fault, the second time was. This should give you an indication of the level of your value to her....she willfully had sex with her ex. You are wasting your time by forgiving her....she isn't that into you, she is emotionally using you because she can't stand being alone. Them getting together was no accident....it was planned. I bet money on it they have been in contact with each other before this happened.

[TheEvilJester]

As much as I wish I could be more optimistic, I do have to agree with hazey. YES, mistakes can happen.... but this sort of thing is so rarely a mistake. He hurt her deeply..... TWICE.... and she still went running back to him at the first chance she got. Don't get me wrong.... it certainly COULD just be a one time mistake and maybe she could truly love you and would never be unfaithful to you again......

But in situations like this, that is the much rarer ending to the story. More likely than not, this is a pretty good sign that you were just a rebound for her. I will say this.... I think chances are she didn't REALIZE you were just a rebound for her. I think, most likely, she probably sincerely thought she was in love. When you get hurt so deeply the way he hurt her, sometimes you aren't operating at your best. Here you were, this great guy who has been a positive in her life already... and who is there for her in her time of need. It can be easy to slip into thinking that means she is in love.

I wish you had been able to come to us for advice BEFORE you two got together. My advice then would have been not to give up on her.... but to give her some time to get over her past relationship FIRST so you make sure she is sincerely interested in you, and not just looking for a band-aid for her heart (whether she realized it or not).

For now, I think my personal advice would be to move on. I would say something to her basically saying that you understand what she is going through, and you do care for her a great deal..... but you think this is a sign that she is obviously not over her ex, and needs time to deal with her feelings. That, is she does that and still finds she wants to go out with you... she should reach out to you then, but not before. That you know she'd never do this intentionally, but that you are not looking to be somebody's rebound, but are looking for something real. Wish her the best, and move on.

In time, maybe she WOULD get over him for good and maybe she would still be interested in you. If she does, and fate sees to it that you are still single at the time, then maybe you consider giving it a shot. I would just say, don't wait around for something that may never be. Instead, go out and look for other women. If fate wants to bring you two back together, then so be it, but don't try to force it.

Again, though, you have to do what feels right for you. Good luck to you either way.

[The_Lost_One]

Thank you for finding time to read my post and giving an advice. I taked with her recently and she asked me if its possible to love two people at once.So basically she asked me if its possible to date me once she comes back to Russia and meet up with him when she goes to her homeland. I said no since i dont even want to think about sharing her with anyone and told her to choose and she told me she needs more time.

- - - Updated - - -

Also i talked with my female friend and she told me that i need more time for her so its best for me not to talk with her right now unless she talks with me herself.Is it good thing for me or not? Considering we're apart right now and her ex is in same town as she is

[pcmaster]

Good for you man. Seems like you are doing the right thing.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, like I said before, I don't really think you should be offering her a choice at all. How is that fair to you? You tell her she has to choose, so what... you have to just wait around putting your life on hold while she takes some time to decide what she wants? That is not fair to you at all. So, my personally, I don't think you should give her that option.

Like I said before, I think you should just end it for now.... but not necessarily close the door completely. I say, in your own mind, you move on, forget her for now and look for love elsewhere. However, if you want you can certainly tell her that she can feel free to reach out to you again down the road if she ever does figure out what she wants. You can leave the window open for that possibility....

I just wouldn't recommend you sit by that window waiting for it to happen. Don't waste a moment of your life waiting for somebody who may never come back around. For all you know, maybe by doing so you'd be missing your real match. In the end, if you two are meant to be, then fate will find a way to bring you together. If you are not, then you'd be wasting your time waiting. But again... that's my take on the matter. I would understand if that doesn't work for you, but that would be my advice.

Good luck to you.