What Do I Do? I Cant Let Her Go...

[Nathan1993]

Hello All,

I am in a very sticky situation and any advise is really helpful in this situation.

So I have known this girl for almost 2 years, we have been very good friends and really close! Over the last 3-4 months we have got a lot more close to a point she admitted to falling for me and really liked me. We kissed for the first time around 2 months ago and I had also fallen for her as she is incredible. We have been so close, got on so well and loved each others company. However and a big however! She has a boyfriend. The reason why she hasn't finished it with him yet is because they have been together 3 years and as he is on holiday for 3 weeks she didn't want to just text him.

Last week she was house sitting for a friend of hers so was home alone and asked me to stay for the week, which I of course jumped at the chance as I saw it as an opportunity to get closer to her. We had an amazing 4-5 days together and I done all I could to show her just how much she meant to me, I cooked her dinner, ran a cute bath with rose petals and candles spelling her name (proper gay I know haha) but little things like that which she said she loved! It came to the point she text her friend saying she had to finish it with her boyfriend NOW as she really liked me. We did cross the line and sleep together a few times during the days together which I know is awful because of her boyfriend. However as far as I was aware when she ended it with her boyfriend we would of been together as that's basically what she was saying.

HOWEVER my nightmare struck. I went home a day earlier for work reasons and on Sunday night she went out with a friend and ended up sleeping with a stranger! I am absolutely heart broken and hurt because I care about her as we have been friends for almost 2 years! So it really did hurt and still does now. However as we are not technically 'together' at the minute I didn't know what to say!

This said I met up with her last night as we needed to talk. We spoke for 3-4 hours about the situation and she said she never expected us to become to attached and close. However she knows she will be finishing with her boyfriend when he returns off holiday. That said she said she needed time to sort her head out without diving into another commitment and didn't want to 'drag me along' or expect me to 'wait for her' .... She said she loves me and really does care about me and made the biggest mistake she could of done but she wants time to be the 19 year old she is and just enjoy life before deciding what she wants. She did say 'I don't want to say it will never happen' between us as she does love me, but is that a cover up? Would she like to be with me like she said only a few days ago. She told her friends about me, the lot! So what do I do? If I hadn't of found out about her sleeping with someone I think we would of carried on as normal.

I am so hurt and care about her so much that I am struggling to let go, as much as I should. I love her and love her alot but I feel like the bad guy even though I didnt make the mistake she made. But what can I say to her? I want to tell her that I want to be with her, do all I can for her but I just need clarification on what she wants!

What do I say to her? I will reply and keep you guys posted on this this goes.....



I know the easy thing is to say leave her, dump her and ignore her, which in any nother circumstance I would! but I really am finding it hard to on this occassion because I have known her for a long time, we have always been close and she admitted she made a massive mistake and ****ed up and was never going to hide it from me

[Mmd]

I know it must feel like you need to be with her but at the end of the day, she is not loyal. Not only did she cheat on her boyfriend with you, but also with another person.
If she does not want to be with you there is nothing you can do about it. It sucks, I know, but you'll get over her. If it's meant to be, she'll realize and come back to you but if you try every second to win her back when she doesn't want you she probably won't.
Sorry this situation is really hard but it'll get better.

[BlingBlong]

I agree with Mmd on this. It's hard when you're so young, especially around a break-up. The person isn't gonna want to jump from a 3 year relationship 16-19, into another one with someone she seems to genuinely have feelings for (you). The order of operations is important here, you should have drawn the line and set a precedent, otherwise the same thing was bound to come around and bite you in the butt when it comes to the cheating thing. It's hard, I've made that mistake, but trust is really important in relationships, and when a person doesn't take the time to be forthright with the person they're dating, how would you ever feel comfortable dating this person and going on holiday? I know it's hard and you won't be able to completely leave this girl alone, I'm thinking she'll want to hang out and be with you too if you give it some distance. But know that the next little bit is going to be a volatile time for her and she probably should date for a while before jumping into another thing.

IMPORTANT: Make sure you're listening to her. She was scared because it got too serious with you too fast. I think it would be in your best interest if you really care about this girl to give her space, don't stop talking to her or anything. But date, if she's going to go have a good time, you should too! If you date other people while still talking to her it does triple duty - you're giving her space - you're safeguarding your emotions a bit - and you're making yourself more desirable by showing her that you are independent and desirable, that you aren't just gonna be hanging out and fawning over her "waiting for her" as she put it.

Sorry if there are any redundancies here. Hope this helps!!

[Hooo!]

I am not sure you understood the problem.
The problem is not that she has a boyfriend
The problem is that she wants to whore around for some time. Enjoy men and life.
If you want to be one of those men then i don't see your problem.

It could be that you expected her to be a monogamous girl who would not slut around.
And maybe you Thought her to be this person.
In that case your mental image of her is just wrong. The person you thought she was never even existed. (Only in your Head)