Always feel nervous in a relationship how to stop feeling this way?

[Terry94]

As the title says I always feel nervous and have a sick feeling in my stomach when I'm in a relationship. I struggle to eat and sleep. How can I stop feeling this way? I mean my current girlfriend is head over hills for me, she chashed me for months before we got together so I know she wouldn't cheat or anything.

[pcmaster]

What helps to sleep is sleeping pills for me. With eating its a bit trickier but if you plan your meals ahead and prepare them ahead then it should be easy too.

[TheEvilJester]

Have you had bad relationships in the past? If so, it is understandable that you have some trust issues... but at the same time, for your own sake as well as hers, you have to deal with that. If nothing else, don't you think you deserve to be loved and to be happy? How can you ever do that if you can never trust your own happiness?

Believe me, though, I know that is so much easier said than done. I can't necessarily agree with the idea of self-medicating. In fact, my advice if this problem is bad enough for you would be to seek professional help. I know people tend to shy away from that, especially us guys. But, DO NOT buy into the bull crap stigma it gets. It is NOT a sign of weakness to admit when you need help, or to accept that help when you do.

There may be therapists near you who could help you to deal with your issues so you can allow yourself to relax and just be happy. I'm sure you'd eventually get there on your own, but why suffer longer than you have to if somebody can help you to learn how to get through this? Good luck to you.

[Terry94]

Have you had bad relationships in the past? If so, it is understandable that you have some trust issues... but at the same time, for your own sake as well as hers, you have to deal with that. If nothing else, don't you think you deserve to be loved and to be happy? How can you ever do that if you can never trust your own happiness?

Believe me, though, I know that is so much easier said than done. I can't necessarily agree with the idea of self-medicating. In fact, my advice if this problem is bad enough for you would be to seek professional help. I know people tend to shy away from that, especially us guys. But, DO NOT buy into the bull crap stigma it gets. It is NOT a sign of weakness to admit when you need help, or to accept that help when you do.

There may be therapists near you who could help you to deal with your issues so you can allow yourself to relax and just be happy. I'm sure you'd eventually get there on your own, but why suffer longer than you have to if somebody can help you to learn how to get through this? Good luck to you.

I have had bad experiences before. I've had women tell me they love me and want to be with me forever to then either cheat or dump me. I actually puked this morning because I was so nervous. Turns out actually that me and her may break up we met my parents earlier and since then she has been really different we usually text and send each other loads and loads of kisses about 20 now she is only sending 2 or 3 and sending a text that is hard to reply too. We were also meant to meet tomorrow but she has said she cant do it now. What do I do? We have been together for 2 days!!

[TheEvilJester]

Based on what you have gone through, it is no surprise you have such issues trusting your own happiness. The thing is, please don't let a few bad people ruin that chance for you. Right now, you've let those a-holes from your past effect you so much that you can't even enjoy a good thing if/when you have it. Is your girlfriend a good thing? I don't know. For all I know she could be an angel straight from Heaven, or she could be the spawn of Satan himself. I don't know her from a hole in the ground.

But..... the thing is, you may never know the difference either if you can't stop letting this self-doubt drive your life. Please believe me, I do not mean to over-simplify it like it really is just as simple to do as it is to say. God, I'm living proof that it is a life-long struggle for guys like us. It's just, if you don't find whatever way works for you to deal with it and get over it, this same pattern will just keep repeating. You will just keep:

A) Letting bad people into your life only to get hurt.... AND/OR....
B) Letting good people into your life, but be unable to trust them because of all your past hurt.... so eventually they won't be around for long either.

You deserve to be happy. Right now, you are letting your own mistrust and paranoia ruin your chance at happiness. ....And here's the thing. That is NOT your fault. That is the fault of those worthless pieces of crap who treated you so poorly in the past. BUT.... the solution isn't going to come from them. Nor is it going to come from somebody else proving you can trust THEM. Not if you're trust has already been hurt as much as it sounds like it has. The solution is going to come from within.... from YOU. You CAN do it. Believe me, you can. What's more, you deserve to do it. So, please, whatever you can do to help yourself.... take that chance. Even if it is getting professional help.