Hello cloud. I'm hurting

[S0NofHAM]

I'm a wandering, hurting soul who found this place. Been crying basically everyday the last three weeks because of a breakup, and having a hard time making sense of life. Hopefully this place helps. Nice to meet y'all, and good luck in your endeavors, too

[AdminOnline]

Welcome to Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion. Enjoy your stay here...

[orlandodave]

Hey....what happened ?

[S0NofHAM]

Long story short, I fell deeply in love with a girl, and she told me that she loved me, but apparently not that much. She didn't care when I sprained my ankle. She didn't care when I was alone and crying in my apartment, asking her to come see me. Since we broke up, I've cried about 100x in the last 4 weeks, and last I spoke to her--a week ago--she said she hasn't cried once since our break up. It's been hard to get her out of my mind... her face keeps popping up in my head. I've rationalized our relationship so much, and I seemed to have finally convinced myself that she doesn't deserve me anyways and that we weren't a good match. Indeed, when I was with her, she was always emotionally distant from me. So, it was hard letting her go, and I haven't let her go 100% yet, but it's pretty close. It's hard to stop holding onto someone that you love. I was even suicidal a week or two ago, but those feelings have passed, and I'm doing better, learning to love and like myself and to be okay with being alone, but I'm not 100% there yet, and I still think about her (although I haven't cried in 2 days, thank god), but I'm really close to moving on with my life now.

This break up was *extremely* hard; I cannot even put into words how hard this has been on me. I've loved five girls in my life, and the first and the last were the hardest to let go of. A week ago, I had this analogy in my head:

Imagine westward US expansion, with horse and carriages. There was a fork in the road, and I went my way with my carriage, and she went hers. I kept screaming to her to not leave me, but she kept riding on. Then, I went off my trail, and off-roaded it in my horse and carriage, and kept screaming to her and professing my love to her, and telling her that I wanted to marry her and have kids with her and grow old together, but she didn't even look back, and she just kept on riding off.

I would recount our love story, but it's too painful and I don't want to break my 2 day streak without crying.

edit: anyways, I'm doing better, and I got some advice, and I'm healing and moving forward

[29lee]

hi i'm a new member here.. it was nice to meet you.. and hope you totally moved on.. gud luck..

[Enifex]

You are welcome

[caterina]

hey,
Moving on can be really hard, especially when you can't understand why what happened happened, or if you are wondering why she isn't hurting this much. My advice would be to let yourself feel that for a little bit, don't shame yourself for "grieving" the connection you just lost, but to focus on you. Let yourself take your path, as well as her herown, and don't let yourself put too much energy into reliving the memories in your mind or wishing things were different. It doesn't always make sense why we get hurt, or why things turn out the way that they do when we never expected them to turn out this way, but keep your head up and remember that the people that hurt you are put into your path for a reason. Heal. Cry. Let this life happen. I assure you there are better people out there. best of luck