will he ever love me?

[violete]

Hello!

I would like to hear your opinions and advice on this matter.

So, I am 30years old woman, in love with a man, 7 years older than me. We met five months ago and we started off as friends. We were just hanging out occasionally, going out and the first time we kissed he said it shouldn't happen again.
After two months of hanging out, we started sleeping together and all this time he kept telling me, he does want a relationship, but doesn't want a relationship, that he can't promise me anything, he is so confused about our relationship, he doesn't feel what he should, but maybe some day...that we are giving "us" time and a chance.
I don't know what to think, because now after 5months, we still hang out almost every day, I never initiate a meeting. On days when we don't see each other, he always calls me. We talk about problems, we help each other.
But still, he isn't showing any sings that he would like to be with me for real..once I tried to stop with all of this and he said ok, we can stop having sex, but he really needs me as a friend. That he doesn't know what he would do without me.

I have so many ups and downs in this relationship..one day I think I should leave to find someone who will want to be with me, on another day I think it is worth waiting for him, that we enjoy each others company.
Bot obviously for him it is not enough. Does he just need time to love me or is he just stringing me along?

Thank you for ur thoughts

[pcmaster]

Hard to tell how much heart he have left. It might be years or he never could really love you.

[Saya]

Could probably take ages for him to love you. You're already in your 30, you should be finding someone who is willing to settle down with you, get married and have children. If you don't want all that then you could wait for him. He probably won't love you like you would tho.

[violete]

I do want to have children and family. He is also taling about family non-stop, I just have this feeling he doesn't want it with me and he never will.
Last week I told him I needed some space to think things through (he didn't give me space). But then I feel I am overreacting, we were never together as a couple, he told me from the start that he doesn't feel I am the one. Why do I keep wishing he will change his mind?

Should I break it off completely or wait? I am affraid one day he will just leave, or start talking to me about other girls.......nightmare

[TheEvilJester]

That's not how love works. When you are in love, there is no doubt. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying it is always like you see each other across a crowded room and there is just a spark and you just KNOW. Sometimes it can be a confusing thing..... but not to THIS degree. You either want to be with somebody or you do not.

Personally, I don't believe for a second he sincerely has any intention of ever changing. If you ask me, my personal best guess would be he knows exactly what he is doing and wants to keep you around because you give him something he needs without him having to actually commit because he knows you'll just stay around.

Honestly.... I could be wrong. It is certainly possible he's being 100% honest with you in that he is confused about what he wants.... but then maybe that is your excuse to remove the confusion by removing yourself. You should NEVER have to convince somebody that you are worthy of their love. If after five months of this sort of "friends with benefits" type of arrangement he is still unsure, then maybe it is time for you to move on.

Believe me, I know part of you doesn't want to do that. I know part of you just wants him to be the man you want and deserve. The thing is, he may not be that man. If he's not, no amount of waiting and wishing will ever make him that man. You will just continue to be hurt. And, heck, don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with having a friends with benefits type of arrangement..... IF it works for both parties. Seems to work fine for him.... but that is not what you want. So, don't settle and don't wait around.

Hell, there doesn't even have to be any hard feelings. You can leave and just give him the benefit of the doubt that he was being 100% sincere with you... but that it just isn't enough for you. If I were you, I'd even say something like "Hey, I understand that you aren't sure where your head is at with our relationship. I can appreciate that, and I wouldn't ask you to force yourself into anything of which you aren't sure. But, I AM sure that I am looking for a committed and serious relationship, so this just isn't working for me anymore. But, I sincerely wish you the best and hope you do find what you are looking for."

Now, maybe you are not ready to give up on him yet, and I could understand that. So, if you want to give him some more time to see if he'll finally come around, then please feel free to do so.... Just more importantly, PLEASE have some reasonable timing in your own mind for when you will have had enough and decide it is best to move on. Please care enough about yourself not to settle for somebody who can't decide whether or not they love you. The guy for you should be so crazy in love with you he wouldn't DARE to risk losing that.... not having trouble deciding whether he loves you or just loves sex.

Good luck!

[Whocares]

I've been that guy and I think he really doesn't love you, but needs you close

[breathe123]

Bump for the spam here.

[TheEvilJester]

And I will go ahead and bump this again as well. Thanks, breathe, for also lending a hand. When a piece of crap like that spams the Hell out of this board, we need to work together to make sure we don't let them ruin it for us. Don't just throw up your hands and leave, people, just ignore all their threads, find the legitimate ones, and respond as you normally would.

Make Love Forum great again! LOL!