Significant jewelry from an ex.. Please advise..

[Michael25302]

I really need some advice and this is simply for my own piece of mind to know if I'm being ridiculously jealous or not. I love my girlfriend very much, we live together and are talking about getting married. When we first started dating she told me about her "best friend" she's had since they were 10-years old and later in life were romantically involved.. pretty serious I assume.. Anyway, he lives several states anyway. On Valentines Day I was going to get her a nice necklace but noticed that she always had this silver key necklace on so thinking it might be something significant one of her kids got her so I asked what was the story behind the necklace.. she said her lifelong friend and ex-boyfriend got it for her and that he had a lock that went with it. I don't know if he wears it or not, but the significance was there.. I don't know if I'm being overly jealous or ridiculous but every time I see it around her neck or if she is playing with it, my heart just breaks and it really hurts. She knows exactly how I feel about it and I asked her if she was going to wear it forever.. like when I put an engagement ring on her finger and she said that "the necklace was never going anywhere" it and this "person" have been the subject of many fights and arguments. They talk and text I know probably EVERYDAY. Knowing this upsets me, I will give her credit hat she doesn't answer if he calls WHEN I AM THERE, and rarely texts back WHEN I AM THERE. I do NOT go through her phone but one night it went off, I looked down and I couldn't help but see his text said "Goodnight sweet nurse" All I know it is hurting our relationship and I KNOW, without any shadow of a doubt that now that I am in a serious hopefully lifelong relationship with HER I would NEVER talk to my exes let alone wear something I was given by them. Especially if I knew it bothered her. Maybe I am projecting how I am on to how I "think" she should be to me? Please help!! Talking to her about this does no good. I just do not feel this is appropriate and they both need to move on. In my opinion this is emotional adultry at best.. I'm not saying she NEVER talk or text this person but everyday is excessive. I also know she probably tells him EVERYTHING and confides so he knows how I feel and I think it's very disrespectful to ME by HIM. I think if he truly knows just exactly how much problems he causes and IF he REALLY cares about her and is her "best friend" he will turn his daily attentions elsewhere.

[melancholia]

I think in some ways you are overreacting and in other ways, you're not. I think the issue about the jewelry would seem a lot less significant if she didn't spend so much time talking to him. Honestly, it sounds like you are over thinking the necklace. She probably just likes it a lot and holds emotional value onto it because her friend gave it to her. I don't think she thinks of it as a token of their romantic love, I think she just likes the necklace. If it were an engagement ring that she kept and still wore, I would be a little more suspicious. But a necklace is pretty benign in my opinion.

I think the bigger problem is the fact that she hasn't made any effort to acknowledge your feelings. She seems firm in her choice to keep her friend in her life, and that is fair for her to do so, but she is not seeing how this is affecting you and that it's creating problems for your relationship. I personally don't think being friends with an ex is a big deal, she is obviously in a relationship with you and I doubt there is anything going on between her and the friend; however, you have a problem with it and it's your relationship and so you need to deal with that. I think you need to try talking to her about this again and clearly lay out for her exactly how you feel. I think you should avoid talking about the necklace, but focus more on your feelings surrounding her interactions with this person, and let her know how it makes you feel. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "maybe I am projecting how I am on to how I "think" she should be to me?" Many, many people do this. They take their own intentions and actions and project them onto other people and expect them to act/react the same way we would. Everyone is different, and I think it may be worth a shot if you try to understand her feelings about her friendship with this guy. Maybe if you heard how she feels about the situation, it might appease your negative thoughts and reaffirm your relationship with her.

Only time will tell and you have to see what happens down the road, but you do need to talk to her about this. Best of luck to you.

[pcmaster]

I would rip that shit off her neck and trow it in the river. Do that when you both on bridge. Then buy her something like that only better from yourself. She should have your yewelery around her neck not her ex.

[Stay 2gether]

I hate to say it but it seems as if her heart lies elsewhere because if it lied with you she would have enough respect to tell him not to call or text her anymore she would most definitely be answering the phone around you i mean the fact that she doesn't and you seen that message in her phone should let you know that they are more then friends. Hell for all you know they could be planning on getting back together, whatever it is i don't think its respect for you or your wishes at all. Yes she is very disrespectful and if it was me i would have to let her go since its obvious they are still talking as lovers!! i mean everyday that's excessive and crazy for them to be just friends but either way whatever you do i wish you the best

[Hooo!]

i want her side of the story.
Im torn between: she loves him but cant be with him (for some practical reason)
or

actually im not that torn...

but it depends on what you think to be true. wether you trust her regarding this and her feelings towards you or not.
fact is: if she had feelings for this other men id let her go to him.