Just trying to learn how to love after being divorced

[Beitzdub]

I'll save you the heartache, drama, and pain my divorce put me through.
Since my divorce I've had 2 serious relationships. One is over. The other is on the brink. I am asking for advice for the one one the brink.
I've been seeing her for about a year. When we first started dating, I treated it as a fling. She, however, fell for me quick. As time progressed, I've fallen for her. Problem is, she can't forget (forgive) my commitment issues from back when she fell and I was just looking for a good time.
Just this week, I had committed to a late sleepover with her but fell asleep and she was disappointed. Is still disappointed. To the point of ending "us"..
To complicate things, today was her birthday. I took a present to her work, which she posted and bragged about on social media. But talking to her tonight, we're still not on the same page.
If anyone can offer any advice, preferably someone whom speaks the love language of "quality time"(my gf, love) please give me a tip or two!

[pcmaster]

It seems like a break could be good idea. This video is about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ndw8AJXz9w

Also I think you should run after her or put up with her moody behaviour.

In your place I would say this to her - "In the end I just wanted to apologize." She asks - About what? "About absolutely fcking nothing "

20% effort brings 80% results and 80% effort brings 20% results.


From my last relationships I have learned that gifts dont save relationship. You just get thanks for them at the best. Also if girl is bringing up old shit you did then its time leave her. No matter how good you are and how much things are changed to possitive - if all girl sees is that one thing you did in the past then fck her its not worth it.
Seems like some girls are like that - they dont appreciate how good is present moment but just remembers your past mistakes and no matter what you do now its not good enough.

[Hooo!]

discuss this openly with her.
she must understand that sometimes and especially when people have been hurt in the past it just takes some time to commit.
Either she can be fine with it
or she cant.

However i cannot see the real problem. If she really fell for you hard wouldnt that mean she should be glad?
Talk about how you both want the future to be.

Its not just about spending time with each other tho...

[Beitzdub]

Thanks for the replies.
I agree, bringing up the past is a no no. Forgiveness is key in a serious relationship.
However, gifts, (did I mention I gave her a breakfast burrito and energy drink? Only part of bday gift..) go along way. Yeah, expensive gifts may work for materialistic girls. But I've been there... Any gift I give is well thought out and from the heart. Hence, a break fast burrito from her favorite restaurant.
pcmaster, you saying "girls are like that.." is spot on. I admit to my mistakes. I own them. Forgiveness is key. Now, some mistakes (cheating especially) can be unforgivable. But I'm doing my best to win forgiveness for mine in this relationship. I'm not a cheater or abuser. I just lacked commitment. But I'm ready now. Let's move past it.
Hooo! I'm doing my best to discuss it openly. Did I mention I'm 34 and she is 25? The age gap has its pluses and it's problems... I agree, if she fell for me early on and now I'm ready, why won't she accept it?! I chalk it up to her last relationships and shitty "baby's daddys"...they said similar to what I'm attempting and it's deja vu to her.
For an update, she invited me out with her and her friend on Saturday night to go dancing. We had a great time and spent Sunday together as well with her son and my two kids. I looked her in the eyes Sunday night and explained all the things she has brought into my life and how much they mean to me. All seemed good. Even most of today. Then tonight she told me that she had gone through my phone, at some point, and she is not happy about my Snapchat... another subject from past..

[Hooo!]

i think you are missing information
I would love to hear her side of the story.

Probably tl/dr; something like this:
Been with a guy for some time. Total disaster. Now single mother. Met new guy. He is great to me, but very dodgy past. He didnt show love for me for a long time and now all suddenly tells me he loves me and all. I am mistrusting him. Perhaps its too perfect? Strange snapchat. Im not sure anymore he is the right one for me. My friend tells me he is no good. Also we both have kids. Also he is much older (9 years).


And at this point i just wonder: what does she want?

[Beitzdub]

Hey hooo!. Great question. And you're right, hearing her side would be helpful. I can tell you every guy she has been with has cheated on her... so, it doesn't take much to send her mind spinning.
We're doing much better this last few days. The Snapchat I explained and it seems she understands. We had a great night last night, talked for hours and finished the night, 5am, with some great sex. I told her two days ago that I thought she was tired of hearing me tell her all that she brings to my life, so I would list out everything I can offer her. I meant to leave the list this morning but, 3 hours of sleep, forgot. She is excited to see what I came up with and we plan to spend most of the weekend together. Fingers crossed! Wish us the best please

[Hooo!]

wish you the best