Not over her ex

[Snook]

I went on a date two months ago and from the first time we met it felt like we had known each other for years. We've spent the last seven weekends together however about two weeks into our relationship she was honest with me and told me she wasn't over her ex. She's not a bad person she thought she was but it turned out not to be the case. I told her we could hang out as friends and she wanted to do that. Last weekend I had to be honest with her and I told her that I had developed strong feelings for her. When we are together there is no awkward pauses and we laugh to the point of crying more often than not. She is still not over her ex so I told her I had to be honest with myself and could no longer hang out with her. It crushed me to take this position and it's very hard to stick with it because she still wants to hang out. Do you think I'm doing the right thing??

[shrah25]

I went on a date two months ago and from the first time we met it felt like we had known each other for years. We've spent the last seven weekends together however about two weeks into our relationship she was honest with me and told me she wasn't over her ex. She's not a bad person she thought she was but it turned out not to be the case. I told her we could hang out as friends and she wanted to do that. Last weekend I had to be honest with her and I told her that I had developed strong feelings for her. When we are together there is no awkward pauses and we laugh to the point of crying more often than not. She is still not over her ex so I told her I had to be honest with myself and could no longer hang out with her. It crushed me to take this position and it's very hard to stick with it because she still wants to hang out. Do you think I'm doing the right thing??

Hi [MENTION=85450]Snook[/MENTION]

Thanks for your post and your honesty.

I have to say - I really admire what you have done. Reason being is that most people who are in your position end up sticking around and living in all sorts of false hope at the expense of their own happiness. These sorts of situations are extremely tempting to stay put with. Every day, you live in hope but often, it just continues to create more and more pain.
That level of authenticity and honesty that you are showing will hold you in good stead long term - well done my friend.

Now for you, it's about doing the necessary work on yourself to heal the wounds that you have. It can sometimes be a challenge but you can definitely move forward and I have no doubt you will.
Then the friendship can be restored but from the right place.

Hope that makes sense.

Thanks

[Hooo!]

i dont see why you two cant hang out

you are and stay authentic. (and that is - like said above - really really awesome!)
You continue to seduce her and to feel for her.
She obviously does not mind and want you to continue doing just that

if she says she is not "over" her ex that could mean a load of things. It could mean that she is hesistant and hurt
it could mean she is hesitating because she doesnt wanna be a "flit"
it could mean she still has good feelings toward her last partner - which is natural because he obviously wasnt a bad person
it could mean she is not sure regarding you
it could mean that her ex gave her something that you dont (usually that is domination if the old partner was a "bad guy") could be something else however
it could mean something else entirely
it could mean she wants to take it slow
it could mean she is afraid of love
it could mean she physically misses his presense (what shouldnt be a surprise if they were together for a long time)
it could be a combination of the things above

it is only "bad" if she still "wants to get back together" with her ex.

You want to seduce her because you have feelings for her
she knows that
the best way for you is to spend time with her then.
However that bears the risk for you getting hurt.

So if i were you i would set boundaries.
I would tell her that I hurt if i am with her and cant be really with her. So I would always continue to seduce her when we were with each other.
Also there may come the time when you cant take it anymore, because you will not "wait" for forever.
Also if she still wants to get back together with the other man she should not spend time with you and hurt you in the end.