Im sure shes my soulmate

So, i just got dumped by my girlfriend

The details
Been together would be 13 months on the 9th
I'm 21, shes 18
Wed been out before 3 years ago for a few weeks
Not the smoothest of relationships but better than most I've known
And i'm not ashamed to say i lost my virginity to her.
(I was waiting for the right person and she was it)

The breakup:
2 maybe 3 weeks ago i started to noticing how much she was being texted/talked to by this guy from her work, i'm generally good at reading people, i thought he had a thing for her, i was proven right.

I complained about how much shed text him back while we were together. She got mad for me being jealous. I trust her not to be doing anything bad. But i did want to know why it was so pressing to reply to him when she was with me, and why she hadn't just shot him down already.

Saturday came, she was meant to be going out with friends on a hiking type thing, it was canceled. She then end on a night out with a girl from her work, shed called me to tell me, and let me know the guy i didnt like from her work wasnt going, i was fine with her going out anyway but i felt it abit nice she new it would bother me

Her phone was low on battery but she said shed turn it off to make sure shed have enough to let me know shed got home to her friends safe.
I stayed up late hoping for the text.
Never got it, so went to sleep.
Woke up mid day sunday, still nothing, and id been expecting to see her.
I got a lil worried, i checked my facebook, nothing, i tried to call her, nothing.
I gave it a lil while, then still worried, went onto her facebook to see if her work mate had got in ok with her. I then found that the friend had been at the A+E at the hospital! ust as i was wondering what i could do next, she came online... i was relieved. She however was pissed off
I had apparently gone behind her back in trying to make sure she was ok with her facebook
(we know each other passwords, i didnt have to hack it)

she was rly mad so, i gave her some time to calm down
later on i tried talking to her to say good night, it turned into an argument, she was just in one of them moods

monday came, and id sent her an apology on facebook cause shed be at work, then i drove into the city to pick her up (ive not been driving long, i did it for her, id not driven in the rush hour yet
she was still mad "why would i wanna see you after last nights argument" anyway i drover her home, we talked abit, and she said to text her in a couple of days
damn did time go slow after that, since then ive been unable to sleep right, i cant eat, im having chest pains and feeling sick
midday tuesday... 1 dayinto my couple of days, i couldnt handle it i text her, saying i hoped shed had a good day and if she was rdy to tlk to me, if not, ignore it. no reply, i thought shed ignored
in the evening, a while after getting home and online, she confronted me
saying id ruined any chance of us sorting it out cause i couldnt "handle a simple thing she asked" not being able to talk to ur girlfriend/bestfriend when you need them most isnt simple tbh :(
she just kept getting mad, said i couldnt text or call, and tbh i didnt wanna try sorting stuff over msn
so, i drove to hers
she had the typical blank "i dnt give a shit look" we argued, i tried to convince her we should work through it but then it got onto why one of my texts had mentioned self harm. she accused me of trying to guilt her, i wasnt its just a state of fact, right now, i do want to end it, 2 weeks ago i lost my nana, no ive just lost my girlfriend, uni is in a pile of shit thnx to the death of my nana and now money problems so yeah, ive never been closer to doing it
she accused me of just saying it.
i pointed out that i was actually ready to step infront of a car (we were outside her house). she changed then, she burst into tears, like ive never seen before. she doesnt tend to get upset over me
she made me promise eventually not to hurt myself, and, i love her, im going to keep my promise

but i do wish shed been as upset at losing me in general not just me dieing.
she convinced me to go home, but, thats it, were over
shes said to give her a few days b4 i try to talk to her
she does tbh have alot on her plate atm, exams, the anniversary of her friends death, the end of her current job and now this.

so, thats what happened

The past:
Summer last year, wed been having some arguments and stuff, and shed been having even worse at home, to the point she left and stayed with other family. she then went off the rails, she went on a night out, and ended up cheating on me, lied about it, but it eventually came out, she started smoking alot, and drinking way too much. We argued big style as, and after, we broke up. but we couldnt keep away from each other, and i realised i couldnt give up on her. i didnt and we eventually ended up back together and were much happier for it, all until now =/

Way further back, 3 years ago, wed gone out for about 3 weeks b4 breaking up, it was short but sweet

Honestly, I think shes my soulmate, that were meant to be together. But ofc this is a mess

Id do anything to have her back, and i will do anything, atm all i can do is wait for her life to settle abit and then try and remind her what we had
but after we broke up today i saw on her fb some ppl she had told she thinks this is it for good
but she had said that last year. and we havnt done anything about the ties we have now, we have a pet together (a hamster, but still)
she has numerous items of clothing of mine, ive got her valentines present alrdy shipping, im paying her phone bill currently and ofc all the kinda promises we've made to each other

idk what advice i can get but il take any right now
friends are hard to come by at 1:33am =/