My bf is not over his ex

[Lostmary]

He was recently in hospital and was very sick. He opened up and admitted to missing hi ex.

He said at Times he feels he needs to.go to counselling.about.this. we're together for nearly two years and I.dont know whst to do, as I love him. He said when he's ill.he thinks of her.

I FIND myself comparing myself to her, and feel pretty rejeted and low. Help! What do I do?

[S0NofHAM]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. I would talk it out with him in a long conversation if I were you.

Maybe since he's very ill, he misses the people in his past that he feels that he wronged in some way. Maybe he just wants closure. Him saying he misses his ex doesn't mean that he loves her more than you. It just means he misses her.

It just makes him human. I don't think you should doubt his loyalty. If he were in the hospital in the future, and he was very ill, and told his future gf/wife that he misses you, wouldn't you feel appreciative? It's possible that he misses her because he feels like he is incredibly ill and is having some sort of death bed moment.

I don't think that we can make a determination based on the amount of information that you provided. If I were you, I would just:

1. accept what he said, without putting words into his mouth (i.e. if he says he misses her, that does not mean that he loves her more than you or that he even loves her at all).
2. Have an open conversation with him, be polite, and try to allow him to talk and open up without him feeling like he's being judged. Find out what he meant by what he said, and be slow to anger or judgment, and give him a chance to explain himself.

[Lostmary]

He talks about her an awful lot though.. I'm not imagining it. He cried when saying he missed her a few times. She to him is the one that got away.

I often wonder if I'm his rebound. He cares about me, but admits to not being as open with me as he was with her. He says he's colder since their break up, that she broke his heart, but cries when he talks about her.

This to me seems like he might still be in love with her.

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Also, I'm in love with him and don't want to break up so I hope there's no future wife

[Monnieloves]

I’m so sorry that you are going through feelings of rejection. My heart goes out to you for dating someone who may not be emotionally ready to handle the relationship right now. I’ve had breakups in my lifetime…Some were worse than others. The breakups that hurt more took more time to move on. I started another relationship before I was emotionally ready – that was a disaster. I didn’t mean to hurt the innocent person who loved me. I honestly thought I was ready to move on. I realized later that ‘hurt people hurt people. It failed to resolve all the issues that follow a love lost before I could give myself in a way the new relationship deserved. Have the both of you considered discussing this with a trusted friend, counselor, or local pastor? I hope your relationship works out.