Negativity

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

OK, I do care about this person.. So I'm up for it!

Tone! I wish it was that easy!

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Well, first off, you need to listen carefully to their reasons for being depressed. Make a list and prioritize them.

Pick the first one ONLY (sound familiar?) ;) and sit down to discuss this w/your partner. This is where it gets different from the typical "listen & sympathize" method.

You need to attack their underlying logic for being negative about a given thing. One argument at a time. You do this to the point where the ONLY conclusion that THEY can come to is that being negative is ridiculous and irrational. And make sure you are not attacking THEM, just the idea. Got that?

Eg. They hate me at work (negative).
Who hates you?
Everyone.
Who? Be specific.
Joe.
Ok. Who else?
Ummm...okay thats it.
So, is Joe "everyone"?
Ok, I guess not "everyone"...

Get the idea? Most negative ppl have OVERGENERALIZED their problem, making it bigger than it actually is. Usually, generalization is a helpful skill for recognizing and solving problems, but can backfire when ppl apply it to emotionally charged situations.

I hope this makes sense. I can expand more if needed. You see why I say its a lot of work, tho. In the above case, once you have successfully destroyed the "everyone" argument, then you need to move on to "Joe" (why does Joe hate you?...etc.). The important part is that the person w/the negative thought is brought to the logical inconsistency THEMSELF (not you telling them they are irrational). Big difference.

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Originally Posted by Tone

Yeah I know, see one of my prior posts - I think that way only about those people who are constantly depressed, or constantly tryin to complain about how bad their life is.

I've known people like that, anytime you tried tellin them about any kind of problem you were havin they would just come back with what they had to deal with or w/e... always havin somethin negative to say~

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Yeah, this girl I knew was like that. I just couldn't talk to her anymore. Anything you said she turned into something negative about her.

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

I'm generally a person that even when faced with negative things, I look at the positives to keep my sanity.

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You stay positive to keep your sanity? (Takes ten steps backwards)

I deal with it by acknowledging that negativity is a part of life. Something from which you learn and without it balance of the universe would shift and there'd be chaos. But here are important things you can do:

1. Smile
2. Tell a joke
3. Remember something that makes you laugh uncontrollably and try to share it with the person. You won't be able to because you'll be mincing the words. The other person will soon become happy by just seeing you goofing around because laughing is contageous
4. Give a back rub
5. Hugs are free
6. Start sentences with "I remember feeling the same way as you, I really feel for you and I felt the same way as you, but after a little bit of time I started feeling a whole lot better because..."

Hope it helps ;)

Yes Indigo, I understand that. Makes lots of sense. What if the negative thought is really a reality? And it's not just the way you look at it.. Do you know what I mean by that?

Then you have to find a way out of that reality. Remember Jeblina's quote?

If you can't change something, change the way you look at it.

Or something like that

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

Yes Indigo, I understand that. Makes lots of sense. What if the negative thought is really a reality? And it's not just the way you look at it.. Do you know what I mean by that?

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Ah. Well, that is a different question. I was specifically answering the following:

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

I know soemone who when ever something goes wrong get's very down and depressed becasue they look at everythign as being bad, and nothign good happens to them.

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Regarding negative thoughts that are real, I would think that TAVS reply above would apply.

Note, I am NOT a pyschologist. Not even close. I simply have an interest in how minds operate, so take what I say w/that in mind.

It's just most of things he says can't be broken down like you said, although soem of them can. For example last ngiht he checked his fantasy league and saw he had lost teh first thing that came out of his mouth was "that's typical, I should have known I wasn't going to win". But after that, it was negative comments about everything, including his work hours, and our vehicle problems. But it wasn't like they were all togehter ya know. It was like every time he thought about it he said something negative. I don't know maybe I'll try that tonight when he comes home since I know he will say something because our heat went out about an hour ago and we have to wait till tomorrow to get it fixed.

what is up with all those nasty pics in the gallery?

OMG, I have no idea! Shh said the profile says he's a male, so I'm sure that girl has no idea she has broadcasted accross the internet!!!

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

It's just most of things he says can't be broken down like you said, although soem of them can. For example last ngiht he checked his fantasy league and saw he had lost teh first thing that came out of his mouth was "that's typical, I should have known I wasn't going to win". But after that, it was negative comments about everything, including his work hours, and our vehicle problems. But it wasn't like they were all togehter ya know. It was like every time he thought about it he said something negative. I don't know maybe I'll try that tonight when he comes home since I know he will say something because our heat went out about an hour ago and we have to wait till tomorrow to get it fixed.

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Maybe he is negative because someone ignores his posts ):

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Originally Posted by misombra

what is up with all those nasty pics in the gallery?

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They are gone now!!

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Originally Posted by shh!

They are gone now!!

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what was it ??? you got me all curious !!!

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Originally Posted by Mishanya

You stay positive to keep your sanity? (Takes ten steps backwards)

I deal with it by acknowledging that negativity is a part of life. Something from which you learn and without it balance of the universe would shift and there'd be chaos. But here are important things you can do:

1. Smile
2. Tell a joke
3. Remember something that makes you laugh uncontrollably and try to share it with the person. You won't be able to because you'll be mincing the words. The other person will soon become happy by just seeing you goofing around because laughing is contageous
4. Give a back rub
5. Hugs are free
6. Start sentences with "I remember feeling the same way as you, I really feel for you and I felt the same way as you, but after a little bit of time I started feeling a whole lot better because..."

Hope it helps ;)

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I wasn't ignoring you, you goof. Just responding to what was on my mind first.
I always smile, even when I'm angry I still smile ( yes believe it ). But seriously I do these things already, but the back rub may work. I'll try that but I don't think I could do that every time.....:)

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Originally Posted by shh!

They are gone now!!

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HAHA I wonder which mod deleted them? OR maybe he did.. hmmmm, I'm curious!

You could try my method, Rosebud: Just smack him in the head and tell him to get over himself.

j/k

Late vamp - you missed a bunch of naked woman pictures. That's all.

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Originally Posted by Rosebud

HAHA I wonder which mod deleted them? OR maybe he did.. hmmmm, I'm curious!

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Maybe Zekk - he's around here now... What - do you think he downloaded them for his personal files? hahaha

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Originally Posted by shh!

You could try my method, Rosebud: Just smack him in the head and tell him to get over himself.

j/k

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Don't say just joking I may actually use that....LOL

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Originally Posted by shh!

You could try my method, Rosebud: Just smack him in the head and tell him to get over himself.

j/k

Late vamp - you missed a bunch of naked woman pictures. That's all.

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dont tell me it was you shh! , dont tell me i missed it .

damn! i probably missed shh! naked or rosebud .

it was both of them. they were naked and kissing.

Might be justification for medical intervention. Have had a serious chat with this person, suggesting doctors or meds?

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Originally Posted by shh!

You could try my method, Rosebud: Just smack him in the head and tell him to get over himself.

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Intense, hyper positivity therapy ussually works, but if he is so full of himself that he won't even acknowledge your presence then I agree with Shh!'s method to bring a reality check! Or, make that a slap followed by "Be a man" :)

Sombra, what are you starting?????? LOL

Hayward, yeah right! He thinks all that stuff is a joke. He wouldn't go unless it was for like marriage counseling or something and even then would be minimal speaking.

Okay then. Offer him an object lesson and give yourself a break. Tell him you need some distance from his negativity 'cause it brings you down too much. Then limit your contact and forget about trying to help. Enough people do that, sooner or later, he'll get help. Or, rather, people usually do once they see the writing on the wall.

...And if his negativity brings you down too much, you don't want to loose your sanity! :)

LOL.. I won't lose my sanity.. I gained ground a long time ago. It just bothers me that sometimes I can't get him out of these moods. He works it out on his own and then he's fine, but when he says these comments....it's just like an impulse I have to make him feel better... But when I try he gives another negative comment.

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Originally Posted by Tone

Yeah I know, see one of my prior posts - I think that way only about those people who are constantly depressed, or constantly tryin to complain about how bad their life is.

I've known people like that, anytime you tried tellin them about any kind of problem you were havin they would just come back with what they had to deal with or w/e... always havin somethin negative to say~

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well i've known people that are happy all the time ~ nothing bad ever going on in their life ~ happy-go-lucky. puke. i HATE those people!

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Originally Posted by misombra

well i've known people that are happy all the time ~ nothing bad ever going on in their life ~ happy-go-lucky. puke. i HATE those people!

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It's most likely an act sombra. They dont complain about anything in front of others yet when they're alone it's a different story.

Yeah for sure Asip, everyone has their turn, everyone.

Rosebud, kick him in the balls. ;)

WHOA!

Someone is fiesty today... I won't say who!

Junsui is my soul-sister.

:-)

I like your style.

Well I figured he might see how great life was before having all of that pain. Hah

Junsui you need a new title under your name.

I WAS thinkin "Mrs. Tone" has a nice ring to it, but then I read what you said in that other thread.

>;[

:sad2:



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Junsui, 7 more posts to beat me.

She'll have it within the hour.

Yeah, but that means Lloyd would have to stop posting so I can catch up!

+1 :)



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There is no way I can beat you! For every one of my posts, you post 2!

Or maybe I'm exaggerating