What is acceptable age difference?

[Stlrgurl]

I'm wondering what everyone thinks is an acceptable age difference in a relationship. My family says they will disown me if I continue a relationship with a man 16years younger than me. We are both adults as I am 37 and he is 21. We just click. I am completely in love with him and can't imagine him not being in my life. I know what love is as I was in a relationship/marriage for 20 years before I fell out of love with him. I did not meet my new guy until after so he is not the reason I fell out of love with my ex in case you wondered. We just simply grew apart. I just want to know what is considered acceptable age difference to everyone.

[dontaskme]

I would say 21 is too young especially for a guy since women tend to mature earlier than men plus research has shown that the brain isn't fully developed yet until the age of 25, which means that your "young boy" has a lot of growing up to do.

Save yourself the headache and heart ache in the future by finding someone closer to your age.

[Stlrgurl]

We have been together for a year though and although he is younger and still has some growing up to do the love is there for sure.

[pcmaster]

1-2 years is okay age diference but even that age diference have had bring problems to me when I was 23 but girl was 21 so I prefer girls exactly my age. 27 now and girl I like is 27 too and it seems going best than ever with any other girl.

[breathe123]

Why would your family disown you, you both are adults, how does this affect them are they embarrassed by the age difference?

[TheEvilJester]

It's not that it CAN'T work. It certainly can. That is a big age difference, though. To be perfectly honest, though, it's not really the number that matters. To me personally, what makes the difference is the STAGE in life. For example, when you are 41 and 25.... that might not seem AS big a difference because by then people TEND to be essentially adults. (Though, Hell, some people still aren't.... in fact some NEVER are. LOL!)

However, at 37 and 21, you are at such different stages of life. People at 21 still tend to be fairly young emotionally. They are technically adults, but you're not REALLY an adult at that age. You still have some growing up to do. Often times, oyu are just getting started in your career and just figuring life out. So, me personally, I wouldn't rush anything if I were in your situation. If it turns out you two are a great match, then you'll be a great match tomorrow, next week, next year, in three years, etc.

But, again, that is me. You have to do what is right for you. Your family should want you to be happy. They can certainly have concerns for you, but a true family shouldn't be threatening to "disown" you for following your heart. They can have concerns, and I can certainly understand them in this case, but they shouldn't be trying to force you to live your life the way they see fit. I do agree with their concerns, but that doesn't mean if I were them I'd disown you if you went through with it. I would still hope for your sake that I would turn out to be concerned over nothing.

Good luck to you either way.

[S0NofHAM]

Your family said they'd disown you for loving the wrong person? WTF? Someone needs to explain to your family what love is, and give them a firm glove-slap, and demand that they retract that comment and apologize, because it is unwarranted and unloving to say.

Furthermore, if you love him, and he loves you, then neither of you should be embarrassed or care about the age difference. I'm white and I've dated two latinas in the last 4.5 years, and I wasn't ashamed one bit for being in interracial relationships, and if anyone wanted to judge me or criticize me for it (and no one did), then I wouldn't care, and I'd probably tell them to **** off. So too, you should tell anyone that judges you and your partner to **** off as well.

----
Love is like being inside of a secret room that no one knows about: no one can answer a question of love except the person who is actually in love.
----

I'm 30, and I've mostly been with women who were 1-3 years younger than me, and I found that to be a good match. However, every match is different and the love between any two people is different for everyone (for instance, the love I had for each of my exes *always* felt different and special in its own way).

Many, many, many times in the male-dominated history of this world, older men have had arranged marriages with women or adolescents much younger than them. Furthermore, like you said, love can happen and be real despite the age difference of 16 years. Frankly, I think you're winning in some regard: you landed a 21 year old! While I'm not sure a 21 would be mature enough for me (maybe she would be), I would be happy to land a 21 year old because I could suck from that fountain of youth and it'd be pretty fun.

With that said, you should be realistic about how viable your relationship is. You've been in the relationship for a year, so that's a good sign, but how long will it last? If forever, then that's great, and you're good! If he's going to dump you after he's had his fill, well, then that would really suck and you'd be left heartbroken, and some heartbreaks can be very, very, very painful. So if I were you, I'd sit him down and have a talk about your expectations and intentions in the relationship (I think everyone should do this, and it would help any relationship). Basically ask him what his intentions are, where he sees himself in five years, if he's committed to you and if he could see himself married to you one day (you could say that not now or anytime soon of course). I would ask him what his expectations are in a relationship, so that way you can make sure that you are okay with them and can satisfy them. If I were you, I'd tell him my expectations in the relationship, so that way you're on the same page, and it won't lead to a nasty break up down the road once he realizes you are not compatible because of differing expectations. Does he want kids? Do you want kids? Does he care that you're older? Do you care? I'd say get everything out on the table in the open, so there's no curve ball down the road that affects the relationship.

In the end, all that matters is love. If you really love him, and he really loves you, then you can work through anything, and you're golden!

[JimBo90]

Who cares what your parents think. That's so rude of them to threaten to disown you, how dare they try to control who their ADULT offspring loves. At 21, you are an adult.

I personally don't have experience with that big an age gap. But my girlfriend is 7 years older than me and her and I are perfect. We have the same level of maturity. Age is only a stupid number.

[libralove]

My parents are 12 years apart and still married 25 years later. It's not as much of an age difference, but it's large. I personally believe that experiences are oftentimes what determine your maturity, not your age.

He is young, that's for sure. But how he is mentally is what matters. I believe he probably loves you. How emotionally mature is he? Does he relate to his age group? What were his past relationships like, etc.?

[PDN777]

There are several kinds of age: physical, emotional, spiritual. You may be years apart in physical age, but be very close in the other types. If you feel the connection; if you feel intimacy; if you feel like your relating needs and wants are being fulfilled, go for it! For more, see my website: https://exquisiteattentioncoaching.wordpress.com/. Best of luck! --PDN

[Overanalytical]

It really depends. In terms of an acceptable age difference, as long as both parties are of legal age it is acceptable in my mind, the problem is with how well it can work with such a large age gap. That depends on emotional maturity, stage of life, general compatibility etc. 21 is quite young, especially for a guy, and even if he is mature he will probably still change a lot and you may grow away from each other as he figures out his 'adult' identity. But can it work? of course, and if you go in with your eyes open, and you love each other then it probably has a good chance. Besides, what relationship is certain to work out anyway?

[melancholia]

I don't have an issue with any age difference, as long as both parties are of legal age to consent. I subscribed to a women-only forum and there were 14-17 year olds talking about their relationships with men 20+... I think it's wrong for someone to engage in sexual acts with anyone under age. However, once people are both adults, you are free to do whatever (and whomever) you want. I do think there can be a big difference in life experience between 21 and 37, but if you two are happy together, then who are any of us to say otherwise?