Emotionally unavailable

[Matjan]

So I am the fortunate guy who found my soulmate. We connect on so many levels its famtastic, amazing, wonderful! But is as much painful. See she is in a marriage that she is very unhappy with. There are 2 fantastic boys. We are soooo great together.. until we are alone.. she runs from me whenever we get close, intimate close. Then she tells me that I make her spin, and to avoid it, she stops talking to me .. for days. No calls, no chat... nothing.
She is a career woman, with tons of projects on her plate, deals with her Mom that still suffers their loss of her Dad 10 months ago. She deals with her husband, she stresses all the time about everything. She keeps herself so busy running from everything it becomes near impossible to get any of her time.
We chatted and spoke for about 2 wks recently, everything was awesome. Then she stopped over to my apartment for a visit.. no expectations.. but we kissed, We hugged, I whispered in her ear in Italian (she loves the language, so Im learning it). Then, she practically sprinted out the door, "I need to go before I get in trouble", then as I followed her out, "This was a terrible idea"... then nothing for 4 days, other than, Im overwhelmed. This is a circular pattern.. every month or so it happens...
All I do is try to sit, be patient and supportive of everything that is going in. But it hurts... to be dismissed so easily.. makes me wonder if there is hope ir if I am delusional in our love...just dont know. She compartmentalizes so much and rarely explains anything... we are so much more than what I have written... but in the overall...Im just lost...

[melancholia]

I think you need to put a hold on this until she deals with her husband and marriage. It sounds like she is frustrated with her marriage, so she reaches out to you, but she knows she would regret it if she were take it any further than you have. I think you need to leave her alone and allow her the space and time she needs to figure out what she wants.

[Matjan]

You're not the first tell me this. I try, but she returns after a few days and I cant not respond.. I know how it feels and I want to be there for her... rock...meet hard place.

- - - Updated - - -

And thank you!

[melancholia]

Well, you are making the choice to respond to her, you are not obligated to do that. You're making this more difficult for yourself than necessary. If you're OK with the current situation and you can accept the fact that she is using you merely as a distraction from her sh!tty marriage, then that's fine. You make your bed, so you have to lie in it. But if you're not OK with the way the relationship is heading, then you need to demand more for yourself. She isn't treating you the way a loving, respectful partner would. She is using you as an emotional and physical crutch when she gets bored with her husband. Men are not immune to feelings, and yours are equally as important as hers. If you want an actual relationship with her, you need to start talking to her about what your needs and expectations are. Then you can leave it up to her to decide whether or not she wants to meet those expectations.

[Khaljessi]

You have to give her space. I mean it, go no contact for a month or so. She's drowning in stress and can't handle a relationship on top of it. The more you pursue her right now the more she'll push back, as you can see.
Let her miss you. Let her come to you.

[hazey daisy]

I hate to say this but all you are is a rebound/escape/emotional tampon, to her. She gets her emotional fix, then she runs because she feels guilty for doing it....kind of like someone with an eating problem...hiding food, going to the hiding place to eat, feels euphoric, then gets over whelmed with guilt knowing what they are doing is wrong. She will never leave her husband, and you need to cut her off because this will go nowhere.