Recent breakup. Need feedback.

[Ladydi]

Broke up with my man a week ago. He came to get his stuff and he still has some things here. Background, we were together about 17 months and lived together, this is my place. I had suspected for a very long time He was cheating and I got confirmation he was and the girl He was cheating with knew about me and she obviously didn't care. He said he would contact me after Easter to collect the rest of his stuff. Easter night, being late and he was very drunk, he called me after getting into a fight so being the nice person I am, he came over and stayed the night. He left that morning, called me again later that same evening drunk again and he came over. Didn't leave till almost 9pm. Two nights ago he called me drunk but not as bad and he stayed the night, we did mess around but that's because i wanted to and I did initiate that. I'm curious why he isn't calling this woman he's been cheating on me with. Since he tells her he loves her so much and wants to spend so this time with her. They were sneaking off to hotels to spend time together, she pays for everything because he's not working. I think her living situation is such that he can't be where she lives all time. I think they are plannong on moving in together, and she will see what I put up with, hahaha. He has initiated all the contact since we broke up but he always seems to need something. He hasn't mentioned getting back together, which I'm not interested in at all. His cheating and lying has caused to much damage. To this day he still denies cheating on me. What could be his possible motivation and since he told this other woman he wanted to leave anyway and that,I'm the weird one why not call her since she is the one he obviously wants to be with, which is,fine by me. I'm fine with being friendly but getting back together is not an option. Any feedback is appreciated. Please be serious. And I know I better off

[shrah25]

Broke up with my man a week ago. He came to get his stuff and he still has some things here. Background, we were together about 17 months and lived together, this is my place. I had suspected for a very long time He was cheating and I got confirmation he was and the girl He was cheating with knew about me and she obviously didn't care. He said he would contact me after Easter to collect the rest of his stuff. Easter night, being late and he was very drunk, he called me after getting into a fight so being the nice person I am, he came over and stayed the night. He left that morning, called me again later that same evening drunk again and he came over. Didn't leave till almost 9pm. Two nights ago he called me drunk but not as bad and he stayed the night, we did mess around but that's because i wanted to and I did initiate that. I'm curious why he isn't calling this woman he's been cheating on me with. Since he tells her he loves her so much and wants to spend so this time with her. They were sneaking off to hotels to spend time together, she pays for everything because he's not working. I think her living situation is such that he can't be where she lives all time. I think they are plannong on moving in together, and she will see what I put up with, hahaha. He has initiated all the contact since we broke up but he always seems to need something. He hasn't mentioned getting back together, which I'm not interested in at all. His cheating and lying has caused to much damage. To this day he still denies cheating on me. What could be his possible motivation and since he told this other woman he wanted to leave anyway and that,I'm the weird one why not call her since she is the one he obviously wants to be with, which is,fine by me. I'm fine with being friendly but getting back together is not an option. Any feedback is appreciated. Please be serious. And I know I better off

Hi [MENTION=85489]Ladydi[/MENTION]

So just to be clear, you're not wanting to get back with him - you just want clarity on why he's acting the way he is?

If so, then here it is. I'm generalising here and sometimes there are exceptions to the rule, but so many guys I have come across end up acting in similar ways to the way your ex has been behaving. When some guys cheat, believe it or not, but they do have a bit of a conscience and that causes them to harbour some feelings of guilt. This then causes them to go running back and try and restore the feelings of approval and acceptance that have been affected. Guys really battle with rejection - it affects them at the deepest level and if he is feeling that right now from you, he will want to make sure that he fixes that quick smart. Alcohol can get involved to deal with the 'head trash' that is going on in their mind.

As I said, sometimes there are exceptions. Maybe him and his new girl are having problems and then he's trying to get it on with you again...it's hard to be sure as I don't know the guy but it is a possibility.

If this sort of behaviour is really affecting you, then you need to make sure that you don't get lured into messing around with him cause that will only give him reason to keep in contact with you. You sound like a strong, independent woman so make sure you set your boundaries here to ensure you don't get played here. That's really important here.

I hope that makes sense.

Any questions, please let me know.

cheers