need help to heal a broken heart :(

i'm so sad... my ex called my sister today (since we're supposed to not have any contact) and was just asking her to handle some stuff with his car that he's donating which is parked at my house. today i was feeling OK and hadn't cried. then that happened. and his roomate also texted me saying he knows it's not easy and that he hopes it's not goodbye forever. but i know it's just kind of a nice way to say BYE! and he really probably doesn't care if he ever sees me again either or not..

i just feel self-destructive because i keep thinking all these negative thoughts that he's gonna move on before me then i'll find out somehow and it will put me back even further and make me feel worse. as selfish as it sounds, i want to be the first one to move on so that i won't hurt AS MUCH if i found out he was already seeing someone else. ARGH. i just don't even know how to get through this. time time time.. it's my enemy right now :(

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you´re going through that, I´ve been there and I know it´s not easy, and nothing I tell you right now will take that pain away, I will say this though, be patient with yourself and with life, I know this seems endless, and trying to get him back is not the right choice since it seems to me he made his mind up, you will take control of your life and everything will be better when you least expect it, your soul-mate is out there and athough you don´t want to think about that possibilty now, later when all this is nothing but a memory, you´ll give yourself another chance to be happy, trust me, it´s coming, I promise.

Hi again,

sweetie, be patient, I know it´s not easy, but think of all the good in you, how much to have to offer and how happy you can make others who really deserve it, time is enemy now but it also helps you heal, embrace this horrible situation you´re going through right now, it will get better.

i'm on "vacation" to get away.. and all i can think of is him. i didn't cry (yet) today because i'm here with my friend.. but really. how do i stop my thoughts!? how do i just forget everything we've been through when things keep replaying in my head :( i think of how we both cried when we knew it was really over... the memories we had when WE were on vacation here on the east coast.. and just everything i do reminds me of him. i always find something to connect to him and i know it's self-destructive but how do i stop it :(

i hate being like this and i'm dreading coming home and being around everything again... i guess no matter where i go i'll be reminded of him.. plus i can try to avoid the places he might be at... but i know we'll end up running into each other since we have the same interests in what places to go and the people we know are all connected.. i don't wanna move because i shouldn't run away but it's just 100x harder having so many ties with him.. plus, i still have his PW (he doesn't know) to stuff and i've been trying not to check it but sometimes i just have the urge to "accidentally" find something that will show me he's moved on so i can just hurt myself and put myself back to the beginning but at least, i'll know not to have ANY hope.

i know i shouldn't have hope at all... but we were such good friends that i would want him to be at least that in the future.. and he said he does too.. i know it can't happen for awhile.. AHH i just don't know what to do anymore.. i've been reading books, websites, getting advice from people... i'm so depressed :(

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Originally Posted by mm4184 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i'm on "vacation" to get away.. and all i can think of is him. i didn't cry (yet) today because i'm here with my friend.. but really. how do i stop my thoughts!? how do i just forget everything we've been through when things keep replaying in my head :( i think of how we both cried when we knew it was really over... the memories we had when WE were on vacation here on the east coast.. and just everything i do reminds me of him. i always find something to connect to him and i know it's self-destructive but how do i stop it :(

i hate being like this and i'm dreading coming home and being around everything again... i guess no matter where i go i'll be reminded of him.. plus i can try to avoid the places he might be at... but i know we'll end up running into each other since we have the same interests in what places to go and the people we know are all connected.. i don't wanna move because i shouldn't run away but it's just 100x harder having so many ties with him.. plus, i still have his PW (he doesn't know) to stuff and i've been trying not to check it but sometimes i just have the urge to "accidentally" find something that will show me he's moved on so i can just hurt myself and put myself back to the beginning but at least, i'll know not to have ANY hope.

i know i shouldn't have hope at all... but we were such good friends that i would want him to be at least that in the future.. and he said he does too.. i know it can't happen for awhile.. AHH i just don't know what to do anymore.. i've been reading books, websites, getting advice from people... i'm so depressed :(

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Deep down you know that you can't be just friends with him. It'll hurt you too much and you'll never really be able to get over him. The memories will go away. Trust me. I had a hard time not thinking about my ex. I thought about her every day no matter what I did. It wasn't until I met another girl that I stopped thinking about her so much. I still do every now and then, but it's a healthy thing. It doesn't have to be someone you date, either. You just have to know that there is better out there and that you will find someone else.

Why don't you come on here and just chat and get involved with other threads?

I can't emphasise how keeping busy helps (plus copious amounts of alcohol or is that just me?)

^^ Spammer alert

hey guys, i'm still on vacation.. and my friend i was with is at work so now i feel so alone again. i've been crying all morning.. it's been like 2 weeks and i feel like i'm still the same :( i know it takes time.. but i keep finding little things out like he's trying to make friends with new girls and stuff.. and i KNOW him.. he gets so attached easily so now i'm afraid of him sleeping with someone else right away or whatever.

i know it's not in my control or my business.. but it hurts me so much to even think that and have all these stupid thoughts in my head.. how do i stop them?? i try to think of other things then it just pops right back in :( i'm feel so miserable and horrible and i don't know what to do anymore.. i feel like i'll never get out of this.. like i'm stuck in a deep black hole and i just keep on going in circles.. i don't know what to do anymore..

plus, his brother is my best friend's best friend. AND we have so many connections that it's impossible for us to not know what's going on with each other or accidentally bump into each other, etc. he asked my sister how i was doing n she said she didn't know really cuz i'm on vacation. WHY even ask? just because he cares about me as a friend?! i'm so lost.. please help!

I guess each new little thing presents another challenge. Just think of it like that. Each thing willl have its own recovery time. My relationship pales in comparison to yours, but I put in a lot of effort into a relationship what was only a month and a half and I got burned so I know how it feels to a certain extent. I'm doing a lot better now, but from what I read on your post, it will definately take you longer. I'm looking forward to seeing how you progress. I will keep checking back periodically.

i feel your pain, im in the same exact spot as you....
its just i've been in this spot for a while now since she dumped me and i can't seem to move on....
you are right about this black hole, its like a dark tunnel with no light at the end.

the thing i hate most is that, they want to keep contact and they always say "i don't want to lose you as a friend"
i don't get it...i really don't cuz to me it seems like such BS..and i know it won't work.

im confused too

thanks guys.. i really appreciate being able to talk on this because i feel like i'm burning everyone else out.. at least here everyone went or is going through it..

i'm just so sad.. i'm supposed to be on vacation and all i can think of is him. i can't sleep! i know he's been trying to make new girl friends and it's pissing me off cuz i have his PW to stuff and he doesn't know and i'm NOT about to tell him i have it either.. but it's a lose lose cuz i can't say anything since he doesn't even know i have access to these things. i tried not to check stuff as much.. but i feel like it's my only connection.. and i know he's been checking my social network stuff to see what i've been up to.. but i'm not like him trying to make new girl friends already. i'm sticking to the friends i DO have.. i hate this so much.

it sounds so selfish but why can't he see how much he's missing? i want him to regret this but i also don't want to sound so mean because i don't want things to come back to me.. i don't want to hate him because i really love him but i'm just so ANGRY at the situation.. and how we're not contacting each other "for awhile" but we're still there.. i'm having such a difficult time.. please help with ANY advice.. i know it's TIME but what else.. i hate that i can't do anything about this aside from help myself.. i can't change his mind. i can't win him back. i can't stop him from talking to other girls... i keep crying and i am so drained already...

Hi

be stronge and hang in there

Time is always a good medicine for this

cheers up

cayumi

so he's the one who told me we shouldn't have contact for awhile. he's the one who broke up with me. he asked my sister and my friend how i'm doing and if they've heard from me, etc. they don't really say much. then today, he sends me a message online and asks how my vacation is.. and talks about how he's sick and doesn't have much motivation but that he'd eventually find it. had some short conversation and i was proud of myself for not saying i miss him n love him etc... then i just said i had to go n to take care..

then a few hours later i get a text message saying "just want you to know i think about you everyday and im glad youre doing good".. then i started crying like an idiot. what the hell! i don't know what to think of this crap. is it like he misses me cuz he's lonely but not as a girlfriend? i hate this. so much heartache.. i mean, i want him to know what he's losing but i don't understand this..

Every time he contacts you he is setting you back. Until you understand that you will not be able to heal. You had each other for 2.5 years, were each others best friends, you were EVERYTHING to one another. Of course he misses it, just as much as you do. But, you don't want to be with someone who only misses you because they're lonely. I know this sounds like an impossible thing to do, but I really suggest blocking him on your phone, the internet, face book, and anything else he can contact you on. Take it from me, I've had no contact with my ex for almost 2 months, I still think about her all the time, dream about her, and I don't even want to look at other girls. But, I have to, life stops for no one, you don't want to dwell on the past, because that will just consume you.

Life goes on hun, live everyday to its fullest, and put a smile on (even if it's fake) it will make you much more happier :)