Flirting but then suddenly he's involved

[Simone9899]

Hi,

I am a 36 year old female. I am married but the marriage is not working out and we are heading for a divorce.

For the last month I have been chatting through an office chat system with a co-worker. I've known him for a long time but about a month ago I started noticing him differently.

For at least a full week he was definitely flirting with me. He would says things like 'you walk loudly' (as a joke) and I would reply 'I don't walk loudly but you are just listening hyper sensitively if I'm coming your way'. He would reply with a shy smiley saying that was actually true.
He would also act very clumsy around me and say he doesn't know how to behave himself when near me.

We chatted all day long even about some very personal topics. After a week we exchanged phone numbers and we sent some messages through whatsapp. He always replied within minutes of me sending something.

The first week maybe 2 it was a very mutual flirt. After that it seemed he maybe took a step back a little bit, but still flirting.

What I said above is flirting right? Or am I mistaken? When talking about me and my pending divorce he also said that I needed a man to lead me in my life. The days and weeks after he would keep hinting that he was that kind of man.

He also gave me a ride to work 2 times in his car. Even though he didn't have to.

He caught me staring at him last week and called me on it. I asked him if this bothered him and he said he would tell me if it did (so it apparently didn't).

I hinted on dating but he never really replied or set a date.

Yesterday morning I subtly let him know where I was going to be saturday night. I asked him if he had plans and he said he was going out to drink beers.

I asked him when he was going to drink a beer with me but he never responded. So I thought that was it. He was not interested.

But then, last night, he showed up (with a friend) at where I was spending my evening. This can hardly be a coincidence can it? It was a casino. There is only one in my (large) city so there was no way he could have avoided seeing me.

We had a great night and I stood really close to him, he didn't pull back.


He went home with his friend (they drove together) and I went home seperatly. I then (felt brave) texted him if he wanted a good-night drink.

He replied that that would not be wise. I pushed and pushed (which I am now very ashmed of) and finally asked him: 'If I were single, would you go out on a date with him"

He then replied that I'm a very sweet girl but 1. He has someone in his live he cares about 2. he doesn't shit where he eats (meaning he doesn t date at work).

I was just shocked. I was convinced he was single. We talked about me being single again soon and how I really looked forward too it. And he said things like 'its not fun to be alone at christmas' . I was fishing for info on his relationship status for many times, but he never said "i'm taken".


Now I 'm just very confused:

1. Did he flirt with me or was I just imagining things?

2. Was it just a coincidence that he showed up last night? (I think not)

3. If it was not a coincidence; why did he come If he already knew he wasn't going to follow through?

4. Does he have a girlfriend or is he just blowing me off?

5. Did he maybe meet someone 2 weeks ago when he suddenly cooled off a bit.


I can accept it if he really is in a relationship and will of course leave him alone now. We work together so it cannot get any more ackward than it already is.

But I just have this feeling that there is more to this. I really felt we connected at a deeper level.

Did I imagine everything? Or does he like me back but doesn't want to do anything because he is involved or because he thinks he might be causing me to get divorce and doesn't want that to be his fault?

Please advice me because Iḿ going nuts.

This morning I texted him apologizing for my texts and said it wont happen again. Also said I really had no clue he was involved.

[hazey daisy]

TBH I feel he really likes you but is on the fence about it for whatever reason.

No point in dwelling on it, just move on.

[Simone9899]

Hi guys,

I need your advice again so I'm just updating my topic in the hope that someone will reply :-)

I stopped texting and chatting with him at work. He didn't initiate any contact so it seemed pretty obvious I was the one doing all the contacting.

But I noticed he kept looking / glancing at me during the work day. Sometimes we had eye contact and smiled at each other. Made me wonder....

Then I went to work in my new dress, which is a different outfit from what I usually wear but it was a very suitable for work dress.

I saw him that morning at the coffee station and he immediately said 'you look sexy again today'. Which of course made my day. I'm assuming this is not something you say to a co-worker when you don't mean to flirt with them.
At least I would never say such a thing at work to anybody.

We took a couple of smoke breaks together that day and starting using the office chat again all day. Then after work I was sending him some messages on whatsapp and he continued to reply within 5 - 20 minutes untill I went to bed at 11pm.

Men don't whatsapp with girls they don't like do they?

So what should I take from all of this. Obviously I have feelings for this guy.

I thought he was feeling the same thing because he was flirting with my and showed up at the casino that night.

But then he said he had someone else in his life that he cared about and that was it for me. Although I am still wondering if there really is such a person, because he won't share her name and everybody at the office thinks he is single.

And now the flirting has started again and he called me sexy.

Should I take this as a sign or is he just a jerk who likes it when he gets all of this attention?

[Markdg61]

Hi Simone, on a man's point of view, some men flirt to attract attention to themselves. Kind of of like an ego boost. That raises his self a steam up a couple of notches. It sounds like he is very insecure. He's probably flirting with other women and maybe you should back off a little.