I need to resolve some personal issues

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02-01-10, 03:38 PM
Paul82209

I need to resolve some personal issues

I need some help and if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated...and excuse me if I ramble...

I met my girlfriend back at the end of August. I, not having many friends, was amazed that someone would even consider a guy like me. Within 2 weeks of dating, we obviously started to find out more about each other, but i found out even more, like how she was a party animal, smoked, drank, and eventually ended up having drunk sex with her one ex and having a daughter that she adopted out to her friends. I, however, am a straight-laced anti-drug workaholic college student that is two weeks older than her...

Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything and I know she loves me too, but I can't help thinking about what she has told me about what she did in the past three years, and we cannot hold a conversation about children without her 7 month old daughter coming into the picture.

However, several thoughts that have popped into my head include:

If her and I have children, will she favor her first born over mine?
Did she enjoy doing what she did in her past?
Would I be any better off trying to do what she did because I feel like sh*t all of the time?

I can't talk to my parents about this and her and I have tried to talk this over before but I don't know where else to go and no money for a psychologist...Any comments???

P.S. I know I am a deeply troubled man and I always have been because of things that have happened in my past, and this all just puts fuel in the fire...
02-01-10, 06:44 PM
irrelevant_89

Right... so she is, or at least used to be, this really wild, reckless character, while you are straight-edge and maybe a little uptight... I don't know, at first sight it doesn't sound like a match made in heaven, but only you can decide if it works, and you seem to believe it does. Very well. So on to your questions:

- normal women should love all their children equally, and anyway I'd find it really weird if she'd favour the product of one drunken sex night that she adopted out over your eventual children;

- I think only she will know that. Perhaps she took that lifestyle because of some deep issues in her past (earlier past that is), or she was just kinda crazy back then (no offense). Can't you talk with her about this?

- God no. You seem to be a good guy with all the right ideas, just do what feels right to you. No need to be extremely uptight either, but don't go out smoking, drinking and partying out just because she does/did it. You don't need to do these things to be happy. As cliché as it may sound, be yourself man.

(disclaimer: this is just my opinion. I'm really inexperienced in love issues... bleh)
06-01-10, 07:41 AM
Primo

She's a head case full of baggage and problems. You know that going in, so if you get involved you can't blame anyone but yourself.
07-01-10, 07:22 AM
IncognitoSir

Quote:

Originally Posted by Primo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She's a head case full of baggage and problems. You know that going in, so if you get involved you can't blame anyone but yourself.

This is the harsh reality of the situation. I speak from experience. My gf (should I say ex, we"re on a break) in the past was a drugg attic, alcoholic, manipulator, liar, thief, and had more issues than I care to mention. She still has a lot of issues and always will. She put all this out on the table for me at the start of our relationship, jus like your gf did. THAT is the trust factor. Right then, I decided I would not judge her by her past, but where she is right now. If you love her, you will and can get past her past, but if it really bothers you that much, you shouldnt waste your time. I'm a pretty stand up guy, uptight I am not, but I prefer not to make retarded decisions in life, atleast not knowingly. That being said, SHE was attracted to me because of these things. I'de be willing to bet that you poses some of these same excellent qualities and that's probably why your gf was attracted to you in the first place. Take a good look at the situation, does she make you happy? Is her past hurting you? I think you should stay away from all the hypothetical questions and thoughts but take a nice long look at what you have right in front of you. The woman of my dreams used to be addiced to cocaine, alcohol, weed, pills, and was a total headcase, but thats all in her past. Leave it all in the past my friend. I know it may be hard to believe, but people change......for the better.
07-01-10, 11:49 PM
Gigabitch

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul82209 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If her and I have children, will she favor her first born over mine?

Of course not. What an asinine question.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul82209 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did she enjoy doing what she did in her past?

Clearly, or she wouldn't have done it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul82209 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Would I be any better off trying to do what she did because I feel like sh*t all of the time?

What kind of sense does that make?

Look, I understand that you're all freaked out right now, but you need to get a grip. You think you feel like shit all the time? I can only imagine how she feels. Here she is, trying to turn over a new leaf and change her life for the better and you are holding onto the past with the tenacity of a pit bull.

I think she's wasting her time with you. You sound like a 10th grader at Bible camp. I can't imagine a more mismatched couple. She needs help, not your supercilious judgments.