In love with my best friend, he's got a new girlfriend

[Pandora24]

Hi guys,

So I met this guy a few months back, and I thought we hit it off, but he was dealing with a custody battle and didn't want to be in a relationship. Anyways I made the mistake of telling him that I would never ask him for anything more than friendship, and at one point in a panic, I said that we should never date because I can't lose him and his son for any reason.

I know I screwed up by saying that.

We have become almost inseparable tho, we have spent so much time together it's now a routine for me to be at his place.

He just started dating this new girl, who lives about an hour away and who he doesn't get to see very much. It kills me every day to think about them together, but I'm trying to be happy for them. I told him how I felt on the day they became official because they became official far too quickly. It's like they were rushing into it.

I'm so torn apart by this; I'm glad to see my best friend happy, I'm just heartbroken that it is not with me. And I honestly don't know how to cope some days. I'm trying hard to move on and meet someone new, but it's just so hard with a broken heart.

Any advice on how to fall out of love with someone?

[Kristin99]

Hi! Feelings are a crazy thing. You told him how you felt, so it's a decision he must make. If he stays with his girlfriend, you need to respect their relationship and respect him for being an honorable guy and sticking by his relationship. Although it hurts, his girlfriend will most likely get upset with you constantly being around. If I were in her shoes I would not want someone who is in love with my man in the picture. As much as it hurts, if he stays with her, I would start taking a step back from the friendship to give yourself time to heal.

You said how to fall out of love with someone? Remove yourself from the situation and give yourself time.

Best of luck.

[melancholia]

It's inappropriate to tell someone they've rushed into a relationship, because it's not your relationship to decide how quickly to move things along. I do understand where you're coming from and it must be hard to see him with someone else. However, the fact is, he is with someone else. And unless he reciprocated the feelings you admitted to him on the day he became official with his new girlfriend, you're pretty much SOL until their relationship ends, if it ever does. I agree you should consider taking a step back from the friendship at this point. If you become desperate and try to sabotage his relationship, it will not work out well for you and you could lose him altogether. If you truly are friends with him, then you should be happy for him and put your feelings aside until he comes to you and says he feels the same way about you.

[TheEvilJester]

I wish I could disagree, but I do concur with what the others have said. You'd be best to take a break from him even as a friend. It doesn't have to be good-bye, nor should you treat it as though he's done anything wrong. It's not a punishment to him. It's simply because you care about yourself. If being around him as only a friend has become too painful to you, then you owe it to yourself to remove that pain. Maybe in time you will be able to move on and then you and him can be friends. Or, maybe in time his new relationship won't last and you can revisit the possibility of a relationship, or even just a renewed friendship then.

If you felt you could remain just friends with him and it wouldn't hurt you and wouldn't hold you back from seeking out love elsewhere, then I'd say no harm in trying to remain friends. For now, though, it sounds like it is just too hard on you to do that. So, please care enough about yourself not to hurt yourself like that. Good luck to you. I wish you the best and hope you find the love you are looking for very soon.... whether that winds up being him or somebody else entirely.

[sexylovinghim]

Whew! lets just roll with the punches You pretty much stuck your foot in your mouth and now you have deal with it. You closed the door before he even got a chance to knock. So now he is respecting your wishes, and knocking on another door. You gone have to put your big girl panties on and let that situation be how you wanted to be in the first place.

You can't reject someone and then come trying to interrupt what they are doing. I wouldn't say a word. I would sit on my decision, and let things play out. He didn't break your heart, you broke your own heart by not letting things pan out on their own. Sometimes we have to stop trying to control love, and let it happen.

You could find someone to get under, just to get over him I guess. But it won't be about anything. It won't be fulfilling. It's just you trying to get him off your mind.

NOW-
I'm not the type to respond to anything that I haven't been through. My bestfriend was just that. I didn't want anything else because I didn't want to ruin the relationship. But when he got a girlfriend, my feelings changed. I didn't tell him. But I did get a boyfriend (TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS) He was what I liked to call a "tester boyfriend" I wanted to test my bestfriend and see if he would get jealous about me being with someone else.

And for all you know his girlfriend could be a "tester girlfriend". He could be trying to see if you really have feelings for him. You would be surprised at how many games people play when it comes to relationships. Any who, my tester made him jealous and we ended up dating. It didn't work out, and it messed the friendship up, but for that moment he was mine. So you have to decide which is important, a relationship with him or staying friends for life. Base your actions off that decision and you will be fine. This too shall pass.

[Hooo!]

if you have told him how you feel
what has his answer been?