21 and virgin

[Thecaptain]

Hello everyone, i am 21 years old and still virgin.
It's not that i am very shy or anxious or anything, it's more a moral thing. I want sex too afcourse but i refuse to let social pressure let me set down my standarts ans just get the next girl i can find who i dont care about. I am still behind my choice but from time to time i have doubts. Now i met this girl and there is something between us, something real. She wants to get to know me better and she stayed at my place and we just laid on the couch and my bed, not cuddling tho. Now i am invited over to her house but the thing is, i can't really make up where here boundries are... so i don't know if she is ready to kiss or even call it a relationship. So 2 questions actually:
1. Am i taking this "not lowering my standarts for anyone" thing too far? Is it weird to be virgin at 21?
2. How can i check with her if she is ready for more without looking like the next best ****boy.
I told her i like her and that she really is on my mind and she thanks me but didn't say anything of sorts back.. but she did invite me to her house to sleep over so im confused.
I haven't been in a relationship really, i am confident so talking is not really a issue. Please help me out i really want this to work. She keeps me of my sleep everynight.

[pcmaster]

Man first let me tell that Im a virgin too and proud of it. Most guys I know have slept with too many girls for their own good. Its cool that you want love first before sex. Also its cool to be a virgin cause theres so much guys out there that just using girls for sex and are manwhores. Its so easy to fall in cheap sin so more power to you for not falling in temptation.

She seems more experienced and it seems like her feelings are not yet where your feelings are since she couldnt respond with same. Also it takes longer for girl to fall in love than it takes to a virgin guy.


Anyway it seems like I experienced what you are going tru now. I will guess and Im pretty sure about it that girl already figured out you are virgin. And by inviting you to her house she just basically says that she wants sex. But you dont have to do it if you dont feel comfortable.Kissing comes first, then touching above the waist and then next time at her house you can touch eachother below the waist. It takes hours of spending together to feel comfortable. Its like building up that trust and confidence.

So you dont sleep. I had the same problem before meeting girl cause we chatted about sex so much and it got to my brain. But I used sleeping pills and they helped. Then after meeting her in real life I was able to sleep without pills.

I will tell you what - dont expect yourself to be able to sleep at girls house. If you will do sexy things in bed before sleep, you wont be able to sleep but will just spend all night in bed with a hard on.

You should comicate with girl un bed, tell her if you dont feel comfortable. Also you might be pretty peaceful in bed, but she might be aggressive. Its okay, it takes some waking up. Every next time in bed you will become more and more confident and aggressive. Your sex drive will go up.

So yeah go on by your feelings - if it feels nice then do have sex, if it feels like something is not right or its too much then dont have sex.

Seems like this girl have gotten to a point where she wants a virgin guy. Its up to you if you want to give up your virginity to her or not. If you want relationship afterwards then you should say it upfront.

I can suggest dont aim for sex but look for spending nice time together and sex will come by itself. - Bring her a red rose, compliment her looks, have a glass of wine together, watch movies in bed, kiss and cuddle while doing that. If she can cook then she could cook you both a dinner and breakfast. Thats also nice. So yeah go by the flow. Whatever feels right.

[hazey daisy]

I think this moral stuff is an excuse to hide the fact you have real anxiety about sex and how you are able to perform.

The normal progression is for you to make a move because girls EXPECT the guy to take the lead in all aspects....the first to take her by the hand, the first to put your arm around her, the first to move in for a kiss, the first to express interest in a relaitonship the first to take things to a sexual level (OMG! SEX!!), the first to say "I love you" etc.

[richiro]

1. there is nothign wrong with being a virgin (and there is nothign wrong with being highly sexual either!!!!) so never worry about that. don't worry about what society or anytobyd else thinks. "you do you" as my brother woudl say - always stay true to yourself!!! and never apologize for it.

2. how do youknow what she's ready for? typically females will give hints if you know what to look for. but the inviting you over, coming over - that's a hint. the best way i can advise on how to figure it out is to build up to it. nobody likes the sudden awkward "kiss attempt" or "boob touch" attempt. no. the best way is to .. hold her hand... place your hand on her arm, her back, maybe her shoudlers. go from least intrusive/personal to more and more personal/intimate. SLOWLY. then observe how she reacts.

if she pulls away or turns away or makes your hand (or whatever) stop - she's not ready yet or not interested.
if she does not resist in any way and even reacts positively to it (breaths deeply, sighs, tilts her head and make it easier for you to do more.. comes in closer and more snuggly) then that is the green light that she's ready for more.

again.. very important. BUILD UP SLOWLY. The rule of thumib here is: you should build up in a way that yo already know what the next reaction is going to be before you try it. if you don't know, then yo haven't built up slowly enough and haven't been paying attention to her signs enough to know what she wants next.

good luck!

[rjkennedy]

Interesting post. I've always said that 'honesty is the best policy.' I clearly understand that you're saving yourself for that special someone. Nothing strange about still being a virgin at your age. Now enters this new girl that you feel something for. Be upfront and honest with her.

Before going over to her place, call her. You can then get a feel through the conversation, of where her head is really at. Also during conversation, work in the fact that you're still a virgin. If she really like you, she'll understand and won't pressure sex from you until you're ready. As things slowly progress, according to her actions and words, you'll know if she's the one.

[richiro]

words can be a tricky thing as people don't always say the truth. And anybody can say aything they want - but their actions never lie.
this is why i recomend goign in person and seeing how her BODY reacts and her body language and her actions. Those always tell the truth.

a phone conversation hearing words without seeing her - you can never tell what that truly means if they aren't being honest or forthright (which isn't always meaning a bad lie.. it could just be somebody who's really shy or nervous and thus doesn't tell you they like you b/c they don't want to get rejected on the phone)... so in-person always best. build up slowly so you know and have seen her bodily reactions and physical actions towards your slow advances which she will either reject you or keep letting you do it (thus saying its okay to go farther) until you get to ap oint she does stop you - telling you "tha'ts the line you can't go over right now"...

it'll tell you all the answers you need.

[aadi]

hi friends you are right i agree nice and thanks for the awesome suggest for him