Am I just jealous?

[lauvias]

Okay so basically I had a fling with this guy a few months ago, and I really liked him, but he decided to break it off after only a few weeks. However, we stayed friends and hung out a lot, and I tried to make a move a few times, but he always (gently) rejected me. On Christmas, we spent it with a few friends, and since we were the only single people there, we ended up talking all night and he kissed me. I was very happy, because I thought it meant that he was finally ready to get back together. We started texting more and more, and I should be happy but I can't help but have a bad feeling.
You see, the guy (let's call him G) is generally a very friendly guy, he has a lot of girl friends and I usually don't mind, but there is this one girl (let's call her S) I cannot stand. G denies ever having any feelings for her and he always reassures me that they are just friends - good friends, but I don't really believe him.
We went to this NYE party, and S was there, and even the dumbest person could feel the tension between the two of them. They were always talking on the side - alone and touching each other (hugging for no reason, slapping each other, touching each other's faces, etc.). Now, he did not ignore me for her as he actually spent more time with me than her, but he always kept staring at her even when I was there (even when we were slow dancing, his eyes were on her!), and at one point, he even left in the middle of our conversation to go talk to her. When it was midnight, I tried to kiss him, but he rejected me and kissed me on the forehead really quickly instead. I thought that he was just shy about kissing me and showing affection in public since we never actually made anything official, but then I saw him a few minutes later with S, engaged in what seems to be the most intimate hug ever in front of everybody, I could see how happy they were. I tried to see if he hugged his other friends like that, but no, he only hugged S like that. Plus, whenever we hang out with other people and S isn't there, G and his friends always seem to bring her up, ex: "Oh S told me that..." or "Yo we should have asked S to come" and things like that.

I know he likes me, because he's very nice to me and always acts like we are a couple when we are alone, but once S is there (or mentioned) he changes instantly. I know we never made it official whether we were back together or not, and I want to know if I should continue talking to him, hoping that they are just friends or if I should end it there, before I get my heart broken.

Thank you guys.

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I think you are asking the million dollar question there. Based on what you've shared, I'm not sure any of us can actual answer it. Are you just jealous or is there something between the two of them? We can't answer that for sure. What I CAN answer is you definitely have a right to feel that way. At least based on what you've shared. If you two are a couple, then he certainly should understand why something like that would/could upset you.

On the other hand, maybe I'm misunderstanding and you two aren't really at the "couple" state yet. Maybe you are just sort of "dating" right now. In other words, if you aren't exclusive then you can't necessarily expect he wouldn't date other women as well. .....So let's pretend that is the case for a second...... that still doesn't really make it okay for him to be hanging all over some other woman like that right in front of you. Even if you two aren't exclusive/aren't yet, that doesn't mean he should just be free to do whatever he wants WHILE actually on a date with you.

Now, I wasn't there so there is certainly a chance that maybe the things he was doing with her SEEMED more to you than they actually were. I can't really know that since I wasn't there. But, the bottom line is they bothered you. At the same time, apparently he didn't do anything blatantly wrong enough that you feel certain he did anything wrong.... so I'd say you talk to him about it, but not as though you are actually accusing him of doing anything wrong.

Maybe more so approach it like part of you almost feels silly for even feeling this way, but that you can't help that you felt somewhat less a priority based on what you saw. That if you are just imagining things he should be honest about that, but that if he does like her he should be honest about that as well. If you two aren't exclusive, then he certainly could like her as well and that's not really wrong. .....Of course that doesn't necessarily mean it's not wrong FOR YOU. So, if that turns out to be the case, then maybe that doesn't work for you and that would certainly be your right.

So, honestly, just talk to him about it. But, do so when you can give yourself time to calm down and collect your thoughts, not fresh after he's done something that made you feel this way. You want to approach the discussion with a level head almost as though part of you feels silly for even having to discuss it in the first place. Not that I'm saying it IS silly, as I certainly understand how you feel. I'm just saying, better to approach it as though some part of you thinks maybe you are just exaggerating things in your own mind. That way you take the high road. If it turns out he IS a jerk, then you'll find that out eventually. Otherwise, if you approach it as though he HAS done something wrong, you can wind up making yourself look like the bad guy even if he WAS being a blatant jerk the whole time. You don't deserve that, for sure.

Good luck to you!

[melancholia]

He's not that into you. He likes your company and he likes that you are super into him, but he clearly doesn't feel the same way about you. You two aren't even in an official relationship, so you are torturing yourself over this and it's not healthy. If he wanted to be with you, he would make that clear. The only thing he is making clear here is that he wants to be friends with you, but you aren't really friends with him because you are constantly waiting for him to wake up one day and realize he should be with you, but that only happens in movies and tv shows. Men who want to be with someone, make that obvious to the person they want to be with. They don't reject your advances or act shy to be in public with you. I suggest you stop spending so much time with him and let your crush subside before you start hanging out with him again, or you'll continue to torture yourself and that doesn't sound like much fun at all.

[meloveu]

I agree with machancholia. He hit the nail on the head. It hurts but obviously he not that into you. Always Keep your options open. If he's interested and serious about you, his actions would be different.

[TheEvilJester]

I actually did kind of misread that now that I'm looking at it again. I sort of took it to mean you two were back in a relationship (even if it wasn't necessarily defined yet). Now that I am re-reading, I see that you two just kissed at a party and you assumed that to mean you were back together..... but that neither of you has actually specifically said it/talked about it yet.

So, yeah, that being the case I do lean even more towards thinking he's not considering you a priority. So, maybe it would actually just be better for you to move on. Though, again, if you would feel better at least trying, you can certainly try talking to him first. At the very least, don't wait around forever hoping he's just going to suddenly decide he wants to be with you. Don't let him just keep you stuck in limbo wondering what your relationship is, exactly. Either decide it would be best just to move on, or you start up the "what exactly are we" conversation and decide based on that whether you want to keep pursuing this. Good luck!