Staying in a "happy" relationship but have a crush on another

[Rachel01]

Hello everyone!
I'm new here and I want to share my story because I can't bear it alone.

I'm in a relationship for two years, we live together, spend together nearly 24 hours a day. It seems to be serious, maybe "forever" relationship but it is not all flawless. We argue often, used to fight even. I know he loves me, even if he says he hates when he is mad, he doesn't want to leave, neither do I. But... For some time, few weeks maybe, I can't think about him the way I used to. And here comes the crush I mentioned in the title.

This guy, let's name him Dan, can't get off my mind since four years, when I meet him in highschool and we were dating for a while. That was the time of my life, meeting him in our favourite cafe. I can't forget his admiration, this moments of youthful desire. The day I've started admiring him, I ruined it all because I was stupid and couldn't decide whether him or my boyfriend (highschool boyfriend - not current one). Hesitating for too long and keeping meeting with my bf destroyed my romance with Dan. He said he couldn't trust me anymore. After all, I regreted it, tried for his heart but no success. We remained friends, sometimes we were meeting in the same cafe we used to. Every time I saw him, I was in heaven, feeling so happy and thrilled. The most magical night in my life was when Dan came to my flat for a sleep after some party. I prepared a couch for him and stayed in my bed but he invited me to the couch. I agreed and... nothing happened. He embraced me gently and we were laying for a while. I noticed he couldn't fall asleep so I moved closer and felt this tension between us, so I tried to kiss him, he nearly responded but then he realized we couldn't do it cause we need to set the boundaries. I accepted that, what else could I do. Even without lovemaking this night was wonderful for me as I dreamed about sleeping with Dan next to me. I felt it all laying next to him: love, passion, intimacy. That was two years ago.
From this time I met him once for a second at our university (we study the same faculty but there's a little chance to meet accidentally) and since then none of us contacts one another. But I still dream about hearing his voice on the phone or meeting him just for a second. When I feel miserable I imagine me and Dan in our 30's, staying in a nice house by the sea, drinking wine, chatting, kissing. This is the most beautiful thought I have. I know he would probably agree to go out for a coffe and talk like we used to but I also know I shouldn't do it because I'm in a relationship.

Have you guys ever had a crush on somebody else while being in a relationship? I don't want to break up and I feel guilty that I couldn't have all this happiness and excitement for my man.

[richiro]

a healthy and successful relationship requires some space and "alone time" and "me time" and individual pursuits. this is what you need to do with your relationsihp.
As for the crush - it's a trick. it's a temptattion. it happens to all of us. don't fall for it. It's thte "grass is greener on teh other side". don't fall for it! it rarely works out!

I call it the 85/15 rule. Your actual partner takes care of the 85% that makes you happy - usually the boring, monotonouse, grinding day to day stuff.
Then comes alont this dude who can supply the exciting 15% stuff - the fun stuff that doesn't make a relationship.. but is fun.

You already have your 85% taken care of so that's why it appears the 15% dude is perfect. he's not. in the end your bf gives you 85% of your happiness, you're just desiring the other 15%.. which is why "romeo" who gives you that 15% has your attention. Again.. DON'T FALL FOR IT. Its much better to dial it back and work on making the 15% better with you and your bf - rather than finding out "romeo" is only capapble of handling 15% and will never give you the 85% that you deserve.

its the age-old temptation "grass is greener" trick.
Many have made the wrong choice and went for the easy fun prize without thinking.

don't do the same. work on your relationship. don't take shortcuts. work out the rest of the 15% with your bf.

Good luck!