What's wrong with him?

[whlam66]

So I went on my first date with a guy on Valentine's Day. It went quite well and smooth. We had good conversations and we eventually kissed to end the date.
We planned on our second date a few days after 14th. Yet, 2 days ago(17th), he texted me that he wanted to hang out that night as he finished his work early. I happened to be free so I said I could make it and I went to the place waiting for him. BUT, he didn't show up AT ALL!
I waited for like 30 mins and I called him several times. He didn't pick up. I texted back to him, saying that if he's not interested into me, then don't ask me out. Yesterday, he texted me and told me that he was sorry and he didn't realize I was talking about meeting him that night. He thought I meant to say I would like to meet him on Monday (20th) instead of the 17th. He also said that he was drunk after work so he wasn't in a good condition to meet that night.

I really don't know what to say. I was furious and I still am for a bit coz he doesn't seem like he feels really sorry about it. I feel like he just wants to have fun instead of genuinely wanting to know me more. Did I get the wrong signal after the first date? Should I forgive him or just ignore him? Please help me coz I don't know what to do. I mean I quite wanna hang out with him again and he's the one who asked me out on that night. How come he acts like this.

[Hooo!]

You have had a misunderstanding while he was drunk

I think you are raving.

If it happened repeatedly I'd think differently.

[whlam66]

I might be raving but he clearly read my messages that I was on my way. Anyway, thanks for your opinion.

[Hooo!]

your welcome :-)

[TheEvilJester]

I absolutely understand how you feel. I'd be pondering the same thing myself if this happened to me. So, you have every right to be mad. Hell, if that was enough of a deal breaker to you, it would be perfectly understandable for you not to bother giving him another chance. But, since you came here to ask I'm going to assume you aren't necessarily 100% decided on that..... So, here's what I think as somebody who can objectively look at the situation from the outside....

This has, so far, only happened once. Seems kind of bone-headed, and it is particularly frustrating that he couldn't just answer your calls/texts..... BUT sometimes S happens, so to speak. In other words, sure it is possible he blatantly ignored you and just made up an excuse.... but it's also entirely possible he did just mess up. It's possible he honestly did misunderstand and think you meant a different day, and it's possible he did miss your phone calls/texts for honest reasons. Hell, he probably wouldn't have made up an excuse of being drunk. He'd have probably made up something more flattering as an excuse. LOL!

So, if there's some part of you that wants to still give him a try, then you should do just that. I'd say don't keep your hopes up too much. In other words, at this point I think you should, in part, expect that the same is just going to happen again.... but just allow the possibility that maybe he'll prove you wrong. Like I said, S happens sometimes. If he makes a habit of being flaky, that's a different story. But, sometimes stuff happens.

So, whatever you decide is fine, but I don't see any reason (at least not yet) to conclude that he did it on purpose/carelessly. I definitely think part of you should/is right to suspect maybe that is the case, but I don't think you should necessarily conclude that for sure yet. Now, whether or not you give him the second chance to prove it is or is not is up to you, though. Good luck!

[melancholia]

After one date, I'd call this a deal breaker and move on. Standing someone up is super rude. There's no way he didn't get your missed calls or texts, and his excuse was lame at best. Unless he crushed his hands in some freak accident and couldn't pick up his phone or text you, there's no excuse for the stand up. I'd call it a loss and move on. Do not waste your time.

[Hooo!]

After one date, I'd call this a deal breaker and move on. Standing someone up is super rude. There's no way he didn't get your missed calls or texts, and his excuse was lame at best. Unless he crushed his hands in some freak accident and couldn't pick up his phone or text you, there's no excuse for the stand up. I'd call it a loss and move on. Do not waste your time.

yes yes
but he was drunk.
Maybe even drunk af
you do stupid things when you'r drunk.
It doesnt seem like he did this on purpose.

That doesnt make it less shit, but it makes him much less of an asshole.
Id categorise that rather as "clumsy"

[TheEvilJester]

Frankly, I don't think either approach would be wrong here. I mean, I personally feel like sometimes S happens, like I said. So, if I were her, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance to prove it was just a flub up. That does NOT mean I'd suggest just completely ignoring it. I would suggest, in the back of your mind, having at least some doubt as to the veracity of his excuses. That is definitely enough of a red flag to cause concern. I just don't personally think ONE occurrence is enough to make a decision in a case like this.

.....BUT

I absolutely couldn't blame somebody for feeling that is enough of a deal breaker. Especially if they've dealt with a lot of flaky people in the past. I can understand that giving you a zero tolerance policy for that kind of crap. Especially this early into a relationship. So, whereas I do think this is a case where it COULD very well have just been an honest mistake, I could not blame anybody if they were unwilling to take that chance.

[whlam66]

So I need to update what I have been dealing with him. I did forgive him as I thought that it only occurred once. He asked me out again but he only told me the date, not the exact time. That day came and I waited. 930pm, no text. 10pm, he asked me if I was still available to hang out. Well, it's quite late for me so that's a nope. He said next week. Same thing happened. Tonight, he did it again and he said he was out this time and his phone died, asking me if I wanna meet tomorrow night. I mean it's quite obvious that he wanna have fun. That's fine by me but he never really have time for fun as well. I know I should just move on with a guy who doesn't really wanna meet even for hooking up, let alone for real dating.

Thing is he really pissed me off and part of me still wanna hang out with him. Gotta admit that he's charming and funny. I shouldn't contact him anymore right guys?

[melancholia]

If you're ok with booty calls, then go for it. But late night calls and dropped plans without a head's up and pathetic excuses scream "booty call only material". If that's not your thing and you want more out of your interactions and relationshipship, then you should give up on this guy and start looking elsewhere.

[MartinOhm]

The way I see it, if you 2 want to keep in contact; it should be only as friends. But my strong suggestion is to leave that man! For me it is a strong indicator that he loves to get drunk. Not sure if this is something you see as a quality on him and men but trust me, alcohol abuse is never good no matter how the media tries to glamorize it.

[whlam66]

MartinOhm

He wasn't drunk after the second date he asked me. He was very conscious. He texted me again this morning and told me that his job makes his schedule very inconsistent and flippant. i know it coz he actually works in the film industry, not the actors you know. People behind it. Thing is even if he is that busy, he probably could just tell me in advance. I don't know if he really wants to keep this going and yeah I strongly start thinking that he wants booty call yet he is unable to make this happen as well.

[MartinOhm]

He works in Hong Kong cinema? Well if you wish to go on with a "booty" relationship then fine; but it seems his working schedule even clashes with that. If you aim at a serious relationship I suggest to look for someone else, unless the reason you view him as a serious relationship is because he earns much enough money in his industry.

[whlam66]

He doesn't earn much and yeah I should just move on. Thank you guys. It feels better and makes me become more determined to forget about him!!

[MartinOhm]

Well glad to know you will do what you feel it is the best for you!