Should I leave it at that....I miss him !

Hi All,

I'm hoping for some advice here and first time on the site, so fingers crossed.

Me and my partner are both 43, so not youngsters, but you'd think it the way we're carrying on...this is so silly !

To give you a bit of history....we met 4 years ago on the last-but-one-night of his holiday in the Canaries. He had gone away on his own, and i was with a group. When we got back we started to see each other he lives only about 40 mins from me. He was divorced only about a year earlier with 3 young children. I am divorced as well, but a long time ago about 10 years, and no kids. About 3 months later he finished with me over the phone saying he was sorry but he couldn't do another relationship. I was really upset, overly so, I thought I'd met somebody I really liked after years of being single. But I said "OK, no problem, I understand" and left it at that.

We then kept in touch, I'd get texts from him occasionally, and then about 6 months later he rang up and asked me if I'd like to go on holiday, with no strings. We had the most fantastic week away ever, and basically I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He was really affectionate, holding my hand everywhere etc. He told me he'd had a vasectomy and couldn't have any more kids, and i was secretly quite annoyed at that, felt it wasn't fair, he was a great dad, and it would have been perfect if things worked out for us to have our own. But i came to terms with it in my own head. He also said he'd never try to have it reversed.

Anyway we get back and meet up at few times, and he introduces me to a friend couple of his and we go out and have a nice time etc., then he's away for a month and then he sends me an email saying he's not sure we should see each other because he doesn't know where he's up to and not sure he can see a smoker. So, although mad at him, felt messed around, and upset again because i really like him, I have to leave it again at that.

We had conversations at the time about how he is scared to get into another relationship etc., and by this time I've met his kids, and his Mum, and he tells me he really likes me. We then get back together again and I end up finishing it with him because he needs to get his head straight. Looking back over my shoulder he looked really upset. I ring him later to make sure he is OK and he is upset, what is wrong with him he says etc. etc. I try to help him out by talking. We meet up weeks later and I jokingly say if he was to get serious on me, I'd run a mile, at that point i did think that. This time we're back together again and he tells me he seriously loves me. He was the first to say it. So this keeps happening on-off, on-off, for the last 4 years.

We've had a patch lately where we've been properly "on", and in a loving relationship. We both know how we feel about each other and of course I started looking to the future. I'd like us to buy a house together, he lives near semi rural areas which i could locate to. He wasn't sure but said we could if things work out. In the meantime however I was concerned that he wasn't telling his friends we were on again, and what's more he wasn't keen on me getting involved with his kids in case, he said, we didn't work out.

In the last few weeks I've had stress at work, I'm basically on the line at work with non sales performance, due to the economy, and I got offered 2 other jobs. I didn't know which one to take , or whether to stay where I am, and I felt he wasn't listening properly to me, he had come round to make dinner, and he was concentrating on that. He says he was listening, but he wasn't giving it the attention I felt i needed, it was a stressful time, I could end up with no job if I'm not careful. He came round the following night and was tired, so we couldn't talk, in the morning he was in a rush to go to work, so we couldn't talk. He went to kiss me on the cheek and i turned my cheek away. I texted him later with some good news on 1 of the jobs, and he didn't reply. I sent him another text trying to explain why I had turned my cheek away. No reply. One of my texts said he didn't really love me or he would be helping me. and it said "bye". He replied back the next day saying that for one reason or another it wasn't working out, we weren' the perfect couple, and he wished me well with the job thing. I replied back after a while "Ok, i love u" he replied back "love u2" Bearing in mind we'd had a conversation only about a week ago about how we are going for this, and we love each other, I rang him and he said he was unsure....that he loved me and i am his best friend but he has reservations....i pulled out of him what they are; he said 1) i ramble on with repeat conversations, 2) i am too persistent in getting answers from him on things 3) i smoke, and 4) not enough hows-your-father.

These to me do not seem serious things; yes i probably ramble on, but don't all women? and he does listen to everything i say, yes i am persistent but only because he is so evasive about his enthusiasm on our relationship, yet is very demonstrative and loving and makes me nice meals. I said was this really worth splitting up over, after all we've been through and how well we've done getting so far, and he was unsure. It always seems to be me making the moves, always me ringing him, organsing a holiday earlier this year, (which we had a row on), and he says he just wants a peaceful life and the perfect relationship. On our phone conversation i said to him how i felt, i also said that our problems are because of his reservations and that i was leaving the ball in his court.

I am sorry this is so long, but should i leave it at that ? Or should i offer to go round and talk ? It's hard because im the type to take the bull by the horn and sort thing out straightaway, not to leave it in the air. I'm really worried this is it now and final.

Thank you for any advice.