Torn between guys

[tornbetweenguys]

I'm a current sophomore in college. Last summer I started talking to this guy that I knew through extracurriculars - we really hit it off, talked almost every night, realized that we had mutual romantic feelings for each other. We decided to try having a relationship even though the following semester (last semester) he was studying abroad. So all of last semester was a weird, semi-official long-distance relationship. It was hard for me because I really liked him, we had a lot of things in common, the few times I did visit him was amazing. But he was also dealing with a lot of mental health problems which made him often emotionally unavailable and unwilling to commit to having anything this spring once he came back to school. Eventually, after not being in touch for a few weeks, he told me that he needed to figure his life out and wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a relationship anymore. This came as a bit of a shock to me and I was very upset for the remainder of the holidays. When this spring semester started I felt like I was finally starting to get over him. Also complicating things was the fact that I knew that another guy who has been one of my best friends all through college is romantically interested in me. He is a great guy, very sweet and loyal and probably more than I deserve. A month into the semester we went on a date and I decided to give it a try since I thought I was over my ex. The sex is good, I still feel like he's one of my best friends.

Meanwhile, my ex came back from abroad and I still see him a lot since we're in the same extracurricular clubs and we share a lot of mutual friends. I thought that we were all over the relationship and fine with being friends. However, last week he confessed to me that he still has a lot of feelings for me, that he was going through a really rough time in his life when he broke up with me, and that he is doing better, regrets it, and wants to get back together.

Ever since this, I can't stop thinking about him and what we could have had. Even though the long-distance relationship had its ups and downs, we had so much in common and I feel like we were really compatible and could maybe have a good relationship if we started over. But then I'm also dating my best friend now, and I feel like we also have a really good connection even if I'm not sure if the same spark is there. Additionally, if I broke up with my best friend it would be so messy since I don't want to lose him as a friend, and I would mostly likely also lose a lot of our close mutual friends who wouldn't approve. But right now he is such a good person and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him but it feels so unfair to him to be still hanging onto my ex/thinking about a possible future with my ex. Help!

[MartinOhm]

Oh boy this one is hard. I would say to move on from both, but both of them have good chances. About the first guy, do his mental problems make you feel uncomfortable in anyway? If so maybe it is for the best for you to not be in a relationship with him. Is he under professional help or managed to get some? This could explain how he feels better now. Not trying to discriminate people with mental health issues as truth is we all have them, but not sure if you feel disscomfort from that and you are not meant to heal that.

About second guy, maybe you should speak to him about this. Not sure how much close of a friend he is to you, I feel if he is maybe he can understand. But probably you should tell both what is going on, problem is not sure with whom to start. Because you either can lose one or lose both. And none wants to be the loser, I know that feeling.

[Hooo!]

we cannot tell you what you want

you must decide on your own.
i second talking to your friend. however that could mean (depending on how adult he is) that he gets angry.

Lets hope you dont mistake "having a spark" with "having some drama"
because those are easily mistaken for each other.