Is He Telling The Truth About Why He Doesn't Want Me?

[sharzi66]

Hi everyone,

I was in a situation. I am working with a guy very closely(our department is only 6 people and I and he are on this team). I really started to have feelings for him. I came to USA 4 years ago. I am alone here, I have a friend and I dated short time some guys here, but I tried to not attach to anyone. He just divorced from his wife, but he was separated for 2 -3 years. He has a 5 years old son. He is so kind, so amazing to me. He helps me a lot. I started to like him, then I felt more than like, wanted him, I didn't know what to do, I flirt with him, he would respond, except one time. He still was kind and smiling but I felt he actually do not want this flirtation to continue. I felt embarrassed, I decided to stop, and explain to him the real reason. I told him I have crush on him, because he is nice to me, and I have too few people who are nice and caring to me right now, or ever(not a great background story in my life), but I understand if he doesn't want me, I don't need any respond. But he started to be more nice to me after the letter, he was talking about his son, his ex, his life, until one time we got into an argument(all of these happened in the office, no real date). He got distanced and I gave up. I dated another guy, he was a goo guy, he liked me, but I didn't have any feeling for him, so I ended that. I tried to do my best this time to be close to my co-worker, I was nice to him, I appreciated him, I told him I like his smell. He really showed that he liked these actions, he even did something incredible for me, he created a job, so I can apply for that job, in order to get a sponserhsip to stay in USA. It was too much, he even doesn't have that much power, and he has to deal with a lot of people to actually make that happen, but he is doing that. He still helps me, cares about, worries about me. but one night (4 months after my first letter), out of nowhere he messaged me this:

You've been asking me this week if I'm alright, and I have had a lot on my mind. One thing, in particular, was about something you messaged me in October, about you having a small crush on me. You said you didn't want any answer from me, but I want to make sure we're on the same page with that subject.

I think you're a wonderful person and a good friend, but I want to keep things professional, as just coworkers. I can't think about dating anyone that I work so closely with.

Sorry if this seems to come out of nowhere. I might have been reading some signs wrong, and it might be completely unnecessary for me to say this, but I just wanted you to know.



I told him this in answer:

I appreciate your massage. I can tell you this, that all the signs you have felt and seen from me are completely true. I did all of those because I have a very strong feeling about you, and this feeling that I am talking about is much bigger than what I was telling you before as a “small crush”.
If I told you it is a “small crush”, it was because I was too shy, and I didn’t know how you would react (In my culture, girl doesn’t tell a guy if she has a feeling for him). This time I want to gather all of my courage, and let you know, I have a really really really strong feeling about you and I think no one can have a feeling this strong to you as I have.
But loving someone means I respect his requests and decisions. Even though this is too hard for me, I will try my best to respect your decision, and I will keep the distance as you asked. If you want to this would be my last emotional massage, then it will be. Everything depends on you, but I want you to know in the time I have been working in ORS, all the peace that I had, was from you.
you are a great friend, someone who always has helped me, and listened to me. But this is not the reason I have this strong feeling for you. The reason is the beautiful and unique personality you have, your kind heart, and every beautiful and nice thing that I am seeing in you, and attract me to you.
I will always care about you, but I will respect your decision,

Then he responded this:

I don't even know what I'd want in a relationship, from anyone. my ex and i have been separated for many years and I haven't dated anyone since then.

I appreciate all your kind words , but I think it's best if we just keep things professional, as coworkers



Then he didn't come to work for two days. I have never seen he gets a sick day in the year I have been working there. This was the first time.

I will keep my words for sure, I will respect him, and his decisions.
But I think he actually likes me.
Is he saying the truth about he doesn't want relationship because we are cowroker?

[melancholia]

He doesn't want to date you and you need to respect that. He was very clear in his desire to keep your relationship strictly professional, and he does not want to start a romantic relationship with you. If you keep pushing it, you could jeopardize your job, and that's probably not something you want to have happen. Dating co-workers can be really tricky and is best not to pursue for that reason.

If he says he doesn't want to date you, for any reason, it's best to take his word for it.

[MartinOhm]

Yeah it is best to not date that man.