Boyfriend is incredibly anal in the kitchen. What can be done?

[richiro]

we all have something where we have our "system". be it how the laundry should be done, the dishwasher loaded, how to maintain a car, organize a dresser, fold clothes, wash/wax the car, how laundry should be done, germs/cleanliness, and yes - the kitchen. your bf happens to be double-banging 2 things into one thing - germs/cleanliness + kitchen. this in and of itself in isolation is not a problem. we ALL have our "quirks" as i'll call them.

where this is a problem is if:
1. the ocd/analness extends beyond the kitchen (or is jus the tip of the iceberg on things you will find out he's also ocd/anal on later)
2. whe nit comes to somethign that is YOUR domain he is not as willing to follow and respect YOUR system that he deamdns from you in HIS domain.

The last thing here is this: when it comes to somebody's domain.. let them have it. easy trade off. Okay. you have YOUR way in the kitchen and cleaning in the kitchen? great. you do all the cooking and dishes. fair is fair. Great benefit to you! how many gals would die for THAT arrangement with their partner?

So i guess "problem [URL=http://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3]#3[/URL] " is if it is THEIR domain and yet they still DEMAND that you work in their domain.. and only in their way. That's a no-no. If ou're going to be anal and want things a cetain way - no biggie - then yo uget to do it all yourself... don't ask for help

[Hooo!]

^^^ This is correct. To the other poster, stop debating something that you are obviously wrong about. OCD is a mental disorder that may require medical treatment to manage the symptoms, while there is no medical cure for being controlling.

thank you for your opinion. You can debate something to find out where exactly you are wrong. Apart from that: I did study business psychology so I have some limited knowledge about the typcial ilnesses. If you get angry because of a friendly discussion then maybe you should not take part in it?
Medical treatments btw treat the symptoms of mental illnesses not the cause. So the medical treatment for ocd will likely help against controlling behavior too.

[MENTION=81312]melancholia[/MENTION] thank you for clarifying. You are ofc correct. However Id rather see illness (and as such ocd) not as a state but a continuum. (meaning you can have a little OCD and a huge OCD).
Ofcourse you can be controlling for just the sake of your own pleasure (and I didnt think about that before). That would be VERY different from ocd.
However If you control someone for the (irrational and or exaggerated) beliefs you hold then it is an OCD, right?
In this scenario this seems to be the case.
The OP specifically stated that he guy is obsessed with things being "dirty" and "breeding bacteria" and the like. We can notice the obsessive thoughts there.
Meaning I would assume that he is not going anal for the fun of it (pun intended) but he is being controling because of the (obsessive) thoughts he has regarding hygiene and bacteria.

[richiro]

why assume when you can observe and confirm?
don't assume he'll be that way everywhere else... OBSERVE and confirm whether it is an obsession with just the kitchen/germs or if it extends beyond that.

if it's just the kitchen - its not a mental disorder.. its' just their "thing". we all have them.

i am an IT PRO and a certified audio engineer - so in those 2 areas yes i can be a bit ocd and anal. doens't mean i'm mentally disturbed. it's actually reasonable b/c those are my areas of experience and expertise! duh!

so be careful of blanket "formulas" to apply across the board. that is a dangerous game to play. OBSERVE AND CONFIRM - don't blanket and guess.

[dontaskme]

thank you for your opinion. You can debate something to find out where exactly you are wrong. Apart from that: I did study business psychology so I have some limited knowledge about the typcial ilnesses. If you get angry because of a friendly discussion then maybe you should not take part in it?
Medical treatments btw treat the symptoms of mental illnesses not the cause. So the medical treatment for ocd will likely help against controlling behavior too.

That was about the only thing you were right was when you admitted that you have LIMITED KNOWLEDGE on illnesses. This is an open forum, you can't tell someone not to respond to your erroneous post. You can't admit you look like a fool for debating something you are totally wrong about, then it's your bad And there is no need to repeat what I said on medical treatments on OCD to control the symptoms.. .I can name you a few if you want, CBT, ERP, SRI (all evidenced based), ketamine infusion (experimental). Medical professionals are also doing genotyping to identify the likelihood someone developing OCD in their lifetime, while there is no such test for controlling behavior, kapish?

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Additionally, OCD has nothing to do with being controlling. People with OCD have irrational thoughts that make them do repetitive behavior to get rid or reduce their anxiety or distress. The behavior is directed towards them and not the other person.

[sheikhabibu]

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[Hooo!]

Additionally, OCD has nothing to do with being controlling. People with OCD have irrational thoughts that make them do repetitive behavior to get rid or reduce their anxiety or distress. The behavior is directed towards them and not the other person.

Pinto, Anthon y; Eisen, Jane L.; Mancebo, Maria C.; Rasmussen, Steven A. (2008). "Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder" in: Abramowitz, Jonathan S.; McKay, Dean; Taylor, Steven. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Subtypes and Spectrum Conditions. Elsevier. pp. 246–263
says you are wrong.
The behavior is directed towards their environment and includes interpersonal controling.
CBT and ERP are not medical. They are psychological therapies.

However reading up to it i realize that the reason for the controlling behavior does vary very greatly (which makes me wrong). Controlling behavior comes up with various personality disorder such as narcissistic, ocd and others.

I do not know how being wrong about a subject (and asking about it) makes me look like a fool. But obviously you know, so you can enlighten me as to that.

[richiro]

oi you guys are idiots.. we don't have enough information to know if he's OCD or not. being anal about a specific area does not make one OCD.
you don't know if he's like that about anything else before making your conclusions so let's STICK TO THE GODDAM facts shall we that we can confirm....

he MAY be OCD but that's something she will have to figure out. If he is.. then the answer is he is OCD and she will either have to accept that and be okay with that or leave.
He MIGHT just be anal about the kitchen and if that is so.. again she will either have to accept and be okay with that and find a way to deal with it (e.g. "okay.. you do all the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen") and keep going.. or decide she wants to leave.

take your argument elsewhere.. your'e not even addressing the OP's original question anymore.

[Hooo!]

sry, i forgot to mention:

i love interesting side discussions that have a little drama xD