I fear my boyfriend is bisexual. What are your thoughts?

[belif]

It's a long post however it is regarding my boyfriend.

Boyfriend mentioned he watches straight, male and woman porn however lesbian doesn't do anything for him. I believe I am a fairly non judgemental girlfriend. My boyfriend loves his own ass and loves me to spank/squeeze it during sex which I like to do as anything that turns him on, turns me on. As a female however this is a bit of a blow to my femininty as no man should pay more attention to his own ass than a girl. He is constantly hard around me however. Whilst yes, he does compliment mine, generally speaking the attention is focused on his. Excuse me if I sound weird myself however I find it odd that my boyfriend loves me to give him hand/head and even loves to masturbate when he is in doggy position. Basically on knees, leaning forward with ass in the air. He loves me to go from behind. He also loves squatting which he finds pleasurable. He finds it easiest to cum in those positions and of course during sex which is usually him on top but finds it hard to cum laying down on his back if I give him hand/head. He has told me that masturbating in other positions is not effective and if that he just squats down, he cums very quickly. I've seen it before and he even flexes his feet so he's literally just balancing on his toes. When I have asked before, he tries to give me unreasonable explanations such as "gravity" which makes me even more puzzled. The issue is that it is interfering with our sex life. When we first met, he couldn't cum. It was only till after many tries of doing everything to please him, that he could cum inside yet he was still somewhat squatting, just penetrating this time. It was very frustrating as sometimes I would give him oral for 40 minutes or so, obviously enjoying it but no ejaculation. He put it down to masturbation, porn and performance anxiety. It was only one night where he was able to cum, that was inside me and somewhat squatting. I have mentioned to him that in order for him to be able to cum and not be desensitised, he needs to slowly try other positions masturbating so his body also gets used to it. He has agreed to do this yet still mentions he has tried other positions however it is not that effective. He believes just refraining from masturbation itself will help, yet I disagree because even if he does that like he has done other times, he still will only be able to ejaculate in me in particular positions such as missionary where he is somewhat still "squatting" He usually squats to masturbate, on tippy toes and somewhat bounces near the end of an orgasm. I feel somewhat better as the other night he mentioned that he masturbated to photos of me, in a different position and was able to cum.

The other night we were on the phone and I asked him to refresh my memory about a gay story he had whilst away on holiday that he told me months ago about a gay male hitting on him. He first told me he ignored him yet last night he said something different. He told me that the gay man at the party was telling my boyfriend he gave off a bi sexual vibe and asked if he's ever been with men and that it is only a matter of time. Again, I asked if he IS bisexual and he said "no, end of story" I told him that I would be disappointed if I found out he was lying. He said I will never find out as he isn't bisexual. He mentioned I could ask his friends and that they would laugh at it as they believe he is homophobic. We then were speaking about different masturbating techniques and I said to search on google as plenty of advice and different forms will come up, he mentioned he could look at male solo's. I asked why he would do that as it sounded homosexual and he said "yes actually that does sound very wrong. Just to be able to see how it's properly done" Then last night, I asked him again and it caused an argument, he said he feels offended.

Every time since I have brought this to his attention, he plays with the idea and makes it into a joke. For example, calling me his lover boy, touching himself and then saying to me "Ohhh that's so gay isn't it?" Basically making me think he is gay and joking about it. I somewhat laugh about it and then I asked if he will continue to joke about it and he said "yes because you actually thought I was into men"

It's not just the porn that has made me suspicious. For example last night (I assume he's just playing with me) we were talking about food and I meant to say I was hungry, however I accidentally said "Haha now I'm buddy" and he said "Hehehe buddy"

Tonight we were on the phone and he was talking to me about how serious he is about me and then he started coughing. I was jokingly about to say that he is coughing because he’s lying. Suddenly, he thought I was going to say “coughing on dick” clearly out of line and random. He then was reassuring me that he is not gay and is actually a homophobic and that if I’m that suspicious, to ask his friends and they will tell me my boyfriend is homophobic. He told me that he hates gay and I asked why. He said “because they think they’re so different to social norms and that they’re better than everyone else” I then asked if he has any gay friends, he said no but knows of.

Do you believe he is bisexual or has bisexual tendencies? It's difficult because he keeps saying he doesn't, yet whenever I do ask, his voice/tone changes.

[Kates David]

Honestly, my honest opinion, yes, I cannot imagine it possible that he is not, other than if he were to be conducting some kind of research. He seems overly sexed, perhaps even perverse. He loves erotically, correct. Is this the best that you expect from love. It is statistically the least likely place to meet someone that you can trust.

[belif]

Honestly, my honest opinion, yes, I cannot imagine it possible that he is not, other than if he were to be conducting some kind of research. He seems overly sexed, perhaps even perverse. He loves erotically, correct. Is this the best that you expect from love. It is statistically the least likely place to meet someone that you can trust.

Conducting some sort of research, meaning? Loving erotically?

[melancholia]

KatesDavid always gives terrible advice, so I would take his comments with a grain of salt.

It doesn't sound to me like your boyfriend is bisexual. It sounds more like he is into different types of sex than you are. In one sentence, you say you want to please him sexually, so you don't mind doing what he wants; but then in that same sentence you say it's a blow to your femininity to perform certain acts when having sex with your boyfriend. Either you are OK with what he wants or you're not. If you're not as open-minded as he is in bed, that's OK. You shouldn't try to force yourself to do things you don't want to do -- nobody feels good about that. However, you shouldn't be judging someone based on how they like to get off when they have sex. Everyone is different. Some men have a more difficult time getting off than others, and some need certain positions or moves to get there.

Often, people think men are easy to get off because we assume they jerk off all the time and "they're men, so it comes naturally" (seriously, no pun intended there); but everyone is different, and everyone has different levels of sensitivity. Just because he gets off in specific positions, doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy every aspect of sex, and it certainly doesn't mean he is not sexually attracted to you, or that he is sexually attracted to men. He may not like certain things, just like everybody else. A lot of men like ass play, it doesn't mean they are gay or bisexual by any means, it means they are open minded sexually and enjoy being pleasured. My BF likes ass play, and he doesn't get off from just oral sex. But I've dated lots of men who cum really easily from just a blowjob. It's all about different people and their willingness to try new things. Your boyfriend watching solo male porn to get new ideas of how to jerk off does not strike me as gay, it strikes me as curiosity. I watch a lot of double penetration porn. Does that mean I want two dicks in my p.ussy at the same time? No. But I am curious to watch it and think it's hot to watch on screen. Something a lot of people forget is that porn isn't real sex. I mean they are putting their body parts in other people's body parts, but it's all orchestrated and contrived. There's a camera crew and a director and the people in the film are actors. Each scene is decided before they start filming it, it's not a natural progression of how sex actually happens. Ladies in girl on girl porn are more often than not, straight women. Just because someone has a sexual experience with someone of the same gender does not mean they are gay. It means they are open to exploring sex with different people.

If you are not open to trying new things with your boyfriend, or if you think you are not sexually compatible, you need to talk to him about that, and possibly consider re-evaluating the relationship. Sex is really important in a relationship and it's not fair to stifle one's sexual needs because you don't like it, and it's not fair to ask someone to do something they do not want to do.

[Kates David]

The Melanchia above is defensive, I wonder why?!! Truth is you wont be told how to think merely as consequence of coming here, as much as others may wish to dream otherwise. However, hopefully it shall enable you to optimize your own decision making. Sex is considerably over rated in a relationship, and one can even enjoy the same without a partner, and without the risk. Making love, this is another area entirely, not that most men of course would necessarily appreciate the difference. How often do most men even make reference to it. If he is bisexual you may require to re-evaluate the relationship, but the relationship should amount to far more than whether he wants to give you one from the front or behind, trust me!! Homosexual experimentation is definitely not required of you!!haha.


You say you want to please him sexually, but where is the bit where you say that you do n`t mind pleasing him sexually? I only read the first few lines, but did you suggest to this, or are suggestions being imposed upon you, right here, and right now? Being into "different" sex is what being bisexual is very significantly about, and preoccupation with sex in a relationship is a highly negative indicator for the worth of that relationship. When two individuals genuinely love each other sex/making love is virtually entirely spontaneous, like a heart beat, it`s either perfect, or will soon find its way there. With genuine affection comes the desire only to ultimately satisfy one`s partner. In this regard many men cannot even find their way far enough to wholly satisfy themselves. There should be near absence of conscious effort. This is the state of equilibrium. Does one love with effort, no, it is spontaneous, and making love is only an extension of the same.

There are lots of people making lots of money talking sex, but truth be told, the only way to make a significant impact here is from the top down. If the sex is a mess then so to is the person, and is the relationship. You`ll know if it`s normal, but if it is n`t watch out! Do n`t believe any of the crap that men may have programmed you with over the monumental value of sex, not of course that this would likely be possible for you now. Making love should be serious/vital (for it is so), and having sex should only ever be for fun. It has no intrinsic value of its own beyond the fathering of a child, not that the father would likely be around for long!! In terms of one`s relationships, and the genuine or not nature of them, every day is a potentially new beginning, so until such time as there are children involved it is never too late to up one`s game. Love is all, not sex. One only requires good instinct to know when confronted by truth.

[richiro]

KatesDavid always gives terrible advice, so I would take his comments with a grain of salt.

hahahahahaha... you're giving him more credit than i would lol....

okay.. so back to the real important stuff.

so i have more questions than answers for you here because i was not clear on some of the most important parts here ... so let me ask you this:
1. SQUATTING. by this do you mean he's squatting like a catcher in baseball and masturbating in that position? and that's what gets him off most?
2. MISSIONARY with a SQUAT. i'm totally not understanding how this is even possible. so he's on top of you, and can only come if he's "squatting" in missionary? taht doesn't even seem possible to me.. can you clarify?
3. you said you noticed him squatting/masturbating and coming fast while he was bouncing up and down in this poition?
4. Exactly what is this "likes you from behind" thing you mentioned? are you strapping on?

okay.. so while we are waiting for those clarifications i'll comment on what i think i can comment on:
1. don't worry if he can't cum on his back or while you give him a hand/blow job. This means nothing. I am completely straight and I can't cum that way either - its very hard for me to.
2. i think it is obvious that he is into deviant stuff and "abnormal things' - as evidenced by his explanation for hatred of gays thinking they corner the market on "abnormal". so that to me means he fancies himself and prides himself on being abnormal. so it may not be so much gay/male sex that gets him off but moreso the idea that it makes other people uncomfortable - especially if he flaunts it (which we can see by the way he teases you the worst).
3. is he into men? the only thing that makes me think he might be is how much he wants and seems to want to flaunt that he is "homophobic"... the pattern is usually if one is overly homophobic, it means they are homosexual themelves and covering. but weighted agains the rest of this stuf.. i don't nkow. i'm just saying this is the one thing that i saw that was anywhere indicating he is into men.
4. the squat/masturbation fast cum thing. i see two more likely things than this being about being into men. it might very well be that he's very intuned to the fact that his colon is a more intense pleasure spot for men than anything else. so the poses you are worried about are actually helping to tiulate his colon a bit (with air, stretching it, moving it, etc.) and that might be what's geting him off... colon stimulation.

i've read and seen adult toys claiming that colon orgasms are 10X more intense and pleasurable for men than traditional orgasm.
if men are having problems at sperm banks "donating" - they typically have a nurse come in and help - and that specifcially is a colon massage (fingers thru the ass to get there) which then takes onlh a brief moment to make the man ejaculate and cum.

so all of this could be a massive misundestanding and confusion between being into men vs cumming via colon stimulation. And i woudl give it 50/50 as to which it might be. in fact, because this is a very little konwn fact (male colon stimulation), HE HIMSELF might be misundersatnding and misreading his own sexuality on this as well!

hope that helped.

- - - Updated - - -

so here's an idea.. there are adult toys stores out there that sell male colon stimulation toys .. maybe you could get him one and that will make it easier for him to stimulate his colon without having to do these off the wall things that then neglect you....
in doing so.. you will perhaps find out if its that that'sw what's going on.. or if he shuns it to go back to squatting and siulating as if he's on the receiving end of another male to cum - then you might be talking more aboug bisexual tendencies and fantasies runing thru his head.

who knos.. maybe it will finally bring him relief as to why he's like this too....

good luck!

[Kates David]

Yes, good luck in being shallow minded, but with more than two brain cells to rub together on my side, fortunately, I`m not actually convinced yet that you are, just a lady dog I mean. Trapped more like it, trapped in this sick mentality of so many so called men, brought up on it, that sex is the be all and end all of life. I am definitely not persuaded that this is actually you here Belif? For whatever reason, I believe that you may be running this as some kind of a social experiment, even if only a subliminal one. Perhaps for some additional insight into how men`s minds operate when given a free reign in the bedroom, and when left to their own just how deviant they can be. Why do they stop suddenly here, guess what, it may just be because the law inhibits them. If there were no rules do you honestly in your heart of hearts think that they would be tread no further? What, honestly? This mindset which you are currently playing games of love with, yes, it is only a game, will eventually blow up in your face. It is the very bottom of the pit in so called relationships, far more depraved even than erotic love.

[richiro]

Yes, good luck in being shallow minded, but with more than two brain cells to rub together on my side, fortunately, I`m not actually convinced yet that you are, just a lady dog I mean. Trapped more like it, trapped in this sick mentality of so many so called men, brought up on it, that sex is the be all and end all of life. I am definitely not persuaded that this is actually you here Belif? For whatever reason, I believe that you may be running this as some kind of a social experiment, even if only a subliminal one. Perhaps for some additional insight into how men`s minds operate when given a free reign in the bedroom, and when left to their own just how deviant they can be. Why do they stop suddenly here, guess what, it may just be because the law inhibits them. If there were no rules do you honestly in your heart of hearts think that they would be tread no further? What, honestly? This mindset which you are currently playing games of love with, yes, it is only a game, will eventually blow up in your face. It is the very bottom of the pit in so called relationships, far more depraved even than erotic love.

the defense rests.. lol.