Incredibly in love - but have a lingering feeling?

[lm0905]

Quick background - current boyfriend and I used to date 2011 - early 2013 and were broken up until about 5-6 months ago. We have since been back together and things have been amazing (we're both more mature now and it feels like a real relationship, as opposed to when we first started dating when I had just turned 18)... For reference, I am 23 and he is 26.

So for the past few weeks, him and I have been great. No arguments (maybe some bickering) but nothing major. I couldn't be happier if I tried. We just got back from a trip a couple of weeks ago and have just booked a couple more.

I've been seeing him a few times a week and each time is amazing. I am incredibly in love and it's awesome.

I've posted here before about how he didn't want any pictures of us posted on social media, which irked me. But then we went on our list trip and I posted a picture of us and he was totally cool with it.

But... I have this lingering feeling that maybe I'm, almost, *too* happy and I should keep my guard up a bit just incase something happens and we break up... I hate this feeling because it makes me feel like I am holding back from being 100% happy in my relationship.

How do I get rid of these feelings so I can only have positive feelings towards the relationship and not negative?

[Hooo!]

realise where that feeling comes from

i bet it comes from being hurt and getting hurt in the past.
And i understand it. Your having a real crush on each other now. Your emotions will probably change over time again.
And it is natural to want to protect yourself from being hurt again.

By doing that however you also protect yourself from giving everything you have.
And recieving everything he has to give.
It is cool if you want that. Or if you talk about it
or if you even just take your time relaxing towards each other.

i dont think theres anything wrong with doing what you do.
Its just that holding back doesnt really mean you cant get hurt
but it usually means you cant fully appreciate the other person.

[TheEvilJester]

I wish there was an easy answer for you. I don't, unfortunately, think that there is. I guess all you can do is to try more to engage your intellectual side in the process. What do I mean by that? I mean, just have closer, more serious sort of internal conversations with this. Kind of analyze the feelings you are having. Are you having doubts because of past pain? Are you having doubts because there are actual signs of possible trouble NOW? Those aren't necessarily questions we can answer. I can't know if you are having this feeling because there is cause for concern, or if you are just having this doubting feeling because you've been hurt in the past.

However, I can definitely relate to unintentionally sabotaging ones own happiness. Happiness is not a luxury life has often afforded me. So, I am a lot like you in this way. When I actually DO get to be happy for once, I find it hard to trust it. I just feel like it is going to either prove to be a lie or even if it is true, it is going to end. For me, that is because my life experience would dictate that. That's been my life experience, so how exactly could I think any differently?

The answer was that I learned to enjoy my happiness when I can get it and to not worry too much about whether or not it is going to end. To allow for the possibility that it may not turn out to be true, but not remain so suspicious that I refuse to enjoy it because I, just be default, assume it is not. The thing is, I didn't come by this epiphany easily. It took me a life time of suffering to get to that point. I do not wish that for you or for any other good people.

So, I know this is SO much easier said than done, but if you can just enjoy your happiness when you can get it. I definitely DO NOT suggest you completely let your guard down..... you just shouldn't let your guard become your captain, metaphorically speaking. In other words, don't become SO guarded that you refuse to ever let yourself be happy because you just think it will end. Unfortunately, sometimes that is life. Happiness can be fleeting. Enjoy it when it comes and fight your way back to it when it leaves.

Again, believe me I know from a lifetime of experience that this is SO much easier said than done. I sincerely do wish I could share with you some magical solution. It's just, unfortunately, there is no easy solution. In your specific case, I think part of you doubts this because you two didn't work out. There is part of you that expects that will just happen again. That is understandable. Often times relationships don't work out if they already did not in the past..... But this situation is a little different. You two were kind of still young when you were first together. Sure, you were technically adults, but there is frankly a HUGE difference in those few years. At 18, we are legally adults.... but we aren't REALLY adults. We are still finding ourselves in many ways.

Hell, in many ways we are ALWAYS still finding ourselves, but you are at least at a stage now where you are a little more rooted in life. So, this is one case where maybe things could work now even though it maybe did not in the past. So, if it is working, do your best just to enjoy that. If it proves to still not work, then deal with that at the time. Good luck to you!

[melancholia]

We choose how we feel and if you are happy, then be happy. Revel in it and enjoy that feeling. For some reason we are always searching for more, or we can't ever let ourselves be truly happy because we're waiting for something... either to be happier in some way, or for the happiness to fade... but if you are constantly struggling to enjoy your happiness, then are you really happy? I can understand feeling some apprehension because you two were together before and split up, so there may be some anxiety stemming from that and maybe you're worried a break up could happen again. I think you should let yourself be happy and enjoy your relationship and how everything is going now. If you dwell on what "might" happen, you won't ever really experience what is happening now, and that's sad.

[lovemenot]

I totally understand how you feel. I am in exactly the same situation (well different situation, but same feeling).
Feels like I finally met the right person and he is amazing and we are both so in love and so happy all the time together,
but I still get these feelings that maybe it's "too good to be truth" and people say that if it feels like that it probably is...

And also I have been hurt in the past, so I do understand I am probably trying to protect myself like that..

And I too just like you would like to get rid of these feelings, they certainly stop me from being 100% happy and from giving my 100% to this relationship.
And I over analyze every little detail all the time, like if he says something strange or doesn't text me as many sweet texts like before, it scares me immediately and all those things are somehow processed in my head as warning signs...and it's driving me insane.
And I do understand that I (AND YOU) just need to let go of these fears and enjoy what's happening right now not to worry about what might happen or not happen or that it all might end or something... but that seems like such a difficult task ..let me know if you find some magic way of doing that

And good luck!

[melancholia]

I think these nervous feelings will fade over time. I didn't quite have the "this is too good to be true" feelings when I started dating my current boyfriend, but I did think "well, this is probably just a summer thing and won't turn out to be serious" and I would have some feelings of jealousy and thoughts of him with other women, which I never thought about with other guys I've dated in the past. Eventually, those feelings subsided. The more I looked at his behavior toward me, the less nervous it made me feel about "us" and "where this is going". When we are so focused on what could happen in the future, we forget to enjoy the present.

Enjoy your boyfriends! Enjoy the way they treat you and remember that you deserve to be treated in a way that makes you feel loved, respected, and genuinely happy. There's a quote I love that I think suits this situation: "We know so perfectly how to give birth to the monsters inside us, but for reasons I will never understand, we haven't a clue what to do with all the love..." Try to focus more on what makes you happy to be with your BF, and what he is doing that shows you he is dedicated and that he cares about you. Let yourself be happy and enjoy those feelings, because some people never get to have those feelings.