Why is this so darn complicated?
Okay, we did have a problem before with not seeing eachother, it came up again...he said that was a part of this reason as to the breakup..Honestly, I don't really think it's someone else..not because I don't want it to be, it's just something that he'd never do to anyone period..very strong morals in that sense.
I've known him for 3 years, were together for almost two. Bascially we complimented eachother..he has the idea that throughout a whole relationship you are suppose to feel a "spark"..I'll admit there were times I kind of wondered..but that is natural..I always assumed that you talk about things, and try to work them outbefore it gets to this point.
I don't hate him, at all. I could never hate him. I love him very much still, and it seems like sadly it's growing each damn day. I miss him, God do I miss him. It's been almost two weeks. I can't even really cry, I feel slightly numb.
He was like my best friend, right now we are not talking. He said he's/was depressed, feels like nothing is really going right in his life everything is off, he needs time, time to think, he needs space, time to himself.
We did talk a few days after it happened, even though everyone said I shouldn't talk to him. But damn I just missed him. I was upset at how he went about it..again..he can't seem to deal with his emotions, he seems too afraid of them.
He said he doesn't feel the same, yet he refused to talk about what happened. I wanted to talk about it so I could or attempt to move on. His excuse was, "it bothers me too much, I can't. I need to get my mind off ofit." I tried to send him an email, he didn't want to read it, said he "wasn't emotionally ready."
I don't understand, I feel like I need to talk about it with him, why does it bother him too? We did talk shortly after that and it was fine we were friends, I asked him if he wanted to hang out he said yes. I felt bad so bad that was when I tried to talk to him about what had happened.
I told him I wasn't trying to force him to feel anything, I had told him I felt the wayhe was feeling for with depression, and that this didn't have anything to do with me at all. I told him, I didn't want him to regret this, he said he would anyway.
We haven't really talked in a week, I just needed to know how he was doing that was when he responded fine, and he needs space.
It's not like I'm wishing for something..I guess part of me does..I'mnot trying to read more into anything. I want to hate him, I want to be angry, but no matter how hard I try..I can't be angry. I feel inconsolable at times about it.
I want to believe there is someone else, so I can say "Screw him", but I honestly don't believe there is.
I just want a reason to be angry at him. I attempted to you know go on a date or two, but so much damn guilty hit me.
Why is that? I have all these feelings, I've never experienced before, and I don't understand them. It's not like I am just desperately hoping. I do feel like a fool for caring so much.
Of course, I've talked to people, but got the same answer, "f**k him, don't talk to him, cut your losses", I don't know. I feel he is being selfish,and letting whatever problems he has ruin his life.
I am not trying to make excuses for him at all.
Don't get me wrong. Sadly, it just feels like it isn't over at all..once again I'm honestly not sitting here hoping..it just seems like there is even more to it.
I guess a part of me is angry, and I thought if/when he did talk tome what would I say? I don't see him as an ass, or a horrible person, or a person with problems, or a person that isn't successful. I just seem him as he could be...a success..He is so talented, and intelligent. I hope he does see it.
I know maybe I can love again, but it will not be the same. I have never settled. He said the same thing, then am I missing something? He doesn't feel the same way, so why in the hell even say that?
:sad2:
