I'm stuck in between I hate him, I love him he's not a bad person I don't think?
I've known him for like 3 years almost now, we have been through or sometimes put each other through some bad stuff, some crazy stuff, funny stuff, not funny, angry obscure strange and rage-ful events, things.
Anyway, his friend told me never to make any physical contact with him cause he said he doesn't like me and stuff and that's when he started treating me like I am invisible and then I stopped messing with him but I left one last email on his Facebook saying how I don't like when he calls me invisible and I don't like his friends treating bad I don't know if he got it or not he never replies back on Facebook (to me) and he rarely gets on.
But lately we ride the bus home and he sits all the way in the back all of a sudden now I haven't messed with him in a while but all of sudden he's like at the back of the bus and seems kinda sad he's not sitting with his friend and his friends is just sitting up in the front and talking with us or his other friends but the boy has just been in the back of the bus alone. And I was worried about him and I don't know how he feels or how he feels about me.
But I didn't want to make any assumptions so I made him a card that basically said that I am concerned about him and if there is anything wrong that he has the option to call me if he would like the choice is his of course and he kinda got mad and said this.
Your Running My F****ing Life?
And after he said this I didn't mess with him for like 1-2 weeks , but the real thing I didn't understand was that I haven't been messing with him for like over a month I've been doing good you I just missed him a little and I was concerned and stuff. In those 1-2 weeks we did stare at each other sometimes he kinda look at me and I would look at me from the front of the bus and I just wondered and wondered. Then I thought maybe I the decorative note made him feel l uncomfortable so I decide to wait 1-2 weeks and to see apologize maybe.
He doesn't really like talking to me he has never approached me before he kinda acts like he hates me and wants me to die,and he sometimes even acts like I'm invisible and stuff he kinda of a weird boy he's Chinese-American, he keeps to himself a lot kinda shy and stuff I met him in 7th grade now were in 9th. he just seems to just hate me and no one else I don't know. sometimes though there's like this part of me that feel like he doesn't really hate me but doesn't wanna admit or something.
something just doesn't feel right.
So today for the first time in a long time I went to the back of the bus and tried to apologize and see what happens I get back there and he has head phones on and on his phone and Im trying to talk to him and apologize and he talks about how much he hates me, how I need to leave him a lone and he tells me to this that leave and He's like overreacting and he tries to out of nowhere push me out the seat Im like hold on you gonna give yourself a heart attack just can I talk and Im like trying to be chill stay calm and just kinda talk he starts being that weird person he is and we end up arguing and Im just like.
I haven't messed with him for months and he doesn't even acknowledged it and he says he hates me and so on and I don't slap him or not I just push my palm against his face like an open smack kinda but not hard just kinda medium soft. I was expecting him to slap me back or just to slap me but he didn't he just looked at me and said "Harassment" which of course wasn't true at all.
Then I finally ask him WHY, why does he hate me so much and what did I do to make him hate me and he couldn't even really answer me he was so vague and I haven't been messing with him for awhile so he can't say that Im annoying or anything I think but anyway yeah.
Well towards the end of school few days ago we were on the bus and I was talking to the bus driver and he and his other friends were there and I was talking to him bus driver how I loved and cared about him and my feelings for him and how I care write letters etc. And how it's frustrating sometimes being with him but how I make due.
The boy heard this and I told him that I loved him and he said nothing but up his middle finger towards me and started cursing and whispering to himself. The bus driver said cant he be nice to you and the boy said I'm annoying.
After the confession
All his friends said I embarrassed him angered him
He didn't come to school the last 2 days.
But my mom said maybe I could just be his first love?
