Is there a wrong way to spend our time apart?

[BrianBlaze420]

Happy Friday!

Feeling blue and nowhere to really let it out so here I am.

Me and my girlfriend of 5 years are finally doing what we should have from the beginning and that is really figure out what we want in the future. Sadly the more we figure it out the more we see we are not compatible. As I think of why that is it seems pretty obvious we both like such different things. I have been trying for the last 5 years to get onto the same page and that is where I ****ed up. I used to think all we needed was love and with love we could work on anything but I guess I am naive otherwise every loving relationship would work.

It seems we both expected each other to bend towards the way we want out future to be. Obviously that is a failing method. I am starting to see there is a difference between compromise and constantly doing things you don't want for the partner you love. There is a fine balance and I just am not there.

I am not sure why this makes me so sad when I write this I know we are doing the right thing.

So I guess this is where my question comes in. Is there a wrong way for us to be spending time apart to think? We are taking time for ourselves right now and will be coming together at the end of the week and discuss what we want and I guess see where we are at.

At this exact moment I would love to crawl into a hole and die as I feel like such shit but realistically I am planning on relaxing all weekend and try to stay away from people. Everything reminds me of her even my good friends and working and being alone has me feeling a little better. Is that the wrong thing to do? Should I be going out and talking to people, just forget everything? Do I set a time limit for my alone time? I don't want to jump into the next relationship and I don't want to be forever alone, as I write this it all seems more obvious that I should do what is good for me and what I am happy with but is it unhealthy for me to cut everyone off for a weekend? Am I crazy for even thinking it?

As I point my questions to the sky I appreciate the fact I can let out my crazy thoughts somewhere.

Thanks for reading.

[richiro]

yes there is a wrong way... getting involved or seeing other people romantically or allowing any romantic feelings to develop for anybody else.
otherwise.. no there is not a wrong way. whatever it takes for you to figure it out.

in other words.. base the merits of your relationship with each other.. BASD ON THE MERITS OF EACH OTHER.. No comparing with what else is out there and then taking the best offer. That is a recipe for disaster.

[kel1986]

I kinda relate to this story a lot. My partner and myself have been together only 1 year and we Have obstacles in the way of us, which I myself believe that love would see u through anything (not the case when my love for him is a lot stronger than his for me) and also the fact some things just can't be sorted with love. Sometimes love isn't enough. He wanted some time and space to clear his head and has gone away to China and vietnam for 3 weeks with his buddies (this trip was planned long before we ran into this issue) just came at crap time. He has been gone since Tuesday now and we've not communicated once.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't desperate to hear from him, and know I'm on his mind but I know I won't hear anything. Tbh it's killing me, I hate time apart. We have never gone a day without speaking so this is torture for mE. But I have remained strong and true to my word to give him space. Going off all his snapchats he is doing little thinking about us.
He's having a whale of a time away and I'm sat moping around. Really sucks.

I know I shouldn't be waiting for him. But I can't let him go, the heart feels what t feels. I honestly feel I like I'm drowning.
Sorry to ramble

[BrianBlaze420]

No ramble at all glad we can relate. I am glad to not feel like such an alien. I am not the kind of guy to wait for someone to see if they still love me but my love for her really has me wanting to call or something.

It's been 2 days we have not seen each other and while it really sucks, I am all for progress. If we are not supposed to be together I am confident that everything will be fine for all of us (I include you in this) because we are all beautiful.

I totally feel the drowning sensation and when I was younger I would run to a friend or drown in another girl. But right now I have never felt so strongly about what I want, deserve and expect in a relationship. How far I have come. I am going to wait and see how this plays out not jumping on anything.

One day at a time <3

[kel1986]

I hate myself for allowing him to decide about me. Like why have I allowed him to make a decisions about me, when that's my job.

But I do because I love him, I'm petrified of not having him in my life again. Although after this, the hurt he has put me through, the worry, the desperation I'm not sure my heart could take anymore.

I just really want to hear from him. I want to know if I am on his mind like he is on mine or has he forgotten about me already.
Horrible feeling to not hear a word from him in almost a week now. Feel worthless and like nothing 😥

[Hooo!]

sometimes love just isnt enough - sad but true.

However sometimes you just think that you are not compatible.
Like: Do you want beer or ice cream. Well I want both!

sometimes we think that our plans and futures are not compatible but most of the case we only think that and its simply not true.
If you want to be with a girl (and she wants to be with you) you will have to pay a price for it.
Sometimes the price is a part of a dream you have. Sometimes its something else.

If you know what she wants (and why she wants it) and if you know what you want (and why you want it) then you can possibly find a way together.
I personally doubt that whatever it is is realy "uncompatible"
it may be difficult or require some creative thinking. That doesnt usually mean it is impossible.