She'll break up with me if I don't f*ck her.

That's not exactly what she said, but that's what it boils down to.

We were just walkin', talkin' about sexual things, and she brought up how I said that I wasn't ready to have sex because I didn't think it was worth the risk. Basically, her question was: When do you think you'll be ready? Because when we talked before, it sounded like you wouldn't be ready to have sex until you're ready to have kids...but that wouldn't be until you've gotten married...and that'll be like in what...another 10 years?

I hadn't thought about it that way before...but she was kinda right. I just haven't thought sex was worth the risk...at all. Even after taking precautions.

"if you tell me you don't wanna have sex until like, I'm 35, and you're 31? I think I'd have to say that's a dealbreaker"

"I'd regret it if I missed out on having sex in my 20's."
"Well...you're already 25."
"Exactly!"

Ugh...so now basically...if I don't put it to this girl, she's gonna be all disgruntled.

That's so gay.

I should be excited! 3 or 4 years ago I'd be swimming in the clouds right now! My girlfriend is practically begging me to f*ck her brains out and I'm too worried about babies, and apartments, and finding a job, and the lack of 24 hour convenience stores and nerds to play videogames with.

Why not just make love to her? Use a condom and take some risks for her. If you two really love each other than it should be an amazing experience and worth it. Condoms, when used properly seriously reduce the chance of pregnancy by so much that I wouldn't even care. So is there some other reason you don't want too? Those other problems aren't going anywhere...you should wake up to the same world after words ....just maybe one in where your girlfriend is actually happy. You two have been together for a long time now right?

OMG WTF AM I SAYING?! Keep her a virgin! cause they are disappearing and I won't find one ... why am I not OV anymore?!

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Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why not just make love to her? Use a condom and take some risks for her. If you two really love each other than it should be an amazing experience and worth it. Condoms, when used properly seriously reduce the chance of pregnancy by so much that I wouldn't even care.

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I can attest to this.. I've used condoms my whole life.. and never once have they broke.. not a single time.. not a rip.. not one time where i've had a call saying "I don't feel so good, I think i'm feeling sick.. can you come over.. "awkward pause".. and before you come over, do you think you can run to the pharmacy and pick up a pregnancy test.. just in case"

It's seriously never happened.. and i'm STD-free (if she's your gf, and you're both tested and clean, that's not even an issue)

Now, either i'm very lucky and I should go play the lotto (which i'm not).. or.. more likely the case.. condoms do their job and work..

But IF.. "if".. BIG "if"... if they happen to fail.. and she ends up getting pregnant.. medical advances have made it such that you can sleep easy just the "morning after".. that's right.. the morning after pill.. just let her pop them like tic-tacs (that's a joke, just take one).. and it's not an issue..

Do you guys at least have oral sex?

If you're both STD-free (get her tested, you never know! I think it's actually kind of romantic and trust-building when two people get tested together and get the results while they're next to eachother.. it adds a whole new level of comfort).. at least give the girl a good old clitorage (google it)

You have to admit.. you are being a little selfish here.. I've talked Catholic girls into having sex.. I've talked dreamer fantasy-land "i'm not having sex until I find Mr. Right, and we get married" girls into having sex.. But i'm not about to talk you into anything Fras.. Not because I don't want to see your gf happy.. but because you're a grown man.. You have the mental maturity to come to the realization that you should consider how she feels and what she needs (sexually) a little more seriously.. That a large part about loving her, is making her feel great.. and a large part of both of those, is satisfying her sexually.. (which you will do at this point even if your d*ck is made out of Jello.. she wants it really bad.. you can't possibly fcuk up.. seriously.. don't bother thinking about ways you can fcuk up.. you can't.. no way..)

Just do it dude

Babies and accidents is all in your head. Even if you are lousily careful chances something going wrong with a condom on are pretty slim.

Just do it. What's really stopping you?

the chances of pregnancy, first time round, with protection are pretty low.

To be honest Frasbee, I think your refusal to have sex on the grounds of pregnancy risk is a little neuortic. If you wear condoms and she's on the pill you'd have more chance of being hit by lightning tomorrow than getting her pregnant. Any impartial doctor would tell you the same thing.

Is that the real reason you don't want to have sex? Is anything else worrying you mate?

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Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Do you guys at least have oral sex?

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Yeah, we've been doing that for about a year, amongst other alternative forms of sex.

I was content with it, though admittedly, it's become somewhat routine and a little boring. I dunno, I guess I just don't see what the big deal is, but maybe that's just because I've found oral to be nothing special.

I'm wondering if I should just screw her (though I don't know where I'd do that right now considering our living conditions), and be done with it for a while.

This just feels like one more thing I gotta do.

God I'm tired.

My hosts just had a big fight at 4am because Reggie came back well...at 4am, and his girlfriend and another visitor were driving around looking for him. He was supposed to be back at 12:30 from drinking with some coworkers. I had to listen to them fight, heard it right through the outside walls. I'm so tired. But now I can't sleep. I need to be up in an hour anyway.

Just one more thing I gotta do.

Either this is precisely what I need right now, or it's not.

I dunno, I'm finding it difficult to be enthused by any of this.

And yeah, Scorp, don't try to persuade me into shit. This thread was probably a mistake, I can already feel the itch of defiance and resentment creeping up on me again. So don't patronize me. It feeds something I don't like to feed.

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Originally Posted by Charlie Boy II [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

To be honest Frasbee, I think your refusal to have sex on the grounds of pregnancy risk is a little neuortic. If you wear condoms and she's on the pill you'd have more chance of being hit by lightning tomorrow than getting her pregnant. Any impartial doctor would tell you the same thing.

Is that the real reason you don't want to have sex? Is anything else worrying you mate?

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I know you're right. I talked to one of my long-time on-line buddies, she's been having sex for 5 years now with not a single accident.

Amy doesn't like the idea of the pill messin' with her hormones.

Y'know, the last time I went down on her, she directed me away from her clit, to her hole. I don't usually venture down there because what I realize now was a misunderstanding from almost a year go lead me to believe she didn't like my tongue venturing in there.

Plus, whenever we're makin' out with me on top...she seems to favor my dick pressing into her crotch, so long as there's some sort of layer of clothing, often pulling me closer with her legs.

Eh.

I never thought much of it.

The idea of any sort of risk simply robbed me of my interest to do more than grind.

It's gonna take me a while, I think, to wrap my head around this shit. It sure as hell ain't gonna happen tomorrow. Er, I mean today.

Maybe I will try to go back to bed.

Fras, I don't know if you fall into this category or not, but many people who avoid sex do so to avoid intimacy. Is it possible you may be one of these people? I mean, you grew up in a house where intimacy seemed to be lacking. Perhaps the idea of making something different for yourself is a little intimidating.

Frasbee, I've got it. You could just do her in the ass! Bang - intimacy issues gone, because there's not much intimicay in anal sex; no possibiility of pregnancy and amy can even keep her "virginity".

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Originally Posted by Charlie Boy II [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Frasbee, I've got it. You could just do her in the ass! Bang - intimacy issues gone, because there's not much intimicay in anal sex; no possibiility of pregnancy and amy can even keep her "virginity".

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I'd love to, and I've brought it up before, but she's not keen on the idea, however, not enough for her to oppose my wandering fingers.

She also doesn't care much for the idea of "virginity", anyway. Nor do I.

I would poke her once just based off principle.

-shrug-

No Vash, that's not the reason. There are no other reasons outside of simply not wanting to join population "dumbass" after having an accident. People seem to be getting fixated on trying to find something that's not there.

I'm intimate with Amy on a regular basis (i.e. cuddling).

This sucks. I started falling asleep, and now it's time for me to head out. I probably should've waited until I was at least horny before I tried to discuss this.

It's pouring like a bitch outside.

Actually, on second thought.

Stop trying to analyze me, I'm feeling defensive.

What I don't get is what my friend was telling me last night. She was tellin' me why intercourse is so great.

That's what I need to hear, what's the big deal? What makes it any better than oral? I've completely forgone the idea of sex up until now, the urge has been thoroughly crushed by my will and stubbornness.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What makes it any better than oral?

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You can look her in the eyes while giving her pleasure, and watch her facial expressions.

No offense Fras, and sorry to break it to you, but you DO realize this really might be a deal breaker for her? I'm not saying you should compromise your principles for someone else. Although I don't think this issue is as principle-based as it is fear-based. Just realise your lack of interest in sex, will, at some point, become a problem.

Honestly, if I heard my bf say he would 'poke me once to get it over with' I'd be hurt and offended. I would hate to think someone was having sex with me only to appease me.....and in that sense, I feel really bad for Amy.

No sex would be a deal breaker for me. Within a month.

Also you're both getting pleasure at the same time. There're waves of pleasure being sent back and forth which opens the gateway to a deep sense of connection with the other person.

It won't be like that at first though. It'll most likely be stiff in awkward for a little while.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's what I need to hear, what's the big deal? What makes it any better than oral? I've completely forgone the idea of sex up until now, the urge has been thoroughly crushed by my will and stubbornness.

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I think it's like wha Charlieboy said about the emotional connection. I don't feel as much of one if we're giving each other oral (although I enjoy it - immensely). But having our bodies fused together, his breath in my ear, looking me deep in the eyes while we do it.......damn, it's got me all hot just thinking about it. Can't wait til he gets home from work now :evil:

Beyond that, most guys I know say oral is great, but it doesn't compare to the way a vagina feels. You'd have to ask the other guys here to do a comparison here, I'm not exactly the expert on this one. I do know that I prefer a good hard bang over oral.

Do it Fras

I think you need to wake her up in the middle of the night by putting it in her vag.

Not really, she might get angry at that. But seriously, I think you're being overly mature about that. Take a risk. You can handle it, man. Wait a little while though, atleast until things cool down after that conversation. Surprise her.

She probably hasn't given it a second thought since last night while I'm over here stressing over it.

Regardless, this is something I'm going to ease into. These conversations are way to serious for me to see any joy or pleasure from the act itself.

Sorry, I know I set the tone that way.

I need to stop looking at it as a chore, or a death sentence.

Plus, I don't cave under pressure, I harden. Pressure drives me to push back, to become defiant. That conversation last night and the ones I've been having here have me on the defensive.

Natalie gave me some good advice. She was just suggesting kinds of condoms and lubes she uses and trusts. Making sure I'm aware of the do's and don'ts. Explained how so long as her and her boyfriend take the normal precautions, sex is simply a fun thing for them to enjoy.

Fun.

What is that?

I feel like I've forgotten, lately.

She's right, I can be too serious, and too responsible.

Sometimes you have to takes some RISKS to have a little fun. *evil laugh*

I don't like being pressured, either... well, I guess it depends on what was said and what it is. It shouldn't have sounded all... ultimatum-y, if you know what I mean.


edit:
I continually see the source of these problems as a lack of poor communication. Perhaps if she was a little bit more relaxed and welcoming about it, you wouldn't be so uptight about it. I'd probably take it up again in conversation with her. Not sure exactly how to word it though, maybe you do, since your on the spot. You should definitely consider making love to her very soon, though. You need to get going, because the going is good!

She bet me that I couldn't cum twice in one night, because I'm usually tired afterwards.

I proved her wrong, to her pleasant surprise.

I still think I could go 3 times.

If I'm going to be defiant, that's the kind of defiant I need to be.

I need to change my attitude, that's what it comes down to.

Sorry, I'm kinda coaching myself at this point.

If somebody else came onto this forum with this same situation, I'd wonder if they were gay.

I can hear 'em now: Don't be such a faggot.

Whatever motivates you.

Doesn't Amy just make you so angry sometimes that you just want to put your dick in her and pound away, like a jackhammer?

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Plus, I don't cave under pressure, I harden.

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I think that's what she's hoping for, heh heh.

I would like to mention that I am one of those people who got pregnant while using condoms. Yes, it happens.

I think you should tell her that you'll do it if she can come up with a contraception solution that's better than 85%. So she doesn't like putting hormones in her body. Fine. I understand that. What's her alternative?

Regardless what people say, condoms aren't effective enough. They aren't. They are for "safer" sex. I think you are being a bit neurotic about it, but I totally understand where you're coming from, especially since I've actually experienced an unplanned pregnancy.

yeah I'd feel dodgy relying only on condoms.

Whether youre being neurotic about it or not, youre being realistic to yourself. I also became pregnant while using a condom. It does happen. If youre not ready youre not ready. Would you feel better or relieved if you did it? (I dont mean sexually satisfied either, of course you will but emotionally?)

You maybe overthinking this, but its something you've obvoiusly have great convictions about Fras. Im sure Amy loves with you every ounce of her and wouldnt pressure you anymore than she thought she could. You want to be a mutual decision. Its going to come up no doubt but Im sure if you talk to her she'll let it go for awhile. The tables are turned here, the gal wanting it NOW not the guy...youre going to make it well worth the wait for her!;)


Oh ya know, AFTER I became pregnant someone wise has said to me..."You think about EVERY man you sleep with and you decide IS THIS THE MAN YOU WANT TO BE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD?" because it does happen.

Dude. She wants you. She wants you bad. That's awesome.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would like to mention that I am one of those people who got pregnant while using condoms. Yes, it happens.

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Booya bitches.

At least my fears aren't unfounded.

Anyway, right now I'm looking into maybe a combination of condoms/diaphragm.

Anybody have any experiences with the diaphragm?

EDIT: Nevermind...I just read you need a doctor to measure the woman before she can get an appropriate size. There's no way Amy is gonna go through that hassle.

Well, you could go to a planned parenthood place.

Use a combination of condom & a spermacide. Those films are good (together w/something, not alone unless you're ready for the odd 'oops')). If you become regular, then she should go on the pill.

Your first time together should be special. I'd suggest coughing up the dough for a dirty weekend someplace nice. Rent a cabin someplace, or a nice hotel, its doesn't have to be tres expensive, but it should be something you will both relax & enjoy.

A nice sparkling wine & a flower for her (for after) is a cute touch. Make looooove to her Fras & be happy. She wants you, its all good.

i think what frizzz needs is some music to get him in the mood...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x9rtEHtubI"]YouTube - George Michael-I Want Your Sex[/ame]

Misombra, I think you've got a great idea going here, we should make him a list of songs to make a love making CD with!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18TLHhhHZCA"]YouTube - Marvin Gaye - Lets Get It On[/ame]

(ha, got it first!)

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's what I need to hear, what's the big deal? What makes it any better than oral? I've completely forgone the idea of sex up until now, the urge has been thoroughly crushed by my will and stubbornness.

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You won't know until you do it. It's just one of those things Fras that you have to discover for yourself. What's so great about riding a bike or playing a guitar? Noone will be able to explain that to you until you actually try it for yourself. Don't rob yourself of this deep and sensual experience.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqU2WXKcUb0"]YouTube - Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSoEP1NVmPM"]YouTube - bad company feel like making love[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiQksVNK1_Q"]YouTube - Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing ( live )[/ame]

man, choi. just pork her. pork her real good. like pork on a stick. just pork it.

ciao

Mis and Vash, ya'll have cracked me up! Now Im going to have to get those songs for myself!

Maybe he just needs some songs to **** to.

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=WFl3TmhU9BM"]YouTube - Radiohead - Black Star (Live 1994)[/ame]

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=x1vEE3pX5P4"]YouTube - Juli-Egal Wohin (Sims 2)[/ame]

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=MRI-vm_pP40"]YouTube - Svenson - Sunlight Theory[/ame]

[ame="http://youtube.com/watch?v=BieVgyrfglQ"]YouTube - Foo Fighters-Learn To Fly[/ame]

If you want more suggestions, just ask.