Should I let him approach me?

[Mira2232]

I had a very beautiful relationship earlier this year, he was my first love and it was going perfect. A couple of months into it he left me. I don't wanna talk about this but lets just say that this breakup was by far the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me. And lets say am very thankful for everything I have learned.

I spent 6 long months trying to heal, gave myself as much love and care as it needed and boy I can't feel better than I do right now. I'm all happy and content. I have dozens of amazing loving friends and I enjoy my own company much more than i ever did. Lets just say that this breakup with a kick start for me to get to know myself better and to love it like i never did before.

Recently I met this guy, hmmm what can I say .. he is smart, so damn smart, with the kind of intelligence that breaks hearts. He is so decent and such a classy gentleman. I keep learning and growing every time he talks about anything. He is great and I had a HUGE crush on him yet it didn't seem like he noticed me much so I decided to just let it go.

Then one day we ran into each other at the mall and had a short lovely chat. Ever since he has been trying to gently approach me. And I have never felt more flattered.

The problem is, I am so scared! ! I'm even scared of getting to know him. I kinda built myself a different life after that breakup and I feel very happy where I am. I don't want to get into a relationship again and I feel like I still have so much to learn and do on my own. Am not ready for this. And I don't know if I will be anytime soon. Yet I really like this guy, he is so impressive and his intelligence and kindess are very heartwarming. I don't even think i liked the first one that much.

Don't know what to do, should I pull him closer or push him away. I really don't know.

[hazey daisy]

Go for it! You worked so hard to get yourself back to life...you are in a good place now, it's time to welcome a new love.

[TheEvilJester]

Let me start off with this. You are awesome! I know exactly what you mean. I grew up with a life long process of basically hating myself. You ever hear of that thing called a self-esteem? Yeah.... I discovered that... like last year. LOL!

My story sounds very similar to yours. It was actually getting out of a terrible relationship that made me realize how much better I deserved. Better than the woman I'd thought was right for me.... but better, also, than I had treated my own self. It took a few years after that, but I've become a new man. I care about me for basically the first time ever.....

But, as result, I too have felt in a similar limbo. Wanting love, but not convinced I'll ever find it and not even sure I want to allow somebody even the CHANCE to do that to me again.

You seem to be right there with me. But, the thing is, don't you think you deserve love? Is it still something you want? Believe me, I understand if you are reluctant to jump back into that pool after all you've overcome.... but think of it this way. Now you are SO much better equipped to try again. Why? Because now you love YOU. So, now you are better equipped to realize that you are enough for you. You don't NEED somebody.... but that doesn't mean it is wrong to still WANT somebody. Honestly, there is no better time to try to find love.

Not that it wouldn't still suck if you try and it doesn't work out.... but at least it will make it easier to get over because you have met an awesome person who will always be there for you.... YOU.

I mean, if you honest to God just feel you are not yet ready for a relationship, then maybe don't rush into anything. BUT.... you say that you really like this guy. Don't let an opportunity like that slip away. Heck, if you give it a shot and find in doing so that you are just not ready, you can always break things off at that point. I mean, you shouldn't go into it thinking you are just going to try for a bit and then break it off, but at least know that you have the option if you start to think it was a mistake to jump back into the dating pool just yet.

Believe me, I know it is so much easier said than done. You finally feel happy just within yourself, and it can be hard to want to risk that. Believe me, I know. But, sometimes the best things in life are the ones that seem the most intimidating at first glance. It may be terribly anxiety inducing thinking about letting love into your heart again.... but what if it winds up working out this time? Imagine how much happier you will be having found this new inner-peace..... finally loving YOURSELF.... but then also having love in your life as well.

Good luck to you. I wish you the best!