How can he think different, if you aren't honest with him?
If you don't want all that, don't be all that. It's that simple. It starts with being honest.
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How can he think different, if you aren't honest with him?
If you don't want all that, don't be all that. It's that simple. It starts with being honest.
Your right, but it will only make things worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
Often times the right thing to do is usually the hardest.
These are all things to consider before cheating. Of course, most people don't.
LoL no kidding.
you act as if most couples are faithful. I can say 7 out of 10 friends have or are cheating on their mates, and I'm not trying to follow some trend. I'm also not comparing my relationship with others. And if you can't tell, I'm trying to be as considerate as I can. I mean, If I wasn't I would've done this along time ago, packed up my things and just left. I'm not that harsh. After all these years would I have put everyone elses needs before mine if I wasn't being considerate? Do you think I'd be goin out of my fuk** mind trying to figure out what would make me happy because I don't know what would after so long? If that's not consideration.. I don't know what is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Junsui
Actually that's exactly what you're doing when you say:Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruck
Let me ask you somethin, so what do YOU think is the right thing to do here? You sit here and tell us you're so considerate, when you started the thread basically saying "Yeah, I cheated, yeah I liked it, no I didn't feel any guilt, yes I want to do it again."Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruck
I mean which one are we suppose to believe here?
lol oh calm down, I don't think all couples are faithful. I believe they all SHOULD be, I never thought they all actually are. That's why I said these things should be considered, but most often aren't. I don't doubt you're going out of your mind about this. I'm not out to make you look like a bad person and I'm not out to make it look like it was ok and everything will be alright. The consequences of our decisions can be harsh. I feel sorry you're having to go through this, but I know we only put ourselves in these situations.
You made your bed, now you have to lay in it.
From my experience you should tell him, secret are not good, you may not feel guilty now, but you will one day...and I am sure that he will feel more hurt if he heard this by someone else then you. If you tell him at least he will appreciate that you are honest with him! Well regarding that you had a hard life at a very young age... sorry to heard that but i did too. I know what its like!!! I lost my dad I was 11, he died at 35 from cancer, then I had to take care of my self because my mom went to a severa depression then I end up pregnant I was 17, the guy dump me and I raise my child alone, I could have an abourtion but i did not! Now me too I had my child hood cut very short, I had to grow up very fast and learn that life is more then playing... a lots of responsabilities you have to take and when you are in those situations you actually have to take them pretty fast....BUT...never stop me of when I make mistake, I am honest about them and I assume the responsability of my action and somethime I believe I have too much patience and take too much...
All this for saying that you made a mistake and I think that you even that its the first time you should pay respect to your men/husband/bf what ever he is...he deserve it..
We all make mistake and usely people learn from them...now its your to decide... if in the futur you will learn from your mistake or you will continu to keep them in a deep space where one day they can come up and show up in your face....
Think about that...
Frenchie
yes frenchmaid.. i know everyone has their own stories to tell, but again.. I'm not prepared to just suck everything up and take what life throws at me. yes I also did make my own bed.. and that's whats fukin makin me so angry! I made probably the biggest mistake I'll ever make in my life.. I didn't use protection. and I'm dealing with it.I may be confused right now. I really don't know what I want to do. I don't even know which part of what I did was wrong or right.
which one are you supposed to believe? Whatever you choose to. We all have our good and bad sides. I'm not saying that I never did one good thing for myslef through all the years I was putting others before me, I did. If I didn't I'd probably be dead by now. Am I considerate? YES. Did I enjoy that 1 day of no consideration, no obligation, no responsibility? YES, because for the first time in years.. I felt happy. I felt free.
You didn't use protection when you cheated? I just didn't know if that's what you were refering to.
OMG! I DID! I didn't use protection the day my child was conceived!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Junsui
ok lol, that's why I asked. I didn't know. Just relax.
sorry. I don't mean to come off all naggy. I'm just realllyyyyyyy frustrated. thanks for the advice. It helped alot. You have no idea how much! I'm gonna go 4 tday.. gonna head home. cya guys tomorrow.Quote:
Originally Posted by Junsui
Drive safe.
Bye bye! Good luck with everything and be safe.
well yes you didn't use protection and you got pregnant. And yes, your life has taken a differnet turn now and you are forced to grow up and deal with all kinds of different situations. yes, this can be hard, and yes it very much sounds like your dealing with post pardom depression. BUT, in no way does this make it okay to do what you have done. I think you are slowly realizing this and starting to feel some remorse. But telling your bf the truth will not make thigns worse, it will make you a better person for being honest and facing the consequences of your actions. How are you ever going to learn if you can't face what you have done? I understand your frustrated and your struggling with all kinds of emotions, I know how it feels to have a baby when your not ready but you cannot look at your child as the biggest mistake of your life. if you do, you will resent your child the rest of your life and I don't think you want that.
I'm not saying your a bad person I'm saying you made some wrong choices when you were confronted with a life altering decision. But I do think for you to learn who you are and what you want, you have to face the bed you have made for yourself. With you only being twenty you have a long hard road ahead of you and many things will happen that you will think you can't handle but after you get past them and move on to the next, you will feel better about yourself for getting throug those hard times. If you do not stand up and confront the issues you have and be honest, similar situations will keep happening to you until you take action and learn from them.
Your at a crossroads here. You have cheated once..you have tasted this seductive and improper behaviour...you can make the choice to never do it again.Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruck
Or you can choose to go wild and run the risk of messing everything up...I think your situation is loaded considering that you have an 8 month old baby.
Remember with life..there are consequences for the choices that you make..remember that you heard this..... when you get caught. :nerd:
You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it. :baby:
Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. :oriental:
She has her SO babysit. That's what my ex did, anyway. I was giving her break from mothering for an evening. Little did I know at the time our next door neighbor was giving her a break from me.Quote:
Originally Posted by shh!
Lovestruck, you and your SO are probably BOTH too young to really know who you are altogether, much less what you really want out of life yet, and even less likely is it that either of you really prepared to be parents. I'm not being critical. Just relating what appears to be and, statistically ARE, facts. The odds are your current relationship will not survive your maturation (or his). You both probably need to come to terms with that very real possibility.
It doesn't HAVE to fail. But it takes a HUGE act of will power and, sometimes, strenuously applied discipline for young couples to weather the changes of their personal becoming and still see each other in the loving light with which they once shared vision. A key to doing that is to try and not lose sight of the person you love in the problems you may be having. Another key is to set aside any impulses for immediate gratification. A third key is to not spend a lot of time gazing into each other's eyes, but a lot of time gazing outward together, instead.
It isn't necessary or even advisable to tell him about the affair. That was your personal business. What you might want to come to grips with is why your personal business involves such things and, if you want to remain with him, do whatever it takes to change within you whatever caused it to happen. If you don't want to stay with him, leave him in a way that has the least negative impact on your child. By no means, stay with him for the "child's sake" if you really don't -- or can't -- love him anymore. That would only spawn resentments across the board.
Good luck.
that's good advice hayward. i wish i could elaborate so eloquently.
Yikes - the furthest thing from my mind when I had an eight month old baby was screwing around. Aside from being preoccupied with the needs of the baby, memories of labor were still too vivid and the hormones weren't even back in balance yet.Quote:
Originally Posted by whaywardj
maybe it is a hormonal thing. she could be having post-pardum depression...
Post pardum promiscuity is more like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
lol i guess so. but seriously, she does sound a bit depressed. lovestruck-maybe you should see a doc...
I hope you die. I hope you die a painfully slow agonizing death through the process of burning alive. Your posts are to large, to color-full, to stupid and retarded. If I had one wish in this world it would be to kill you. Have a nice day.Quote:
Originally Posted by Promiscuity
PS: I love your name...really brings out the...umm...whats the word...OH YEA!...slut in you.
I don't look at my son as the biggest mistake of my life. How can I when he's the only one that's gives me the will to face every damn day.
I guess I am depressed.
whatever happens, you have my back. it'll pass. love ya. :love:
Even though I would advise you to stay with your baby's father......obviously you aren't happy. If your not happy its not gonna make life easier on your baby........now....or in the future. Don't tie yourself down.....your young....and sure people make mistakes....but don't stay with this guy just for your kid. Do it for the right reasons. But if you truly aren't happy ....which I can tell you aren't....then get out of the relationship.
There are other people........and I can tell you are realizing that.... Find someone that makes you happy...... BUt mainly think about your child....and do whats best for the both of you.
Welcome dr. Phill. Welcome.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellynn
SHUT UP.Quote:
Originally Posted by Promiscuity
________________
And how is he going to find out? Are one of the peopleQuote:
Originally Posted by Tone
she TRUSTED going to tell him?
Put things in perspective here. This is not a boyfriend/girlfriend
relationship we are talking about. There are three lives involved here.
She made her mistake and is dealing with it. And telling him would only
make another person hurt un-neccesarily, or maybe even make him leave
her and the baby.
Like I said, it does not serve any constructive purpose.
You'll sort it all out. These feelings are quite typical after having aQuote:
Originally Posted by lovestruck
baby. The permanent change in your life that occured can be overwhelming. Focus on your baby, if he gives you the will, and strength to keep going. And when you are strong enough (and you will be) you can look at your relationship, and see if its really what you want.
Right now you should be focusing on yourself, making yourself stronger.
Take a few moments each day for yourself, when the baby is sleeping, and
do something for yourself. This is important as it will help you see that after
all you are still you. Your life did not end, its just starting.
I talked with John last night.
He came home late, don't know where from. I said, "lets talk". He turns his back and watches TV. I said " I'm serious John. We have really big problems." He just wouldn't answer. I kept asking him over and over what he wanted me to do so he would answer, but still not a word came out of his mouth. He wouldn't even look at me. I just got tired and I just started balling my eyes out. I asked him if he was happy. He said no. He asked me... well, by the way I looked I didn't have to answer. I said if we were'nt happy together and if we didn't care.. why were we still together. He just stopped talking. He went to sleep and I cried myself to sleep. I don't know whats going to happen later tonight, but I'm expecting the worse.
Hm. Sounds alike a man who's having an affair. Or one who knows you have. Or one who's struggling with the realization he's on a path in Life he doesn't want to walk. Try this: Think of parenting as an interlude, and NOT a lifetime commitment. Divide your child's life into six-year segments: zero to six; six to 12; 12 to 18. During each six-year period, your child is an entirely different creature having entirely different needs who makes entirely demands on your lives. Then is the child is gone. Consider how swiftly six years pass, and the fact that when your child is 18 and almost ready to go out on his or her own, you'll be, more or less, 38 or 40 years old; in the very prime of your life with a much greater knowledge of who you are and what you want; for yourself and from each other. And more able to accomplish all of it for yourselves. Thinking of your major parenting responsibilities as being a matter of setting aside some of your personal preferences for three six-year periods of life rather than 18 or 20 years makes it easier to get your mind around parenting, and the burdens of it a little easier to carry. Just a guess, but I'd almost be willing to bet you're both having some second thoughts about parenting and all the destructive behaviors are just how that ambivalence is expressing itself. Lighten THAT load, and you might find ways to tighten your relationship.
Parenting is a life-long commitment, yes. But too often, too many, I believe, over-emphasize that fact to their own detriment. The fact is, the obligations of parenting become much easier to undergo with their doing, and the impacts they have on your personal life diminish rapidly with the passsage of time. Your eight-month old child needs you at his or her beck and call. Your 16 year-old child wants as little to do with you as possible. The truth is, they grow up before you realize they have. One day, you're giggling over some toddler faux pas they committed; the next, you're cleaning out their old toys, turning their old bedroom into a study, wondering where all the time went to; and whether they'll write you a letter this month. Or maybe, even, call to say hello. The truth is also that, at the beginning, you might wonder what on earth have you done and how will you ever get through it. After they've gone, you'll find yourself wishing they could've needed you just a little bit longer than they did.
I know its true. I won't know how much I needed him.. how much I loved him until he's gone, there's just something inside me that wants to break free.
As for Jv, my son, I'll be beside him his entire life. I know his dad will too. The good thing about us is, when we argue or fight, once our baby comes in the room he forgets he was screaming and I forget I was crying. We both love our child to death. We do think of whats best for him.
John having an affair? I don't think he is, but it's possible. He can't look me in the face and when I kiss him goodbye he turns his face to the side.
maybe our time together is up.
Yes, it sounds like it is.
:( .
life really sucks.