You get to see all the good parts of the best friend and none of the stuff you'd have to deal with if you were actually with him. Don't say anything. You'll just cause a huge amount of trouble.
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You get to see all the good parts of the best friend and none of the stuff you'd have to deal with if you were actually with him. Don't say anything. You'll just cause a huge amount of trouble.
I know, without a doubt that I want to be with my boyfriend. Never once in almost 3 years have I been unfaithful or even considered making a move on his friend or any other guy. If i didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't. Generally, until this situation with his friend, I'm usually not an unsure person. I truly feel that if I knew if his friend felt the same way, it would give me closure and I could move past this. I realize this probably sounds ridiculous to everyone, but I just need to satisfy my curiosity. Thanks for everyone's input though :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuro [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If you knew "without a doubt" that you in fact wanted to be with your boyfriend, then you wouldn't care about what other guys think of you. Not even a little bit. But you have to know so badly, so it's not "without a doubt." Think about it.
It is not crazy, just not properly thought out. So it is either selfish or immature. And immature in a sense that you say one thig (without a doubt) and then undo it by saying another (I need to know if his best friend loves me).
And by the way, if they are best friends then he's being a nice guy by caring for his best friend's girl. Of course he won't treat you like other girls. You're running the risk of looking very silly. In the end, even if he did love you, he'll stick to his friend, and certainly not some chick who fell in love with her boyfriend's best friend. Who would want to risk that happening to them?
Lastly, guys are forgetful. They leave things around all the time. You may be reading into it a little too much. It's only common sense.
If you call 3 days in a row leaving something at my place forgetful, when none of his other friends have done it, I don't know what to tell you. He has other close friends that I've known for just as long, and none of them treat me the way he does. He also knows my boyfriends other friends girlfriends well, and all of the girls have told me numerous times they feel he likes me. You must think I'm a stupid girl, and I know how stupid my predicament may sound, but I'm not clueless when it comes to telling if a guy likes me. I've danced around this for almost 3 years, I think I know I'm not "reading into things". Especially when other people have been telling me they've seen it too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuro [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Thanks for your input, really, I appreciate everything everyone has to say, but I'm not some school girl living in a fantasy daydreaming about the guys from Twilight. I have an idea of reality, and if I sensed he was just caring about me as a friend, I could have dumped this idea a long time ago. Why this is weighing so heavily on me is because I'm almost positive he feels the same way, but we both obviously know nothing could ever come of this, so nothing has ever been said about it. Having the satisfaction of knowing may not make much sense to you, but it does to me.
As forum members, we can only go by what you tell us. : )
If you are confident in what you are feeling and that you are about to do the right thing, then you don't need us to tell you what is right or wrong. Best of luck.
You are only 22. You don't even know what you don't know. Your question only emphasizes this.Quote:
Originally Posted by abbytaylor209 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If you had half of the maturity you claim you would either break up with your BF or leave his friend alone. You sound like an insecure attention whore.Quote:
I know I must sound terrible for saying I love his friend, but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that him and my boyfriend are so similar.
If you suspect his friend has feelings for you it is cruel to try to force them out of him unless you are prepared to follow through. Some questions are best left unasked until you know what you are prepared to do with the answer.
I predict that the next two threads from abby will be titled:
My boyfriend's best friend loves me
and
I had sex with my boyfriend's best friend
In all seriousness, Abby, you really need to forget about this. Finding out will probably ruin your relationship with your boyfriend, when he hears about it from his friend. You don't need to know, you need to stop obsessing. Stop telling yourself that you need to know. Instead, tell yourself that you don't care. Forget about the concept of closure, that's for weak people who don't take responsibility for their own thoughts and urges.
Abby, bottom line, no one here supports your desire to divulge your feelings to your boyfriend's friend. If you were looking for support, which it seems like you were, you won't find it here. This is primarily due to the fact that we've seen many posters come here during the aftermath of such an error. Too late they realized their actions had terrible consequences and came here requesting advice on how to fix everything. You are in a position to PREVENT this. What is greater? Your feelings for your boyfriend, or your desire to have this question answered and potentially destroy your relationship and your boyfriend's friendship?
This is not something you'll be able to take back if it goes bad. The word "love" is a strong word, and the effect it has over the human mind and emotions is life-changing. So, really THINK, "Why do I need this 'closure'?" Do you like knowing that other men desire you? Does it boost your ego? What happens if he does return your feelings? Do you think he'll just leave it alone? Will you? Answer these questions honestly. You've given very cursory answers to our previous questions, with facts indefinitely proving your suspicions that this guy feels the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I have left his friend alone. I'm not bothering him day and night asking what his feelings are for me. I've never brought up the subject to him ever. You don't need to be cruel. You don't know me, so you have no right to say I'm an attention whore. I would've acted on this long ago if I was a slut that needed more than one guy to sleep with. A appreciate your response, and I'm realizing from what everyone else has said that it is something I should just leave be. No one else needed to add that they think I'm some attention seeking high schooler, so please don't say I am. I'm actually quite a shy girl, which is why it's been almost 3 years without me ever saying anything about this to anyone. I like t think I have a good head on my shoulders and I've always believed I was mature. I can see why my thread here would mislead people, but in all other aspects of my life I have a good handle on things! Thanks for your help though :)
No, I'm sorry I'm not that type of girl. I never was, so you'll never get the satisfaction of seeing that from me. Even if I confessed to my boyfriend's friend my feelings for him and he reciprocated them, I wouldn't ever go that route. I'm fairly shy and would never, ever be unfaithful. My boyfriend is great, and these feelings I have for his friend already make me feel terrible about myself. I know it's wrong to have these feelings. I've come to a decision to not confess anything to anyone. Everyone here has helped me realize that. I was looking for an answer by coming to this forum, and now I have one.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You will only be breaking 2 boys hearts by finding out your boyfriend's best friend returns your feelings. Don't be so selfish, think about the two males in this situation. You really think it would play out "oh hey, we like each other and now let's never speak of it again"... Yeaaaaaah, right. It is going to cause problems with your boyfriend and you, his friend and you AND them as friends. You need to get over your "need", if you really did love either of them you would be considering how much this could hurt them.
Thanks. Yeah based on everyone's responses I've decided to leave it be haha. I know now from everyones advice that it would only cause tons of problems between all of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paperclip [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I wrote that you sounded like an attention whore b/c your posts made you sound like one. If you aren't then good. Tho I find that when a poster keys into a statement like that as defensively as you did, it probably means you worry there may be some truth to it. Which is why you reacted so defensively.
Anyway, I'm glad you now understand this isn't all about you. It is good you can see things from your BF and his friends perspective. You will be a better person for being able to imagine the consequences of your actions from another person's viewpoint. I do give you props for knowing enough to come online and ask for some objective advice about this. Good luck Abby.
To be honest if his friend is even just a 'decent' friend he would tell you to chase yourself!
Its a bro thing, no guy would ever do that to his best mate thats just wrong on so many levels! i personally think you should keep this to yourself and stop hanging around with that guy.
If you love someone else its unfair for you to be stringing your boyfriend along, you know he would be absolutely crushed if this cat got out the bag.