So confused by this guy please help

[Smoochme]

So 3yrs ago I met this guy I really fell for , our relationship was very on/off due to him
I'm the type that doesn't love easily but when I do I wear my heart on my sleeve , he's not very forthcoming with feelings and all I got was I really really like you
I always found he would reel me in then once I got too close he pushed me away ...... after a while I got totally fed up of the pull/push , we had lots of fall out and I found once I backed away he'd come back
Anyway eventually he told me he dosnt feel like I do , we never spoke for about 5weeks , I got poorly ended up in hospital and out of the blue he messaged ..... that was almost a yr ago now we broke up and he contacts me every other week asking how I am or if he's had a few beers he wants to FaceTime me like we are best mates
He likes to talk about funny memories we've shared etc
Recently I've found out he's fallen for someone who is married , it's hurt me because how can he think the world of someone who is a cheat ?? Why wasn't I good enough ?? I had to tell him listen I don't get why you keep messaging me it's confusing me because I still care for you , just go be happy with your cheating girlfriend
Yet he still comes back messaging ?? Why is he doing this ..... I know I should ignore him but because I care about him I can't yet in the meantime it's breaking my heart ...... I don't get why he does this I've not seen him in over a year ..... please help

[richiro]

as a female i know the immediate thought that comes to mind is "why her not me? what's wrong with me? what does she hafe that i dont have"... please stop doing this. it's ALMOST NEVER about that.
in this case.. he's a "hunter". He loves the hunt.. not so much the rewards. He likes to pursue.. he likes to make girls want him. He's not so interseted in the relatoinship part once he has them.

This is him. That's why it's the pull/push game. As soon as you aren't intersted, he can hunt you again and it feeds his ego for him to think he has the 'skill' and can make youw ant him anytime you don't want to want him. See?

stay away from "hunters"... they aren't in it for love and committment. they are in it for their ego and for "the game" of hunting.

let him go.

[Smoochme]

You are so right I do feel like why wasn't I good enough to love
I do feel that this woman is a challenge for him because she isn't so called available even though she's putting it out behind her fellas back ,I believe if she leaves her fella he won't actually want her
But what hurts me is he says he loves her ...... she's a bloody unfaithful woman who has no respect or morals
I also asked him why do you feel the need to keep contacting me when you know it keeps hurting me , he said because I care and think about you all the time
Your right it's an ego boost for him I know I have to just stop all contact and stop caring ..... thankyou

[richiro]

YES! that's exactly it.. she is an unreachable ("a challenge"). That feeds the ego EVEN MORE if a "hunter" can convince a person who shouldn't be interseted in him or even be looking.. if he can get her to be interested in him and catch her. It's "the hunt".
That's also why you become "desirable" when you are not intersted and moved on.. b/c then its an ego stroke to get you to like him again when you originally don't. See?

Yes.. just like when he's no longer intersted in you when you bite the apple.. he will not be interested in anybody that decides to commit to him - at that point the end game is achieved, there is no value to him to be with somebody he's already got (that doesn't stroke the ego).

So as to what he says.. here is the next lesson. NEVER LOOK at somebody's words. Words and people can easily lie. LOOK AT HIS ACTIONS. Behavior and consistent actions NEVER lie. What he SAID to you, is how he hunts. Its his tools to "hunt" you and achieve his end game - to make a woman want him when they originally do not.

So yes.. how do we defeat such a "hunter" and make them stop and go away? You show him that he has ZERO effect on you. So you don't avoid him, blow him off, or get mad - those are all "reactions" that he caused.. thus in his mind he still has an effect over you. No.. instead.. you think nothing about him, don't worryabout him, don't let him phase you. if he calls or contacts.. reply but do not engage. Be unphased and uninterseted. When he sees and feels that.. he'll disappear faster than you can believe.

don't ignore or try to evade him.. keep doing your thing and just brush him off as if he's insignificant (b/c he is now).

Good luck....

[Smoochme]

You are so right about him , I also find when things are going to shit with her he contacts me , talking of past times
Sunday he even invited me out to meet his friends when he is near my area in March ...... I thought really what makes you think I want to be out partying with you ha 😏
Sad thing is he's actually a lovely guy to connect with and when I was with him he was a gentleman
But when it comes to women then like you say he's not ready for love he enjoys the HUNTING GAME 😏
He's 42 yrs of age and has a son I think he needs to grow the hell up
I will not be phased by him anymore , to be honest finding out he's a home wrecker has put me off him plus the fact he thought more of an unfaithful woman than he did me ...... lucky escape for me I'd say
Thankyou so much for helping 👌🏻

[Kates David]

I believe it is precisely for that reason, because he is braking your heart. He seems preoccupied with his innate drive, he appears to make no more effort than to do what comes naturally, but correct me here if you think I`m mistaken. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" This is true, and through innate drive, but only if the heart were not sufficiently fond in the first instance. He loses interest when he knows that he can have you because innate drive tends a guy in the direction of that female which most challenged him. The "making love" is for sexual gratification. and nothing other. He may mimic caring when other females are less available, and he will likely use you as far as it takes him in maintaining his ownership. This is how it appears to be currently.

[Hooo!]

Attraction is a complicated thing for us men.
Usually the hotter she is and the harder to get the more we are "into her"

However that is the thought of men who want to have a woman who want to fck her or who wants to be in some relationship. (See "hunter" above)
Hunters seek to own and dominate
And that is deeply attracting women

And also that means those men are not interested in the person or in the relationship
They just want to have it.

I understand that this make a some women horny and maybe some think that they will be able to "tame" the predator and maybe that's true for a very few.
But mostly those men are no good for relationships. They are not ripe enough

[Smoochme]

I really don't know what it is but he continues to come back , I think I'm in the friend zone as he's very into this attatched lady , I think he just likes to know I'm reachable when he wants to chat , it's a very weird one ...... I don't tell him I still care and tbh I don't feel the same about him anymore now I know he's so into someone else
One thing he has been doing a lot lately though is talking about how he treated me and he's sorry how much he hurt me plus talking about our good times together
It's very very strange , I think this girl is messing him about and won't make a decision, so I think he's reflecting back to how he was this way with me ....... karma for you hey !!