Have I made a mistake in breaking up??

[Floyet]

3 days ago (on new years day of all days) I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months. He's my first solid relationship so I'm struggling to know what to do. I know I'm still in the 'mourning' stage but I really need some advice about this before it gets too late to try and fix it.

There's a few reasons why, but now that I've had time to realise what I've lost the small ones don't seem so bad. Breaking up was a really rash decision after new years night out when I'd said a lot of things to him. I was very honest (and drunk) about how I felt about the relationship. I addressed it the morning after and broke up with him there and then. I just really need someone to tell me if I should leave it as a new year start or do something.

So first, I really like this guy. He's so good for me makes me feel so confident in myself and makes me want to do well in life, which is apparently what I've done for him. He makes me laugh, is there for me whenever I need him, respects me so much and appreciates me being there. He makes me happy. But, I've never really said 'I love you'. He's said it before, a few times, but I've never said it back. I've only ever felt that overwhelming sort of feeling for him once, and that was months ago. :\ In retrospect, this might be due to me being very cautious in relationships due to my parents being divorced by multiple people. But I don't know what 'love' feels like, so I never really felt like I could say it. It was always too scary and would feel forced.

I think this is largely due to the fact that I'm not physically attracted to him. I didn't feel that physical draw and tbh was turned off by some of his features (largely to do with his face, with is obviously an issue). I've never thought 'wow he's hot' or attractive at all, which did affect parts of our relationship (a couple months ago we realised that sex was primarily for him). He was very attracted to me, which meant he was always up for it. It tired me out a lot just thinking that I'd have to get myself somewhat worked up, just during normal conversation. It felt like it was always leading to something. Don't get me wrong, there were bits that I enjoyed and he worked hard for me to do so, but it felt like a thing that we had to do.

When I ended things, I was very upset and emotional so I didn't do a great job in explaining things. The bit that stuck in his head really, which I regret saying as bluntly as I did, was that I wasn't attracted to him. If I did try and restart anything, I feel like that would be a big bit at the back of his mind.

There were other reasons why but obviously right now I just remember the big stuff, not the little things that bothered me at the time. I had been considering it for a while but honestly, I'd never discussed my issues with him. We'd talked about some stuff but he never knew that I wasn't attracted or that I was more scared of love than he was.

I just need someone to help me out here; should I give it time, try again now, or move on???

[Markdg61]

Hi Floyet,
I'm sure you are not but unless you're really shallow, there's more to attraction that physical looks. I'm sure you wouldn't have dated him if you didn't find something attractive about him. From what you've described, it sounds like he made you happy and that is what counts the most in a relationship. Would you stay in a relationship with someone that looked like Johnny Depp but was an asshole?

I myself am one to avoid falling in love with for fear of getting dumped. I was in a relationship quite the opposite of yours. The women was very attractive but didn't have any of those qualities. I let my guard down and fell in love with her only to get dumped. When I fell in love with her I was blind to her not so good qualities but I think in your case, he sounds like great guy and if you did open your emotions to him, he might become more attractive than you think.

If you want to continue, write himself a letter telling him how you feel, if he's receptive to a reconciliation and if he does have any ill feeling about what you said, that will fade as time passes.

In any case, do what you think is right. Do what your heart tells you to do.

Good luck