Confused about how to handle a busy girl

[confusedrunner]

So over the last couple weeks, I have started to become interest in a girl who says she is always busy.

We are both in premed students at an Ivy League school, on the track team and she also participates in music. She doesn't drink or go to parties and literally spends her day exercising and studying--which I don't mind and the motivation I actually find very attractive.

We've known each other a few years, but we both became injured and can't run so we are both stuck training on stationary bikes and are forced to sit next to each other for a few hours a week. We began snapchatting and most days the conversation goes for hours. I think we have a lot in common and although no one else on our team would've called a relationship between the two of use happening, they are now like "yeah that actually makes a ton of sense"

I asked her out before she left for thanksgiving break and she said yes. We hung out at an ice cream place, went and player billiards, then I walked her back to her dorm and she hugged me and we kissed. The next morning I saw her and it wasn't awkward and we have continued to Snapchat each other a ton, but I just never see her. I'm healthy now, so I run and don't stationary bike--she has different practice hours of me anyhow. We eat at different dining halls and she lives on the opposite side of campus.

I asked her if she was free this week and she said "depends on if I like doing homework", which I'm fine with, but then she remembered she had music rehearsal/recitals for 4/5 days and the other day had office hours but I think she had time after we could've hung out. I also asked her if she wanted to go out this Sunday, and she said that should would but then said because we have a race on Saturday we have to be at she will have to dog work on Sunday but we can do it together, but I am becoming paranoid and thinking that she is just blowing me off.

The date we went on, she seemed very receptive--touching me, smiling, hair twirling, etc, but that was over a week ago and I'm getting stonewalled, it seems, getting another date. She seems like she is very inexperienced with guys, isn't into partying or drinking and is very focused.

She's an insanely dedicated student athlete... probably spends 30 hours a week practicing and she has a 4.0 in a hard STEM field--so I accept that she is busy and has priorities straight, but I am wondering if I'm just wasting my time and setting myself up for disappointment. I'm giving her some space and she said I should come to her musical performance tonight, so i will, but I was wondering if anyone had any advice or experience with extremely busy and motivated women.

[PDN777]

Hi,

What occurs to me is you need to ask yourself what you want and what you need. Specifically, how many hours per day or week do you want to spend with a "significant other." Once you are clear on your "ideal" preferences as well as your "minimums," you can have a brief chat with her and tell her something like, "I like you and I want to get to know you, but I want/need a couple of things to move forward." If she is not able to meet your minimums, my suggestion is to move on to another person. For more, have a look at my website: https://exquisiteattentioncoaching.wordpress.com/ Best of luck! --PDN

[TheEvilJester]

I think that is actually pretty good advice. I mean, I would definitely say you don't put it to her like that. I wouldn't word it to her like "I need somebody who can be with me X hours per day/week." LOL! Not what I think PDN is suggesting, though. What I think PDN means, and I'd agree, is it is good for you to know yourself what you consider to be the minimum in your own head. Honestly, she could be "so busy" because she's not really interested in you.... she could be "so busy" because she isn't all that into you YET, but is interested in seeing where things go with you.... she could be "so busy" because she actually IS so busy.

Bottom line, though, even if she sincerely likes you and wants to be with you, if she's just too busy to be with you enough that you feel okay with the situation, then it doesn't make you wrong if that doesn't work for you. So, bottom line, if she doesn't have enough time for you, you should move on regardless of whether she doesn't have enough time for you because she legitimately doesn't have enough time, or because she just doesn't bother to make time for you.

On the other hand, if you think maybe you could make it work, just talk to her about it. Something like what PDN says. You just let her know you have really had fun getting to know her, and you understand she is busy and are fine if it is literally that she is just busy, but that if she's just trying to be polite and let you down easy she should just be honest with you. No hard feelings necessary, you just would be better served to move on if she's not interested.

Good luck to you!

[josephdiaz99]

Don't push her to give you an answer, just be a little more obvious and tell her you want to see her, maybe a casual "I miss you" would do... Try to get some indirect answers. If she answers positively than you'll have a date!