Please help, my head is spinning!

Hi All,

I just wanted any feedback about my situation as I feel like I am slowly spiralling out of control and do not what to do about my relationship.

I have been with my boyfriend to 6 months now, I'm 30, he's 33. We have fallen in love but recently have been constantly arguing about other females that are in his life. Just to give you a breakdown of the situation, he has 2 female best friends, one he has slept with, one who was in love with him for 10 years, he works with an ex girlfriend who was an older woman who I found naked pictures of her on his computer when I first started seeing him. Recently I have also found out he has been looking at a lot of Milf porn on the internet, and always the same woman. He says he has a low sex drive, but then I find he has been looking at all of this. We do have good sex, but maybe once a week.

He has convinced me that I am insanely jealous so much that I have now started to see a therapist, which has only slightly helped, more for me to vent than anything.

What annoys me is that I feel like I am being so unreasonable by being annoyed or threatened by these things. His female friends text him and email him a lot. I also found text messages he has sent to one of them calling her a pet name. He wants me to accept also him being friends with an ex lover, who is now just a 'friend' as well.

Last week we had an argument because we were going for a drink to his workplace but he told me he would have to tell his ex first as she would be 'shocked' to see me with him and she would be uncomfortable because they had a bad break up.

I am completely torn because I have fallen in love with him but I also feel like I am having to contend with a lot.

I would appreciate anyone's advice or comments.

Thank you!

You're going to get a lot of flack for being "insecure" in this thread, so brace yourself.

I won't be one of the people giving it to you, though. I think your boyfriend is not ready to act like he's in a committed relationship. You're joining a harem, it sounds like. I think you're being a total fool, opening yourself up to falling for him so completely when it's written as clear as day on the wall right in front of you that he's got all sorts of baggage and drama swirling all around. I envision him covered in a pile of panties.

You should be a lot more reserved about your expectations of this relationship.

It's funny because when I've read that back I realise how ridiculous it all sounds. That does make a lot of sense what you have said, him not wanting to appear in a committed relationship especially. I think I need to go with my head rather than my heart and trust my gut instinct which is telling me in the long run I will get hurt. I appreciate I may have come across as an insecure chick, but come on, you have to be a strong character to not be affected by any of that stuff!

Think of it this way: have you ever heard of a guy that would accept the situation in reverse? If so, did the first word that popped into your head sound like "eunuch" or "doormat"?

Why should women be any different?